Matty's Journal
March 2009

Madaline Weber

New Read about the Galactic Transformer

New Ian's "One of a Kind" Jewelry pieces

Devil  &  Angel


The depiction of an Angel sitting on your shoulder, while  on the other

sat a devil, all dressed in black, with horns and a menacing expression.

The devil would tell you,  it’s ok for you to have that piece of cake, (knowing full well you’re looking to drop 40lbs.)   go ahead.

Mean while the angel is tugging at your other ear telling you, “Oh dear, now look what that devil has gone and done, you tell your mind that you’re not listening.”


Being torn between the two, “Oh my, what to do?  What to do.”


The dark energy could be depicted as the mind,  while the angelic one is speaking from the heart / soul.


In our Ethical environment,  listening to ones mind, the one that wants to take away your power to ride the waves of truth, justice and the American way.

Where did that come from?


Its been almost three weeks since I’ve stopped using my tobacco blend.

There are moments when an erg appears,  my mind telling me, “it’s ok, one bowl of your pipe isn’t going to matter.”

All the while the angelic being is saying, “who’s the boss here anyway?”


I know the desire will pass, weather I have the smoke or not.

So,  the white night won again.

Telling my mind,

Consciousness is not listening.




    Cultural historian, William Irwin Thompson, describes any process of initiation in three stages: (1) the illumination of one's darkness; (2) the discovery of the edge of one's sanity; and (3) the defeat or mortification of the ego.


 Relative to the evolution of our species, William Irwin Thompson posits that: "The path of initiation is a miniaturization and recapitulation of the entire evolutionary saga of the soul's movement through space-time before we can go on to the next level of evolution, we must go over in full consciousness the places we have traveled in unconsciousness." 

Money   v   Love


How many relationships ended on the grounds of;

you don’t make enough money, there’s never enough money to support our family.

What are you going to do about it.

Even with me working, there’s never enough, never!


Sure, having enough, having what you desire, having all the ‘toys’, having, having, having.

Is this where happiness comes from?



Being you are reading this, I know for a fact that you’ve always been taken care of.

You’re life might not look the way YOU want it to look.  Yet, you are here.

You’ve made it this far.

You’ve created your life, you’ve invited others to join you on your  adventure.

You continue to make the rules for your life.

Then in mid stream you want to change the rules.


Changing the rules is a good thing, make sure that the other people that are playing your game knows that you want to change the rules,

And when the rules are spoken,  making sure there’s agreement,

In the event there’s no agreement, then other rules would be the way to go.

Making sure you’ve got a ‘win, win’  situation.

If it’s not a win, win, then there’s no way there will be contentment, happiness.


When I was really young,  when ever there was a disagreement, there would be a

take over”.

Or, inny, menny, miny, moe.

It was easy.


Look what we’ve created in our world today.


Can you see how the illusion has created so much disharmony,

So much anger.


You found someone you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.

Remember, there’s no rule books on relationships.


Yes, there’s all kinds of communication seminars, books, everything under the sun.

Yet, when it comes to ‘living’ with another, day in, day out.

There are situations that get under you skin.  Words are spoken, you react to those words.  Then you find a way to respond.

Are you kind?  Are you coming from a loving place?


Giving yourself a time out is such a healthy way of being.

When you find yourself  angry. Instead of blasting out of frustration.

Call a time out.

Weather its for an hour, or a few, take a walk. Move your body.

Take a bath/shower.  Whatever it takes to calm down so you can speak from the foundation you set up at the beginning of your relationship.

The foundation of



 getting clarity within your heart is the first step.

When you’re clear with what you desire, then you can speak it in such a way

that you’re partner can HEAR you.


Do you believe that people with unlimited funds are happier because they can buy all the toys they want?

I don’t think so.  Everything is relative to each situation.

So, what ever you do


do it from your heart.  Anger, fear, frustration doesn’t make for kindness, doesn’t make for a happy soul.


Today is 4/offering

The first of March.


As I sit here writing this, I have five dollars to my name.

Does it matter?



Rent is due, oh well.

In the past I would freak out.

Did it matter if I freaked out?



I’m here, I’m alive, breathing, I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and most of all people who love me, and I love them.


I’ve been escorted out of places before.

I’ve camped, lived in trailers.

Lived in my van.



Happiness comes from within,  all this  stuff that piles up.

So much so that people use storage units to keep their stuff.

Most of it won’t ever be used again. Yet we’re such rat packs that the thought of not having all this stuff is unthinkable.


I’ve been there,  I know what it did to my heart, it hurt, all the time.

Then one day, I woke up, I knew that all this ‘stuff’ had to go.

So, it went, yeah.


The house I’m living in now, I love it, I love how sparse it is.

Feels like my old hippy days,  pillows all over the place.

A few odd mismatched chairs.

Lots of candles.


Feels better than all the stuff I had before.

It’s all a process.  First we collect, then we remove.

We, (the collective we) are a strange lot.


When you know who you are, really know.

When you look in the mirror, and talk to yourself.

Acknowledge the beauty, the love, kindness, joy,



What else would you want?

A new pair of shoes.


You can only wear one pair at a time.


Share your love,  share your joy, use it all up before you die.


Social Security



  1. conductive to, marked by

or passed in pleasant companionship with one’s friends or associates

  1. inclined by nature to association or community life with  others of the same species



  1. safety, assurance, safeness
  2. firmness, soundness, stableness, steadiness, strength
  3. pledge 1, earnest, pawn,  token, warrant.


Three  years ago I applied for social security.

Yeah, knowing that this wouldn’t last long, I was taking responsibility towards myself.

This months check had been decreased by over  $200.00.

After being on the phone for about an hour, finding that I couldn’t answer all six (6) questions, they wouldn’t / couldn’t  give me a reason why this drop in my check.


I had to either find this old address, or drive up to Flagstaff ,

It’s over a 100 mile round trip drive, I’m not excited about this.

Gary gets back home, he remembers the PO Box number  that I had used.


The women I was speaking with was so kind, I could feel how badly she was feeling.

She’d been given her directions, and knowing that by bending the rules, she could loose her job. 

The address that I had back in ’07 was the one they had on file.

It was a P.O. box number  that was Gary ’s.

I was using it, not knowing at that time where I wanted to live, where I was going to stay, all this happened shortly after Ian passed.


I called back, again waiting to speak with a live person.

My patients was weaning really fast.

Listening to these voices, pleasant they may be,  I would rather speak with a real person, like it had been when I was growing up.

Service was the mode of that time, and I truly miss it.


When the live person came on, it was the same wonderful lady I had spoken to the first time,  a one in hundred chance this would occur.


She tells me that it’s the Medicare that was removed. I didn’t know I had Medicare.


These systems are comin down, when they do, the sound of the crash will be deafening.


In the mean time we’re still playin  this game with 





Oh, we need more!

No problem, we’ll print what ever you need.


What a joke, the only ones that are laughing are the ‘fat cats’

Their pockets are so full they can’t walk straight. They can’t look you in the eye because you would know that every word coming from their mouth is an out and out lie.  There’s not one ethical bone in any one of their bodies.


They live by a moral code that doesn’t apply to ‘us’, we’re  the lowly ones that does what we’re told.


Consume more goods,

Buy a bigger car,

Now that you’re in a bigger house,

You’ve got to fill it with more stuff.



I just got fired, the company went defunked.

Now what? 

I don’t have enough savings to take care of this house, the cars, the kids,  

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

We’re living the American dream.




THEY continue to feed us ‘cake’.  .  .

I don’t want cake.

I won’t accept cake.


My life is fantastic, because I SAY so.

You can take everything away from me, will it make a difference in my soul?



My mind is there to support my heart and soul.

My mind isn’t here to destroy me.  If and that’s a huge IF,

I allow my mind to take over,

Prozac would be my number one choice.

(I don’t know anything about these, so I spoke the one that I had heard about.


y ears  ago I made a statement about the mind, here it is;

the mind would rather see you dead, then be wrong.”


Do you know someone that took their own life?

Can you see how that persons mind told them this was the only way.

And that person  listening to their mind had them take their own life. 


I took a bottle of valium back in the 70’s,  I really didn’t want to check out, I was screaming for another way of being, of experiencing what I needed, and I didn’t know at that time how to use words to request my needs.

(Now I have the words, and let me tell you how comforting it is to express all my needs with words,  comin from my heart.)

oh, (and my passion, I’m very passionate  about my life)


back to the mind, I’m so very clear  about how devious the mind is, how insidious it can be.  .  .  who’s the boss here?

“Consciousness is not listening.”

That’s from sister Melanie


Moving into this altered position, this state of ‘soul speak’,  it’s like stepping into a new gym,  finding where all the equipment is,  where the weight room is.

Its slow at first,  having your muscles remember how they felt being strong.

After a while it becomes second nature. You don’t need to think about it, its there.


When I lived in Ojai Ca lif ornia , I was going to the gym five sometimes six days a week.

When I started out, I wanted to use the rowing machine,

The first time on it, I rowed for eight minutes, I thought my heart was going to jump out of my body.

Every other day I rowed, every other day I used free weights.

By the end of the 3rd week,  I was rowing for an hour.

I would close my eyes, and row, it was the most amazing meditation.

Now, I power walk, everyday, Spirit and I.  awesome.


Please check out Fred's latest creation The Intrinity.
He was a good friend of Ian's and is a fine artist / jeweler.
Now available in two sizes small and large in Gold and Silver


Click here for more Details

or call Fred at 928-592-9320