Matty's Journal
September 2006

  NEW UPDATE UPDATED 9/24/06 - click here

3 / Flint

Ethics and the boldfaced truth are the order of this day. Also called, the day of Mirror, falsehoods are unmercifully cut away by the sword of truth. Swing it wisely for this sword has two edges. Those that expose the truth are fully expected to bear that truth out.



Our conversation was intense last night, intense in a way that brought so much more clarity to the fore front of my consciousness.  I felt emotions that I hadn’t had words for until I heard them from you , a deeper sense of myself.  My tears were welcoming, they had been sitting, waiting patiently for the perfect moment,  this moment was brought to me by hearing your voice, feeling your love. 


The depth of my love for Ian continues to astound me,  Ian and I have had so many life times where there hadn’t been  completion, so each life has brought us closer to being complete. 

There’s sadness and joy all wrapped up in one magnificent package. 


Our conversation last night, the laughter, the tears, lying on my bed, looking at the picture of Ian I have sitting next to me, feeling his energy, there was a whisper of his breath  I felt on my skin. 


There’s an ancient belief system that keeps me from remembering  everything at this time, yet, with each day, more of the memory returns.  I’ve seen segments of  other experiences,


“Ian and I were Mayan  Priest and Priestess,  we had a Mystery school.  Our two children, and the children from the village attended our school.  One afternoon, Ian and I were sitting at the edge of a cliff,   our son, {at the time} was 8 and daughter , 6,  our blanket was spread,  food and water , sun was raising, early morning mist,  right below was a deep ravine,  hundreds of feet down.  The children were excited, this was a new day, a day where they were to experience energy they had heard about, the experience of dematerialize, and rematerialize on the other side of the ravine.  The children prepared themselves, remembering what they had learned in the classroom, and experienced from one side of a space to another, never to the extent they were to experience this day.  They sat with us for a while, breathing in the light from Source, they would know when they were ready.   They stood, held hands as Ian and I held hands, these are our children, and knowing they are magnificent beings,  the word fear was non existent in our village.  Within a blink of an eye they were on the other side of the ravine, we felt one another breath, the children waved, jumping up and down,  they sat on the ground,  Ian and I sat, the four of us breathing as one,  within moments the children were standing in front of us  Hugging, kissing one another,.”


This is our birth right, we’ve been living this illusion for so long,  buying the lie  hook line and sinker.  Yet, what I’m witnessing at this time is  our collective memory, returning to our tribe,  as we continue to gather, we know with out words that we recognize one another from our soul,   in knowing  that this is where we are meant to be. 


I am in the middle of it, I am the center of my universe, as you are the center of yours,  what ever you do, what ever you say, how ever you say it will be brought to you,  as long as it is for the good of all.  Source wants for you what you want for you.  I know you’ve heard this many times before about making sure the words you use are what you want, not what you don’t want.


A friend of mine said,  I don’t want to get sick!”  I asked him to rephrase his words, he looked at me,  then said,  “I am healthy, and will continue to remain healthy.”  I asked him how that felt, and how his body felt when he said “I don’t want to get sick.” He said there was  a tightness in his chest, then when he changed his words he said,  there is a contentment in my body, more relaxed.  That’s what we’re all looking for, to have contentment within, to remain in our ‘allowing’ space, when I first heard Abraham speak those words,  The Law of Allowing.”  my world changed. When I get into my mind, allowing the words to take me away from THIS moment, there’s more sadness than I feel I can handle. I know that I’m always given what I can handle, even when my mind wants to say other wise.  It’s such a wild ride,


I’m also witnessing more people holding onto the shore. Remember what the Hopi said, “ Let go of the shore, float into the middle of the river, see who’s in there with you and celebrate. Those who hang onto the shore will suffer greatly.”

I had planes to go to Los Angeles to have Darshon with Mother Meera, that was on the 17th of Aug.  well the van broke down, so, my decision to go was changed.  Being with my children was the biggest part of going to LA.  For the next two days, all I could do was cry.  Speaking with my beloved sister, having her say, “you are not responsible for Gary , you are responsible for you, you have a car, get in it and go be with your family.”  This was on Friday, the 18th Aug,  I took a deep breath, went over to Gary,   “Gary, I’m feeling guilty about my leaving you here with out a car, yet, I’m taking care of my needs, what this looks like right now, I’m leaving tomorrow morning to be with my family,” He was supportive, and acknowledged me for speaking my truth,.


Being with my family, having the time to be alone with my grandchildren, going to the beach, digging for sand crabs, building walls so the water wouldn’t fill our tunnels. One statement I made to the children ,  “one of the most important things to remember,   you always have choice,  you were born with that birth right, to choose what you want to do, how you want your life to be as long as you keep yourself safe, and cause no harm to another.”


Reece is 12,  Maia is 6,  { they are Ray and Jodi’s children} they fill me so,  I didn’t get to have much time with Cole, they are amazing beings.  The entire eight days were filled with their life. Packing, moving things, some of my things. Some of Ian’s things.  Reece would walk past me, with the tips of his beautiful fingers he would stroke my arm, ever so softly.  Other times he would walk to me, put his arms around me, we would hug, no words were exchanged.


This was the best week of my life, every day is the best day of my life.  On Sunday, the 27th Aug, they moved to Santa Barbara , and I left to come back home.


My beautiful ‘86 Chevy made it almost all the way home,  about an hour away, she coughed,  “Oh please, we can make it home!?”  she coughed louder, I pulled over, raised the hood, she was over heated, and so was I, standing facing the on coming traffic, I said, “ok, someone stop, please.”  Within two minutes, a sheriff stopped, he asked if I had someone to call that could help,  I called Fred, {he’s my angle that is making the G/B for us}  I don’t know why I called, being I have a AAA membership, {the only thing I’ve kept alive, and while Ian and I were traveling in the motor home we used it often.}  using the sheriff’s cell phone  I called AAA,  he asked if I needed anything, water,  I thanked him, he was on his way.  In the middle of  Hwy I 17,  it must have been 100 +  . . .  a few small bushes, no trees for shade.  I was so ok with it all.


It seemed like 10 or 15 min. passed since the sheriff left,  he pulled up behind me, when he got out of his car, I said,  “oh I’m so glad to see you, did you miss me,”  he laughed,  making sure your ok, do you want some cold water.  No, really I’m good, while holding a bottle of water in my arms, could have made tea with water this warm. 


He said, he would check back if he didn’t get any emergency calls. I thanked him, we shook hands. He was off.


A few minutes later,  I turned towards the opposite direction, a new white duly was backing up towards me,  I felt tears rolling down my cheeks.  He stepped out, walked towards me, I felt his light body, gentle, kind compassion.  “Are you ok?”  “Yes, thank you.”  He looked at me, seeing the tears. “ I’m very emotional, and I’m really fine.” I told him I’ve called AAA and they would be here when they got here. He asked if I would be ok if he stayed with me for a while.  “That would be wonderful.  He asked if I wanted to sit in the truck.  I told him, “thank you, I love the sun.”  he told me he does too, that he was going to Colorado to get this last load of stuff, that he’s moved to Arizona, he’s tired of the cold weather.  He had the car running, I made mention of this, he said, his dog was in the car.  “Can I meet him?”  He opened the door, and Doc  came out,  the sweetest guy, he and I bonded immediately,  he kissed my face and my arm.  Mike, said, “he really likes you, he doesn’t kiss anyone.”  I didn’t say this out loud, {I’m not just anyone.}  Mike stayed with me for what seemed like 30 min.  I knew he wanted to go. So in my silence I told him it was ok for him to continue his travels. The reason I didn’t say it out loud was, it was for him to  decide not for me to decide for him.  He said, I’m going to go, are you going to be ok? Promise,  I said, I promise, I’m fine, truly. We hugged,  I hugged Doc. They were on the road once again.


Watch out for false prophets, make sure your heart is filled when ever someone offers you something,  when you follow your heart you’ll know your on the  ‘Yellow Brick Road’  .  .  .  Don’t trust the man behind the curtain.


I Love you my Mayan Majix family, and I thank you for your beautiful letters, Your appreciation for the message from Ian. 

We are so grateful. 


In Lak’ech


Ps.   This is a true story about a moth. There was a spider web in my bathroom, I hadn’t seen it until that very moment when I did,  taking a piece of tissue to wipe it,  a moth flew onto my arm.  I looked at him, his color was mint green,  I felt him say ‘thank you,’  I said, you’re welcome, then he flew onto the tip of my nose.  “I love you too.”  He flew away.  It felt like magic.



NEW UPDATE Updated 9/24/06

"Poverty is in separatism. Abundance is in unity."

-- Torkom Saraydarian



And though we choose to right or to left of us,  on the heights or in the


shallows;  though, in our struggle to break through the enchanted circle that


is drawn around all the acts of our life,  we do violence to the instinct that


           moves us and try our hardest to choose against the choice of destiny, yet


shall the woman we elect always have come to us; straight from the


unvarying star.”


This quote comes from  ‘A Weaver of Dreams’  written by Myrtle Reed

G,P. Putnam’s  Sons      New York and London

The Knickerbocker Press              1911


Wisdom from the ages, have you ever asked yourself what you’re listen to?

How you’re ingesting, and deciphering what is being said, or what you are hearing from the thoughts that are shifting through your mind.


“All ya need is love.”  Those words were sung by the Beatles, how many years ago?  I heard them,  loud and clear, yet, how long after until they entered into my being that they became my ‘mantra’,  my foundation.


When ‘Dark Energy’  is spoken or felt, where does that energy sit?

The  words that are spoken sit within the one who is speaking them.

When I feel love, live from love, everything in my body is in perfect harmony.  When fear shows up, my body reacts to that fear and causes dis~ease,  so, fear has been removed from my vocabulary, and my being~ness.

"Never let yesterday use up too much of today."
~ Will Rogers, American humorist, 1879-1935



Brilliant, years ago I heard another quote from Will Rogers,

“Buy land, they ain’t makin’ any more.”


The gift of joy

"Joy is prayer - Joy is strength - Joy is love - Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.
She gives most who gives with Joy."

n       Mother Teresa


9th September  ‘06

10 / Serpent


Fourty Five years ago today, my son Ray was born. 9  9  and with him being 4 5 = 9  . . .  nine, the beginning of all things. He’s one amazing person. The love he shares, the passion in which he moves through life.

Aah, the mystery continues.


Create happiness right now

"It is our basic right to be a happy person, happy family, and eventually a happy world. That should be our goal."

-- Dalai Lama

Little adjustments to our attitude and approach each day can create a major difference in our appreciation of life. On the surface, nothing changes. At the same time, absolutely everything does.

Use your awareness or your imagination to bring happiness to this moment. Find something to appreciate. Do this as often as you remember to do so, and your world will transform.

" ... we can no longer afford to throw away even one ‘unimportant’ day by not noticing the wonder of it all. We have to be willing to discover and then appreciate the authentic moments of happiness available to all of us every day."

n       Sarah Ban Breathnach




11/ Transformer


6:30 am.  Sun rising over the mountain range, the dew hovering on top of the tall grass as the sun to kissing the earth with it’s warmth, viewing the moisture being lifted to the heavens, the spectacular movements of all that is being presented.  There are areas of this tall grass that has a white sheen, at a quick glance it looks like snow. There’s so much magic here, the energy from all the critters, the rocks, all have their own life, a baby grass hopper sat so still I wasn’t sure if it were alive, picking him up, looking into his enormous black eyes, he sat in the palm of my hand for about 3 or 4 seconds. When he hopped down, he turned towards me, as if saying, thank you, and have a wonderful day.


Walking past a bush with it’s branches hanging into the walk way, seeing one dew drop resting there, waiting for the perfect moment to cascade to the ground.


The late spring flowers were covering other areas of this magical forest.

The big white trumpets, little orange ones, beautiful blue morning sunshine.

Yellow sunflowers.  This truly is ‘Ever Ever Land.’ 

Two Herons took flight at the same time in opposite directions. Frogs were

jumping into the stream from their hiding place when they heard us come walking by.


"The world is not to be put in order; the world is order, incarnate. It is for us to harmonize with this order."

-- Henry Miller


When I look into my life, and at times wondering, or being in question about all of it, there are so many answers, yet, when I look deeper, I know there isn’t  ‘an’  answer.

I’ve witnessed others that look outside themselves for answers, they go to ‘readers’, ‘healers’, not that anything is better than anything else, what I see for myself at this time is knowing there’s  ‘no~thing’ outside myself that knows more about me, than me. 

What did Henry Miller say,  “the world IS order.”  I believe that the human  ‘ego’ believes  we know better than Mother Earth.  How long have we been here?

How long has Earth evolved?  16.4 Billion years? It’s all so wild, the evolution, these times we’ve chosen {as our birth right} to be here, this truly is the most exciting times, each day brings a new adventure, each day is about newness, leaving the past in the past. In the event each of us had amnesia, so that any memory of hurt, fear, pain from all the past drama, the sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, what if you could wake up each day, each new day with out all that baggage? 

WHAT IF?  Think about that,  it’s a huge    WHAT IF. . .

Years ago when my beloved momma was still here, I asked her what her life would look like if she gave up ‘worry’.  She thought about it for a few moments, her response was, “I can’t.”  I smiled at her, shrugged my shoulders, I told her, that she is the best worrier, and that I honored her for how she took that on. She couldn’t understand how or why I didn’t worry, I told her that was her job and I wouldn’t take it away for her.  {Momma’s been gone for 9 yrs.}

After she had left, and there was so much time to think, I recognized that in order to release something from the past, the space in which ‘that’ held the energy within, would need to be replaced, what works for me is to replace what ever has been removed with    ‘LOVE’    . . .   in the event the space hadn’t been replaced, it most likely would fill itself back with the same energy you wanted removed.  Does that make sense? Sure hope so. 

Ian’s Mayan Birthday was yesterday 24th Sept.  12/Sun,  a powerful day all around, I hear him speak to me, I feel him at times.  I’m still blown away by the depths of love I feel towards him, knowing this is the gift he gave me,  being in the event he would have stayed, I wouldn’t have experienced   ‘this’     I am      sooo     grateful.

I am aware of the changes, as you are aware of all the changes,  the talk about emotional swings, the inability to sleep, or sleeping more than usual, eating more, eating less, eating different, changing your eating habits,  head aches, body pains. Relationships changing,  jobs, moving to other parts of the country or the world,  not knowing what to do, or how to do it, forgetting more than ever,  concentration level has increased or diminished. 

There’s another avenue that I hadn’t read about, sex,

With this evolution that I’m personally feeling, the personal soul connection, my desire to be intimate has vanished.  The idea of another being inside of my body,   won’t happen, not now, I’m not taking this into another other arena, I’m talking about my now moment. It fascinates me, being making love was a huge part of my desires, so, for me to have these thoughts, and to share them, wow, yet, with my beloved women friends, and our openness about everything in our lives, talking about this subject, most of them are feeling the same, having a man to share a bed with now, the answer is unanimous, NO.  friends, YES, 

I’m personally blessed, I live with a man that is content, {at least he tells me he is}  sharing the space, being friends. Going to the movies, having a meal. Giving me massages, I AM BLESSED.



This will make you smile!!

A little girl walked to and from school daily. Though the weather that
morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to the elementary school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning. The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school and she herself feared that the electrical storm might harm her child. Following the roar of thunder, lightning, like a flaming sword, would cut through the sky. Full of concern, the mother quickly got into her car and drove along the route to her child's school. As she did so, she saw her little girl walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up and smile. Another and another were
to follow quickly and with each the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile. When the mother's car drew up beside the child she lowered the window and called to her, "What are you doing? Why do you keep stopping?" The child answered, "I am trying to look pretty. God keeps taking my picture." May God bless you today as you face the storms that come your way.



"If we don't forgive ourselves for our mistakes, and others for the wounds they have inflicted upon us, we end up crippled with guilt. And the soul cannot grow under a blanket of guilt, because guilt is isolating, while growth is a gradual process of reconnection to ourselves, to other people, and to a larger whole."

-- Joan Borysenko


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