Matty's Journal
November 2006


November 28th

12 / Serpent


The clouds are grey, ominous, sounds of thunder overhead as we {Spirit, Maxie and I} left the house for our morning walk.


Before we left I had a talk with Spirit, telling him he must walk with me, that he either listened, or he would be put on his leash. He was angry that I left him, gone for 6 days visiting my family for Thanksgiving and my grandsons 13th birthday, and my birthday.  I needed to be with my family, in the past he would come with, this time he stayed with Gary , he’s fond of him, and Gary loves him very much.


Thinking about the days energy,  12, understanding, also, Ian’s Mayan birthday is  12 / Sun, my Mayan birthday is 6 / Serpent, When ever our energies would meld, {in the past} I would feel a deeper connection, a power that crept into my being in a way that on other days would wash over me with a contentment, a feel good sensation that would have me smile, have the entire universe dance, sing, and play a happy tune.Today, the energy brought this enormous fuel of power that I wasn’t sure what was going on inside my body.


Walking between the fence into ‘my enchanted forest’ taking in the love
the forest offers me, speaking to the elementals, thanking them for their love.  Very seldom do we come across anyone else on the trail. This morning there was a women and her dog, she had her dog on a leash, Maxie and Spirit wanted to play, She held her dog, saying, “NO, NO” grabbing Spirit and Maxie by the collar, my heart started racing, Spirit being 130 lbs, and Maxie, maybe 70, neither one liked being held that way. We made it around the women, and continued our walk, I found myself welling up with a deeper emotion than when I started out. Feeling the tears well up, feeling them run down my cheeks. Walking faster, then faster still, the burning in my calf’s let me know I was alive, I walked faster, the tears were burning my eyes. 


I wanted to scream, feeling the frustration welling up within.

Inside I was screaming at Ian, will this ever stop?


I had three layers of clothes on; it’s cold, under 40o. Feeling the sweat covering my face.  My round trip walk takes about 45 min, sometimes longer, today was a longer one, when returning I slowed down my pace. A cold breeze ran over my face, cooling me down, saying “thank you” . . .   tears continue to flow, I’ve given up looking for reasons, don’t care about reasons, feeling the emotions, knowing that this is the only place that emotions can be felt.  A lone rain drop fell, landing on the outside of my right eye, knowing Ian was weeping with me.  I so love you Ian, Please come back, please. 


God has not called us to see through one another, but to see one another through.


I know that God doesn’t give me anything I can’t handle. There have been times when I would want to debate that, now I know, deep within, that EVERYTHING that is being given to me is a gift. Would you refuse a gift from God?  What a foolish question, yet, look what happens when your in fear, or angry, it’s because ‘this’ gift is not accepted.  Accept the gift, and you’re a peace.


God never places a burden upon shoulders unfit to carry it.


Larry Eisenberg said,  For peace of mind, we need to resign as general manager of the universe.”  


Time to let go, let God do the work.


While in LA, walking with daughter Jo~e, we passed a young man that was walking towards us, he was dragging his leg, and the right side of his body couldn’t stand straight.  Jo~e said,  there by the grace of God go I.”  “Jo~e”  she turned towards me, I said, “about four days ago, while on my morning walk, that thought came to me, I looked closer to those words,  thinking about how I view my life ‘today’,  I’ve changed the phrase to, ‘There by the grace of God, there I am.’   she shook her head,  “yes, yes, there by the grace of God, that is me.”  While passing this young man, we said, hello, he smiled, he said, hello.


Sometimes I feel befuddled, I smile at everyone, there are times when passing by another on the street, or in a shop, and that person has their head down.  What is that? Afraid of contact, afraid that another would take something from them, what?


Free Hugs.  There’s a healing center here, on their building they’ve put up a sign,   FREE HUGS.   I love that.  I carry my Free hugs sign in the trunk of my car. I never know when I want to pull it out, its amazing how I can read a person by the way they will allow themselves to melt into me.  Easier read then one’s palm.


16th Nov. ‘06


Wanting to say something about Ian, about this entire year.

Walking way from my computer, asking Ian what to say.

what do you want me to say Ian?  Help me out here.”


This is what I heard, I’m not going to explain, or make sense of any of this, I, Matty, aka  Madaline  have a request, 




{wherever you are, doesn’t matter about what time zone.}




What ever experiences you have,  please share them with me, I love hearing from you.   


Blessings,   In Lak’ech to  all,  I couldn’t have done this with out you,

There’s only one of us out there. 



Truth reveals itself when the heart is still,


I’m hearing a tale that can’t be told,

Sitting under my hat, it’s tendency is growing old.


There are words a plenty, that I know, waiting for

The moment to let it all go.


Can you listen, can you see, can you find your way to me?

The path is clear, your energy is near, there is nothing to fear


Light a candle one by one, make a wish and it will be done.

Close your eyes and think of me,


I’m with you always, and in all~ways. . .

Sunday, the 22nd of October ’06 ,

My car was packed the night before, I’m leavin for Los Angeles in the morning.  The sun hadn’t come up, it was around 6 am, great time to travel, Sunday, no one on the road, energy is quiet, pleasurable, cool air, crispness biting into my face, yeah,, ,  

I’m excited, my daughter is getting married on the 28th, Donnie is a breath of fresh air, fantastic addition to our family.

I love driving alone, listening to my thoughts, singing, humming along with the angles, it’s the best.

Once in a while I’ll turn the radio on, came upon an interview about coco,  there was a study made with 107 men over a 15 year period of time, these men drank a cup or more of coco every day. At the end of the 15 years, every single one of them remained healthy, no heart problems, no liver problems, no problems.  There’s a tribe, {sorry was driving so I didn’t write the name of the tribe down.} that drink any where from one to four cups of coco a day, they never ever have heard of heart problems, or any other organ problems.  Yet when one would leave the village and adventure into a large city, taking on a new way of living, they also took on heart problems, and all else that we’re so open to experience. This coco didn’t have sugar in it, it’s in pure form.  Wish I had more info for you, this blend was mixed with green tea.  Can’t buy it at a store yet. 

Knowing there are so many avenues that we haven’t been privy to, yet we’re getting what we need, when we need it.

When I arrived at my daughters, she was working, her girl friend was there, we chatted, I went on errands with her, good to catch up. The next day was a blur. Other than having my hair cute.

Tuesday, Kelly, daughter who’s getting married, {she lives in Chicago } was coming in, Jo~e and I were picking her up around 3pm .

The morning was very interesting, I had a date to meet Ea, {brother Ea lives in Mexico , the stone carvings that are posted are his} we made plans to meet at the Broadway Deli on the corner or 3rd and Broadway, in Santa Monica at 10 am.  Jo~e was a work, so I was alone in her apartment.  It was 9:20 , I decided to take my book, get there early and read, it’s a fun people place.

Anyway, got into my car, no deal, no start, battery dead.  Ok, I hear the voice, ‘walk’, it’s 25 blocks, beautiful warm day, high 70’s, Jo~e’s shop is on 11th and Broadway, so I was going to get the key from her, being now that I was on the outside of the door, there I stood. It’s all divine.

Walking into her shop, we hugged, telling her about the battery being dead, getting the key, she asks me if I want to take her car, “No, it’s only another 8 blocks.”  I’m approaching  8th street, the traffic light just turned red, there’s a beautiful goddess waiting on the other corner, I turn to say good morning, at the same time my toe catches a crack in the sidewalk, I’m down, hit my left knee hard, I must of passed out for a moment because when I opened my eyes, I was on my back with my water bottle under my head, by the grace of god, the water bottle saved me from hitting my head on the pavement.  She comes over, saying, “I don’t like the way your head is, can I put your bag under your head?”  “Yes.”  Then, another goddess shows up, I’ve got one holding my right hand, another holding my left, I hear a male voice, “I’ve already called the fire department.” I heard panic in his voice, looking up at the sky, there were white billowy clouds, it was amazing, the man was dressed to the nines, beautiful, the goddess holding my left hand asked me if I were alright, smiling I said, “no, I think if I were alright, I wouldn’t be lying on the sidewalk.”  Then I hear her say,  Oh my goodness, is he gorgeous.”  “So, I have to fall in order to meet a beautiful fireman.” We laughed.  They wanted to take me to the emergency,  I tapped my wrist as if I were wearing a watch, saying I’m fine, and I have someone waiting for me.

I was able to bend my leg, I really felt fine, they helped ,me up, I went over to the goddess who was holding my left hand, we hugged, the fireman said, “wow, do you feel that energy.”  Cool.  I hugged them all, they wanted to take me, to get checked out, I wouldn’t go, way to stubborn. 

The knees on my jeans were dirty, the side of me also, I said, well, this is how I’ll be seen.  The other fireman said, “well, you sure don’t look like one of the homeless.”  {funny joke, at least I think its funny, when you date a homeless person, at least you can drop them off anywhere.}  I heard that in a movie.

Got to the deli 20 after. It was a good meeting. Later daughter Jo~e picked me up to go to the airport. I relayed the story to her, all she could do was shake her head.  We park at LAX.  Walk into the terminal, she brought some food, “Are you hungry?”  I could eat I tell her, she hands me a set of chop sticks, she had gotten rice noodles and veggies, I hadn’t noticed that my arm wasn’t working well, I couldn’t handle the chop sticks, and I couldn’t bring my arm up to my mouth, we laughed so hard,

When we returned to the apartment Jo~e gave me something to relax my muscles. This is good, being I don’t take anything, yet, I’m open.

When I contacted sister in Hawaii, telling her what happened, she and Ian worked on my, by the 3rd day, all the tension was gone, the discoloration was gone, everything was put back to normal .



Need help?

"Asking for help doesn’t mean that we are weak or incompetent. It usually indicates an advanced level of honesty and intelligence."

-- Anne Wilson Schaef

The path of healing begins with awareness that things can be different. We must be willing to open to the potential, the possibility for change.

We also need to acknowledge that we are not in this experience alone, without support. The divine power of love is here for us, if we are willing to open to receive it. Sincerely ask for help and loving support will manifest in both mundane and magical ways.

"The healthy, the strong individual, is the one who asks for help when he needs it. Whether he has an abscess on his knee or in his soul."

-- Rona Barrett


Magic happened the entire time I was in Los Angeles .  I had an intention, more than being with my family for daughter Kelly’s wedding, there was healing that I felt needed to appear.

This next tale is right out of a movie, I asked permission from ‘him’ he said, there’s noting that could stop you from telling the story, I said, if you told me you didn’t want me to, I wouldn’t.  so, here goes,

bout a week before I was leaving for LA, daughter Kelly called, we were on the phone for about an hour,, first she took a really deep breath,  “I was talking with dad the other day, and I asked him, ‘for you to have the perfect day on the day of my wedding, what would that look like?”  I’m waiting for this one.  She goes on, “He said, ‘Tell your mom, NOT TO TALK TO ME.”  I couldn’t contain myself, I broke up laughing, then I said, “sorry, I just think that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.” Kelly agreed, there was so much more around this story, we’ve not been together for more then 22 years. And we had spent holidays together up until a couple of years ago. Any way. I said, I will honor his request, no problem.

Saturday the day of the wedding, grandson Cole and I drive over to Kenny’s,

{he’s my wasbend}  {the X thing hadn’t ever resonated with me} Cole and I talked about beings on other galaxy’s and what happens to you once you leave your body. By the way Cole is 12 earth years, we had a great time, being there was so much busyness going on, having a few moments alone with any of the children/grandchildren is a blessing.

I asked Cole what he thought about what happens when someone leaves their body, he said, “they come back right away.”  that’s one possibility, wanna hear what I think?”  He shook his head.  “well, I think that when someone, like Ian leaves his body, his soul continues to explore other possibilities that we cant’ see on this earthly plan, and at some point, I believe he will return.”

Cole was thinking about this,  I can see that too. Yeah, that’s another way for some to return if they want to.”

We talked about beings on other planets, other star seeds. He said, “It would seem unlikely that we would be the only ones in the entire galaxy.”


Interview with Dalai Lama


"Whether one believes in a religion or not, and whether one believes in rebirth or not, there isn't anyone who doesn't appreciate kindness and compassion."

                                         His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama



Ok, the wedding is at Kenny’s town home, he has impeccable taste, his place is a show place, yet cozy, beautiful. Anyway. 

Arriving, Kelly, Jo~e and Krista were outside, this was good, walking into the house with them felt comforting. Not that I felt uncomfortable, I felt great, excited about my baby girl getting married.

I’m there for about an hour, Kenny and I happen to pass one another on the stair well,  with his head down, and a deep voice he says, “Hello.”  I in turn do the same,  I chuckle as I continue to the top floor where Kelly and company are putting the finishing touches on the bride. When I get a picture I’ll send it. They looked fantastic. Just writing this now, my chest fills like a proud peacock. 

The service was magical, everyone that spoke with me told me they had been to many weddings, never have they felt the love they experienced today.

Those who cared to were asked to share what they felt about the bride and groom.  Kelly’s daddy spoke, he was quite emotional and eloquent, very tender, I spoke also, as did many others. Anyway, about Kenny, someone standing next to me said, “that was really touching, I felt his love for your daughter.”  I responded with, Yes, how he speaks is from his heart.  Well, he heard me, and said, “thank you.”  “You’re very welcome.”  Shortly after, I was headed upstairs to the bathroom, there are two patio’s, the larger is where the service was, and the small one is on the top floor, Kenny was heading out onto the patio, “goin out for a smoke?”  looking over his shoulder,  “wanna  join me?”  I followed.  He loaded up his pipe, lite it, passed it to me.  We sat a chatted for a few moments. We shared the peace pipe, all’s well.  

Walking down together, everyone was there as Kelly and Donnie, new bride and groom we’re going to cute the cake, Kenny was standing to my right, I took his left arm and put it around my shoulder.

He looked at Kelly saying, “Take a look at this.”  Kelly put her fist to her chest, “where are the paddles.”  As one would do to another who’s heart was failing.   We’ll as the energy continued to move, a circle appeared, dance music was permeating through the house, Nina grabbed me to come into the center to dance, I did, then I turned and grabbed Kenny, he’s smooth, his parents were ballroom dancers. He went from looking as though his face was wax, to a light hearted daddy of the bride.

The day was coming to a close, everyone was saying their good by’s  . . .

Kenny was in the kitchen, I went in to say good night, we hugged, and he kissed me on the lips.  OK THEN. . .   from don’t talk to me,  this is good.

Tuesday,  I’m with son Ray, his cell rings, he chats for a few moments, then says, “she’s right here, you ask her.”   You guessed, it’s Kenny.

“Why don’t you give the kids a break and come over for dinner tonight?”

“I would love to, I have an issue, I don’t like to drive at night.”

“That’s not an issue, I have a second bedroom, you can sleep over.”

Ok, this is beyond anything I could have dreamt up.

I arrived around 4, we sat and talked about what we’ve been doing the  last 20 + years. 

He has a cat, she’s really tiny, maybe 6 lbs. and she 6 or 7 years old. He tells me she doesn’t like anyone but him, that she hisses. Even at Kelly, I shake my head, cat come over to me rubs her head, then her entire body on my leg. I scoot down, sitting on my heals, hands folded between my legs, she comes over to rub up against my hands, I put my finger out to feel her, wow, she feels like Mink, and has the same color. I say nothing, Kenny doesn’t say anything, nothing needed to be said, her actions said it all.

It’s around 6:30 , dinner is ready, we walk into the dinning room, he pulls out the chair for me, “sit.”  He walks out of the room, I continue to stand, he put music on, Bonnie Rate. Can’t remember the song, yet it was so apropos for what was occurring at that moment, when Kenny walked back into the room, I grabbed him and we danced, what a trip, right out of a movie.

After dinner standing in the kitchen doing the dishes, talking about what just happened. We agreed, this was a fantastic movie scene We laughed.

Around 10, I said, I’m done for this day, we said good night, had a great night sleep, mission accomplished. Yeah.




Give what I really don't want to give.


Sacrifice my integrity to anyone.


Do more than I have time to do.


Drain my strength for others.


listen to unwise counsel.


Retain an unfair relationship


Be anyone but exactly who I am.


Conform to unreasonable demands.


Be 100% perfect.


Follow the crowds.


Put up with unpleasant people.


Bear the burden of another's misbehavior.


Do something I cannot really do.


Endure my own negative thoughts.


Submit to overbearing conditions.


Meekly let life pass me by.



                                               Journey of Love



Talking - From the 'Prophet'


"You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts;

And when you can no longer dwell in the solitude of your heart you live in your lips, and sound is a diversion and a pastime.

And in much of your talking, thinking is half murdered. For thought is a bird of space, that in a cage of words many indeed unfold its wings but cannot fly.

There are those among you who seek the talkative through fear of being alone. The silence of aloneness reveals to their eyes their naked selves and they would escape.

And there are those who talk, and without knowledge or forethought reveal a truth which they themselves do not understand.

And there are those who have the truth within them, but they tell it not in words. In the bosom of such as these the spirit dwells in rhythmic silence.

When you meet your friend on the roadside or in the market place, let the spirit in you move your lips and direct your tongue. Let the voice within your voice speak to the ear of his ear;

For his soul will keep the truth of your heart as the taste of the wine is remembered when the color is forgotten and the vessel is no more."

Unknown author








Matty at the Page Springs Peacock Ranch

baby Peahen


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