Matty's Journal
October 2008


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10/Sun   powerful day, feeling the energy floating all around me , inside as

well as outside. 


Thinking about how I felt when I was holding a new born baby.  Mine or any one else’s.  the feeling is so over whelming that words lack the emotions.

I had a knowing that all was right with my world. That this newness, this tiny new creation had only one energy, LOVE.  Sharing those intimate mo me nts, wanting them to last forever.


Where did that go?   No where, it’s always here for the asking/taking.  This life we’re living is grand, knowing this, following the dotes, from  1/birth till?

One situation leads to the next, then the next.  Being what you had created in one mo me nt lead you to the next. Talking to so me one you thought was a stranger, finding out that what you had been looking for is right in front of you.  There’s so much magic happening all around, I know you feel it, how could you not.  Finding that parking place exactly where you wanted it to be.

That’s magic, and intention of course.  Ian said, “what you pay attention to,

you beco me conscious of.” 


I know I’m more ‘awake’ then I’ve ever been, I’m content with everything that is occurring.  I know that everyone has chosen their lives. Even the starving children.  I’ve talking about the book: 

Courageous Souls by Robert Schwartz.  How I view life now, as before reading this book, I had a different point of view then I do now.


There are no victims, take no prisoners.  What you pay attention to, you beco me conscious of.  It’s the mind that wants to complicate everything.

Life truly is simple.  While holding the new baby in your arms, is there any thoughts about anything else.  Most likely not.  Holding that baby is all there is in the entire world.  Being with the baby. 


So, what if, you could take those emotions, that sensation that you feel,

Knowing that you can have that emotion any ti me you wish, because the

Truth of the matter is, when you hold that baby, you’re holding your inner baby, the child that only wants to be loved.  Would you scold that baby for

Anything it did???  NO.  Why are we so hard on ourselves?  What is that all about?  Be as kind to yourself as you are to that ‘new born baby’.  Cradle her, love her, show her how much you care.  Would you feed your baby junk food?

Silly question. Had to ask. 


I went to the out door far me rs market the other day.  (I love going there, I hug everyone that will let me )  anyway,  this beautiful young man whom I buy my coffee from, we hugged, he said,  you’re always in a good mood.  I write my own script, why in the world would I write anything in there that would make me feel crappy.  He laughed so hard.  He said,  I got it.”


Re me mber the movie;  Forest Gump, sure you do.  He was so present, he was in the mo me nt.  We’ve gone astray, now we’re returning to our divinity, yeah.


The other day, the momma and the four baby peacocks ca me by, as they do daily.

The babies eat out of my hand,  the momma showed them, she ate first, the babies followed, now they co me over to me to feed them, it is the cuties thing ever.   The next day, the momma ca me with three babies.  They were born on 6/7/08  so, their 2 ½ months.  I freaked out.  An owl must have snatched it out of the tree the night before.  They were hanging around on the banister, one of the babies jumped down, knocked over Gary’s coffee cup and it broke.  I looking at the cut, it didn’t me an anything to me .  ‘They’ were telling me the sa me ,  it doesn’t me an anything, the owl needed to eat, to the owl this is a me al, nothing else.  My mind wanted to make it me an a whole lot.

Where would that have taken me ?  It would have had me stay in upset, even the momma wasn’t upset, she was getting on with her life.  Taking care of the others.


The mind is a dangerous place, don’t go there alone.

What follows are quotes from  Dr. Michael Idvorsky Pupin  1859 ~ 1935


“Science gives us plenty of ground for intelligent hope that our physical life is only a stage in the existence of the soul.  The law of continuity and the general scientific view of the universe tend to strengthen our belief that the soul goes on existing and developing after death.”


While living in Serbia as a young boy, he gazed at the stars and listened to the distant church bells.  “It seemed to me then, that light and sound were divine methods of speech, and so two questions:  What is light?  What is sound?” He realized that his boyhood fancy was correct.  When he heard great musicians play he felt the vibrations from the strings, they speak a language that is a true message from heaven.  He was asked to explain his concept of Heaven. 

“It is what scientists call the real world and of which this world is only a picture.  All scientific work and investigation are directed toward further revelation of the world beyond.  All of this world – the present world – that we know anything about is perceived through the senses.  We see a sunset, a rainbow, the new green of spring.  We hear the songs of the birds, we smell the perfume of the rose, we taste, we feel, but it all leads to glimpses of another world.  Wherever science has explored the universe, it has found it to be a manifestation of a coordinating principle, a definite, guiding principle which leads from chaos to cosmos.  I choose to believe in this coordinating principle as a divine intelligence.  There is dependability, continuity everywhere present in the universe.”






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The Rainforests of Love

Heavenletter # 2834 Published on: August 28, 2008

God said:


Love is true, and love comes from the heart, and it is not true that love can be hurt, and yet I will say there is no Human heart that does not know hurt. Each heart carries its own subterfuge of ache.


There are no wounded hearts, for there is not a heart in the world that can exist without love. Where there is love, there is no wound. And it is an impossibility that even one heart without love can exist. Only hearts with love exist. And yet My children have had wounded hearts, and My children know what it is to have an aching heart.


You would spare all hearts pain. If you could deflect pain from even one heart, you would. You would like to prevent pain from any heart, and yet you have stomped on hearts. You have to admit it. But the heart you have stomped on most is the one located in your own chest. The way a man may beat his wife, you have become a heart-beater. You have restricted the beat of your heart. You have silenced it. You have downtrodden your heart. Your heart fears to distress you, and so you distress it. The more you pussyfoot around with your heart, the more pained it feels.


Your heart is incapable of being hurt, and yet you hurt it. The Truth of your heart is not what you have perceived. You have made your heart a fledgling bird not yet ready to fly. You have held it back by keeping it in a nest it long outgrew. Surely it is time now that you release your heart. Take off what you have bound your heart with. Take off the idea that your heart can be hurt. Stop hurting it. You have to let go of your heart, and you have to let go of those phantom wounds in your heart. The perceived wounds do not really require healing, or their healing lies in their being freed. You have held your heart in bondage for way too long.


Your heart is not meant for suffering. Your heart is made for freedom. Let your heart be free. Your heart knows better than you do what it should be. Your heart would like to free you from the bondage you have chained yourself to. You have protested the cutting of your heart in the same way you would chain yourself to a tree in order to prevent its being chopped down. Only you have pulled the chain too tight, and you are the one hurting the tree. Even though you mean to protect it, you have been hurting it.


Listen to Me. The best protection you can give your heart is to let it be free. Unbind it now. Rub its wrists. Get your heart's circulation back.


If you have covered your heart with ice, you did so with the idea of prolonging your heart's life, but you have been misguided. No heart is meant to be chilly. All hearts are meant to be warmed by the sun. Take those ice packs off. Simply throw them away. Ice melts. Your heart would not have to melt except you froze it.


Let your heart now be in the rainforests of love. Let the native drums of your heart beat with the audacity they are meant to. No heart was ever meant to be restricted. All hearts are meant to beat in the rhythm of nature and not to the rhythm of an imposed calculation. Your heart is best left to its own devices. It will get its rhythm back. You can be sure that your heart knows the song it is meant to sing, and sing your heart must, not a composed song you have laid out, but its own tune. Call it atavistic if you will, but let your heart be free to be a heart and not a man-made contraption tied to all kinds of concepts of your making. Unpain your hearts, beloveds. Let go of the myth of restriction as a holy thing. Let your heart beat in the freedom of love. Let your heart be what it is. Remember your heart is Mine. Would you really restrict My heart of love?



The game starts out on an equal field, each player received the same amount of money.  The dice is thrown to see who goes first.  At the beginning all  players are relaxed, giddy in a sense.  Each in their own mind feeling as though they would be the winner.


Round the board you go. Buying up all the properties you land on. When all the properties are bought,  the game takes on an entirely new ‘experience’. 

The trading begins. Blocks of property is owned by one ‘player’,  the rent goes up.

Internal tension is felt.  You own Pennsylvania Ave,  No. Carolina Ave,  Pacific Ave,  you own Vermont Ave, Oriental Ave,  Connecticut Ave,  the other guy owns, Park Place and Board Walk,  and the Yellow,  Atlantic Ave, Marvin Gardens, and Ventnor Ave.  You’re coming around the corner, crossing your fingers that you land on ‘Chance’, you surly don’t want to land on Boardwalk, he’s got a Hotel, the cost of landing on him is $2000. way more then you have in your bank roll.  If you land on him, you’ll have to ‘mortgage’ your property,  leaving you vulnerable. 


You luck out this time around, you breath a sigh of relief.  Another player comes around towards your green property. He lands on you, you have two houses, not big money, yet enough so that you don’t feel stressed when it’s your turn once again, and you’re headed towords Park Place. You count your money, “If I land on him, I could cover the rent.”   You land on Park Place , handing over $1,500. all most all of your ‘savings’.  You’re thinking,  ‘one more throw of the dice, you’ll collect $200. as you pass go.  Now you’re thinking it would be great to land in ‘jail’,  that way you could stay there for three rolls of the dice before you pay your ‘fine’ to get out. 




What we’re experiencing right now has almost the same resonance as Monopoly.  Round and round we go, throw the dice to see where it takes you.  Where do you put your attention?  How much energy do you give to ‘your bank account?’ 


Gary, Spirit and I lived on land that was absolutely magnificent.  Huge trees, surrounded by mountains, the enchanted forest where Spirit and I walked almost daily.  Peacocks roaming freely, horses carrying the energy from ancient times.  Food growing in the garden that Gary nurtured daily.

I wrote, read, shared energy with my ‘soul’ family.  Those who owned this land had a consciousness that resonated on a plateau totally different then mine.  I kept to myself,  didn’t interact with ‘them’. 


I was in Los Angeles visiting my family,  Gary called to tell me he was handed a (7) day notice to vacate the property.  This was on a Tuesday,  I had made plans to return on Saturday.  I knew I needed to return asap.  How to make this happen?  Humm.  Daughter Jo-e put the rental car on her ‘credit’ card. Getting home on Thursday.  We started packing.  Where was the funds coming from to rent a truck?  My pass port was sitting on my dresser, picking it up, it fell open, (2) $100. Bills sat there, I was dumb struck.  My legs wouldn’t move, Gary walked by, I called him over, he had the same expression on his face as I had when I saw this.  “This is our rental truck.”


I opened a PO Box,  not wanting any mail to come to the other address. 

We had until Tuesday midnight to leave.  Monday, Gary went for the truck.

The owner came over pointing her finger at me, accusing me of what ever she felt she needed to accuse me of.  That it is all my fault that we have to move.  What I said to her I won’t write here.  She said, “you get out tonight.”   No problem.  Gary returned, I told him what had happened and what was said.  He asked, “Where will we go?”  I called sister Leah, she said we could stay at her place for the night.  We got the truck packed. We were off her property by 7:30 .  I couldn’t think any longer.  I wanted my body to relax.  Being with Leah, her holding a sacred space for us, feeling her love surround me, that was all that was needed at the moment.  Tomorrow will take care of itself. 


We drove to Prescott ,  the invitation was revoked a couple of hours after we arrived.  She was on over whelm,  I understand over whelm perfectly.  My love for her never wavered.  Leah said we could spend the night, yet, this would be the last.  She rents and her ‘landlady’ would freak if she knew Spirit was there, even though Spirit slept in the car, (his choice).


I called  my soul sister Almon,  telling her I need to borrow $300.  Getting a storage until, and making sure we returned the truck with in the 24hr period, other wise we would pay for another day.  The 24 hrs would be up by 5 p.m. on Tuesday.  There’s a storage until next to the post office, (how convenient)   it was  4:45 , we had about 10 more minutes before we completely unpacked the truck, it was Gary and Me.  I called the truck company,

A young female voice answered,  I said,  “Please, Please, Please wait for us, we’ll be there by 5:15 , please wait.”  She said she would.


We got back to Leah’s,  Terry was there, he had helped pack the truck, along with Casey, Gary and myself.  What I had asked Source was this, “I want a place where we can live on land in exchange for work.” 


I had met George back in 2000, he’s an amazing wood worker, some of the most spectacular furniture I’ve seen comes from his shop.  When I spoke with him, he said, “No, I don’t think it would work, not with Spirit.”


Telling Gary what he said, I looked at him, hearing my stomach growl.  I’ve been a vegetarian for over 30 years,  lately my body wants red meat.  What’s cool about Gary and I living together is we’re the same blood type, so our eating pattern is alike. Easy.  We went to Sonic, shared a burger and fries, all for about $5.oo.   Now I can think.  Tummy filled. Spirit in the back seat. He’s content, as long as he’s with me, he doesn’t care where we go.


My cell phone rings, (when I was in Chicago  daughter Kelly asked me if I wanted a cell phone, being she and Donnie (husband) don’t use all their minutes, what a blessing, thank you my sweet daughter, I so love you)  “Hey Madaline, it’s George, come by, well talk more.”   We drove over to Camp Verde . The minute we drove onto the property,  felling the energy, I knew this was where we were going to land. 

He said he thought about having others be here, that the last year he had done everything alone, and he knew he needed to move energy, he offered us a place, a small trailer, (talk about scaling down.)


Our storage unit is paid for until the end of October.  Gary said,  why don’t we sell everything, the unit is an expensive closet.” 

So, that is what we’re going to do.  For the past 2 ½ yrs, we’ve accumulated a couch, an dinning table, desk, TV, a bed. Tables, chairs.  Way tooooo much gravity.   The TV was for watching movies.  It wouldn’t fit in this 24 ft. trailer. 


For the first (3) days we didn’t have water here, when our neighbor come over, he worked for 6 hrs to get us water.  It’s cold, its water, yeah. 

This is the community I was craving and didn’t know how it was missing until we got here.  These neighbors are of like mind, community is where it’s at.

At the other place it was ‘them’ and ‘us’.  They didn’t want what I wanted.  It’s all in divine order as always.   Thrilled to be out of there, for sure.


We’ve shifted so much energy in this short week, it’s blowing George away.

Watching him be on over whelm. Yet, he’s being present, he’s taking in everything that he wanted and asked for.  Assistance in altering his land. There’s a way of being that I’ve noticed some time ago, that is, “I speak into the listening.”  Paying attention to how the persons body language is, how they look at me or at the ground, or someplace else.  Knowing when to change the subject.  Creating balance, and lots of hugs.


I hadn’t been connected to the internet for (3) weeks,  yesterday, the

13th October I got reconnected. Scary, 2000 emails.  Going through them.

Being present,  that’s it, being with what ever there is.


We had a yard sale on Saturday, sold what ever, the rest was given to

Paws Thrift shop.  Feels good, really good.

Still don’t have hot water, yet to have a toilet that flushes, oh yeah, camping with a real toilet.  What a hoot.


Spirit and I take our morning walk-about, finding new trails. Singing to Grandpa Sun,  feeling Mother Earth, what ever emotion shows up, and boy do they show themselves.  Hours of tears.  Feeling my entire family surrounding me,  filling me with all the love that can be felt. 


The sky is huge here,  I watch the sun rise daily, and set, I didn’t get to see this where I was living before.  Our little community is so sweet, having meals together, working the land.  My heart is filled.


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