Day
45
The
cows were out in the field this morning, so Spirit and I had to find
other paths to walk on, Margaret (she’s been living on this land for
52 years, she’s 82, and spry as a teen) she’s got white hair, clear
sparkling eyes, centered, and knows everything… she’s beautiful… on
Thursday s they have a TEA, I was invited, I accepted… there were
some 16 people who came, Margaret made a wonderful cake, everyone
sat around sharing what evers, then we went into the chapel for a
30 min, meditation… after wards, there were other’s that shared thought
that they wanted to express, to clear space, to connect with the group…
I
told them when I lived in Venice Ca. I went to Agape, the center for
conscious truth… there’s a song that I would sing that saved my life,
I want to sing this for you… I did… I release and I let go, I let
the Spirit run my life, and my heart is open wide, yes, I’m only here
for God, no more struggle, no more strife, with my faith I see the
light, I am here in the spirit, yes, I’m only here for God…
We
had a 4
o’clock
appointment with the vet, she loved him, checked him out, alls well…
I
invited Cory and children for pizza… we went back to the Lodge, put
Spirit in the room, telling him I would be right back, that we were
going for pizza, we walked into town, Cory said, Paul is meeting us,
that’s ok? Yes of course… Paul is Cory’s friend… good man… while we
were waiting for the pizza, Paul was talking about the park across
the street, and streams, the fishing, it’s beautiful, I hadn’t gone
over there, after we ate, Cory and the children walked back, I went
with Paul, he showed me the park, other surrounding things in the
area… almost everything is within walking distance… I really like
that part…
When
I got back to my ‘space’ I told Spirit we were going to take our walk
through the park… Cory was working, she has a young girl that stays
with her children…
There
showing a video tonight on the Tibetan Monks, I’ll report back as
soon as its over…
WOW…
the Shaman from all over the world gathered, some of them have never
left their village… they know that the time is NOW… that what we’re
here to do is raise the consciousness of Mother Earth… with out us,
there wouldn’t be a reason for anything earth has to offer… we’re
here to rebuild her, she knows this, the light workers knows this…
the Shaman really knows this… they know its our time… “Mother Earth
needs us, she needs us all”
Day
46 12/jaguar
It’s
a white day ~ Support and Comfort for me, yet what I’m feeling is
far from support and comfort… this too shall pass… it always does,
as long as I stay true/clear with myself…
Jeannie
handed me my room invoice, $120… I worked 11 hrs…at $10. per…
Good
deal…
It’s
Sunday, I’ve gathered people who wanted to hear Ian’s presentation,
and missed him, so the tape came out good, we’ll show it, and hopefully
I will get donations enough to pay the $50. for the room…
There’s
so much energy around me that I don’t know what to do with, or how
to be with it… I know when the time is right, I will be given the
directions… there are those moments when I feel lost, not knowing
where to turn, how to BE with it, and I truly know it’s all what I’m
to be doing with the energy, just BE … and ALLOW … so there it is
in a nut shell…
Ten
people came, it worked out well, I did more gardening in exchange
for the cost of the room… that worked well…
Day
47
Sleep…
couldn’t find a comfortable spot within to rest… my mind was working
over time… the swirling was running faster and faster… these are some
of the thoughts that went through… “Where do I want to be? What do
I want to do? Where will I be to be the most comfortable? Who do I
want in my life? Who am I getting support from?”
Right
now where I want to be is at 100 Mile House, Spirit and I are comfortable,
and we feel the support from these wonderful people… we’ll see, everything
in my life has been changing with the speed of light… breathing it
all in… feeling the emotions change… wow, what else?
From
my perspective, there’s two modes of awareness while being in relationship
with everything outside of myself. One is, absents makes the heart
grow fonder, the other is, out of sight, out of mind…
The
question is… am I looking for someone to fill my heart? When I do,
that’s when I fall, and fall hard… so it’s always up to me to keep
my beloved, (god) with me at all times… and (god) is not outside of
me… it is the co-creation that I’m being with…
Right
now, I want to stay here, where ever the ‘here’ will end up being…
how will I get my ‘stuff’ out of the states? This too will come to
me as a need to know…
Questions
and more questions, few answers…
I’ll
be leaving 100 Mile House on the 13th, I mentioned earlier
about Larry and Vickie, and the land they have, well I’ll see how
that feels… right now, I’m thriving, Spirit loves it here, he’s getting
it, getting there’s one place, and it might be that we’ll be here
another day, and maybe not… he’s getting used to the flow…
Day
48
Jeannie,
(the young women that manages the Lodge) told me that Patricia was
looking for me, (Patricia came to hear Ian, and wanted to have more
information) How do I find her? A question I asked myself, well, I
decided to take a walk, I asked Katrina if she wanted to walk with
me, so the 3 of us set out for a walkabout into town… while there,
and crossing the street, Patricia was right there… she said, “I saw
Spirit and knew you would be here…” she wanted conformation about
the future, the picture that Ian had painted… sharing with her that
the future holds more magic then we can imagine, what it would be
like is someone from 50 years ago, talking about the year 2000, they
could talk about it, surmise what they ‘think’ will occur, yet, until
that ‘now’ time enters, it’s all up for grabs…
Patricia
is a beautiful tall women, about the age of my sister… she has long
salt and pepper thick hair, and so very shy, she’s lived alone most
all of her life, and on the land, or in the bush as she calls it…
The
next day she came by, asking if I wanted to take a walk, she said
there’s beautiful pastures across the street, and a stream where Spirit
can enjoy the cool water… we’re walking through the fields, the wild
flowers make up the most spectacular bouquet, then there’s the wild
strawberry’s, they’re really small, one needs to be aware of them
other wise you would walk right by and not see them… lucky us, we
saw them, and we stopped to eat some… wow, they are sweet, as if they
were injected with sugar… amazing…
As
we were crossing over into another pasture, the teen aged colts were
sowing their oats… Patricia knew the personality of the one that was
totally honoree, he was the biggest of the lot, when he spotted Spirit,
he approached with his head down, Spirit being the playful, happy
guy, he wanted to find out what’s up with this guy, well, Patricia
told me to keep Spirit away, that this guy is mean, I steered Spirit
toward an open gate, the horse followed, he started bucking, then
the others joined in, so this gang of 8 or 10 large colts were headed
out way, I started to giggle, I don’t know why, it’s what was there,
I didn’t feel nervous, or frightened, it was just there… any way,
Patricia had an umbrella she opened it, and held it toward them, they
backed off… that was clever… good job…
She
was concerned that this adventure she was taking on us was a disaster…
I said, "Please, this is great, it would have been boring if
we had walked through the field and this didn’t happen, yes it would
have been really nice, but this makes for a better story, much more
exciting, I’m having a great time, and so is Spirit…”
We
came across the area where the stream was running, I told Spirit if
he wanted to get water he would have to go down the embankment, he
did, when he tried to come back up, he couldn’t find a toe hold, Patricia
grabbed his collar, I grabbed him under his legs, together we were
able to pull him up, the look on his face was one of fear, he didn’t
like that at all…
When
I think about all the years I lived in a big city surrounded by the
“concrete jungle.” I remember the day I knew I couldn’t live like
that, driving down Olympic Blvd. in L.A. bumper to bumper… three months
later I was living in Ojai Ca… what an amazing journey, taking me
from point A to the next point so I could find this peace of mind
that I’ve got today… blessings to all my guides for it all…
It’s
been days since I’ve written, my last entry was day 48, and today
is the 17th July, Day 54…
It’s
not that things didn’t happen, or there wasn’t anything to write about,
my emotional body has been whacked, I’ve been on overwhelm to the
degree where I couldn’t get out of my own way…
Ever
since the 6th of June, (going into the midnight of the 3rd
night) my emotional body has taken on a life of its own…
I’ll
do my best to fill in the blanks… On the 5th July Ian left
for Vancouver, there were talks
set up for the next 6 or 7 nights… I stayed at 100 Mile House, staying
there until the 13th… Vicki is picking me up, it’s a 4
hour drive, one way, we had a beautiful connection, we had lots to
share, it was like being with an old friend, where there’s so much
to say just to catch up… Ian and I will meet at Larry and Vicki’s
house, it will be nice to see him… it’s been a while…
The
cabin is rustic, they got it cleaned and organized for us, the toilet,
tub/shower is outside in its own little cabin… good job guys…
They
have 3 dogs, many cats, 6 new born kittens, sheep, lama’s a 2 week
old lama, sooo cute…
They’ve
got their garden growing down the hill, down the hill means about
a 8 minute walk… we picked a bucket of pea’s, eat some, put some
in the bucket, good deal… the water is trucked in, Larry came down
with a 100 gal. container, they live in a yurt… it’s really cool,
well done, they have everything the need, they don’t have power, they
use propane for their stove and lights… works just great…
We
sat around shucking pea’s, sharing tales, laughing, enjoying one another…
we had a great meal, accept for the rice, everything came from the
garden… live food, my body screams for joy… what a gift…
We
heard from Ian, he was traveling, not knowing how long it would take
for him to arrive…
It
was close to 10, it started getting dark, I said I was going up to
the cabin, and I would see them in the morning, “thank you for everything,
thank you.” Amazing people I get to meet along this journey… they
will be in my heart forever…
About
15 min. after I arrived at the cabin, Vicki and Larry showed up, Ian
had phoned, he was about 20 min, away, Larry said, he would meet him
down the hill, in the dark there’s no way he would find the drive
way up to the house…
It
was a warm reunion, Larry and Vicki stayed for a while when Ian came
we saved him a beer, he was grateful, when they left, and in the conversation
about staying in the cabin, we knew this was too remote, we need to
be some where close to everywhere… where that will be is to remain
to be seen…
Ian
shared with me the excitement of the people who came to the talk in
Vancouver, that Toni is doing a great job promoting, everything that
Ian has wanted to happen is happening… yeah Ian, go team go…
The
next day we were headed for Salmon Arm… I hadn’t ever heard of this
place, we were invited to stay with William and Helen…
Spirit
Quest Book Store is owned by Maggie, she’s the one who found Ian’s
info, and passed it on to William and he in return passed it onto
Wayne, Thyson… we drove into town, finding Spirit Quest, then calling
William, he came into town to guide us to his home… this is good,
we wouldn’t have found it…
William
and Helen are beautiful people, they opened their home and their hearts
to us… we spent two nights there, had 72 people that came to the talk,
lots of great energy flowing through the room… after everyone left
the hotel, we went back to William and Helen’s, Tyson, Wayne, and
a few others came back to their home… they prepared a beautiful meal…
we were hungry, even though it was after 10, every one enjoyed what
was being served, and consumed…
The
next day, we had a talk in Vernon, and we decided to pack our things
from Larry and Vickie’s, go to the talk, then back to Salmon Arm to
spend the night, then we would be going back to 100 Mile House, I
will stay there, Ian will fly to Ft. St. John to pick up the motor
home…
Some
18 years ago, when I moved into my home on the Venice Canals in California,
I sat on the couch, over looking the canal, resting my eyes, behind
my eyes the vision that was shown to me was, an American Indian, tall,
beautiful, long shinny hair, wearing a lone cloth, feet apart, fists
on his hips glaring into the world… that image has been with me ever
since…
The
night of the talk in Salmon Arm, this beautiful man walked in, our
eyes met, my heart skipped a beat… I had Spirit with me, we were sitting
in the back of the room, ‘he’ came over to connect with Spirit, I
can’t remember what was said between us, if anything, when he was
leaving for the evening, we hugged, heart to heart… yeah…
When
we were back at the house, he called, (John) he said he wanted to
come over tomorrow, that he had some things he wanted to give us for
our safe travels… great, I get to see/feel his energy again… there
was such a familiar comfort from some other time, it was a beautiful
remembering…
There’s
no time to loose, everyone here is creating miracles, we’re watching
all of those who’ve come aboard this “consciousness train” move with
super sonic accuracy… while we were indulging our taste buds, someone
said, “make sure you have William take you in his garage to show you
what he’s been creating…
It’s
around midnight, everyone has gone,
the last of the meal/dishes are put away… all the thank yous and
hugs were done, its time to put myself to rest…
It’s
around 7
a.m.
I hear dishes, movement in the kitchen, I do my bathroom thing, you
know, brush teeth, wash face, cream face, clothes on, coffee waiting…
you know the routine.
Helen
was mixing Muslie with lots of berry’s and yogurt… coffee was coming,
she makes her coffee in a French coffee press, toast, cheese… I had
this wonderful feeling of belonging, I looked at Helen from many points
of view, I feel a strong heart connection, an ancient one, from many
life times that we’ve been with one another… she’s been mother, aunt,
sister, we’ve had many lives, much to share…
I
told Ian that Salmon Arm is the place for me, that 100 Mile is wonderful,
I love the people, yet, there’s more here, something on an emotional
level that is drawing me to be here…
There’s
an intuition that is being my guide, pushing me gently, none the less,
pushing me… I will return to 100 Mile House from time to time, because
I really love being with Lauranne, Cory, Thom, Wil… their beautiful
people… just because I’m not there, doesn’t mean they’re out of my
life… just like the family in the states, they’re not out of my life…
silly…
So,
I’m allowing everything to appear in it’s own time, whatever that
looks like, being my spirit world around time, and my human time seem
to not co-inside… I’m learning about this each time the ‘little I’
wants something to get done, and ‘they’ don’t give a shit what I want,
they know what’s best, I can see that more clearly then ever, yet
there are those times when the little me wants it, and wants it yesterday…
when that appears I know it’s some mechanism from the past that’s
pushing me back into my mind, it’s delusional, it’s out to get me,
there’s no support when my mind wants something that’s not for the
good of the whole…
Ian
and I were talking about people who commit suicide, it’s the mind
that wants to be right, there’s that mechanism again, it’s so powerful,
so elusive that it can talk you into anything it wants, as long as
you allow it to do just that… think about everything you’ve done where
at the end you’ve looked and said,… “what the hell did I just do?”
yes, you weren’t out of your mind, you were IN IT…. Your mind took
over, you didn’t even know that it did, you were hypnotized, mesmerized…
under the influence of… remember what Ian said about the mind
having a speed limit? Well, there you go… pretty much says it all…
Insert
thought: a few days ago I was looking through all of my writings,
looking at all the different hand written words… my writing has taken
on a life of its own… I’m just moving the pen around, the holder of
the pen, guiding it from one place to the next place… ok, so your
asking yourself, “what the hell is she talking about?”
I’m
writing in on of those huge spiral books, I’m more then ¾ of the way
complete with it, I can tell where my emotions are by the way my hand
writing is… right now, my handwriting looks sexy, if handwriting could
look sexy, mine does… what I’m feeling right now is comfort, contentment,
centeredness, wow this is really good…
There
are pages where my writing is scary, child like, worrisome, nowhere
near feeling centered, fearful, so out of touch with reality, not
on the ground, in it… so my writing is telling me loud and clear where
I am… I find this amazing… and because I/we use computers, it all
looks the same… RIGHT? Thought you would agree… thanks…
Then
there’s pages where I’ve written really big, putting fewer words on
the page, the feeling I put to that is, the feeling of loneliness,
I’m shouting for something, for company, for companionship, crying
to be touched, the big writing is having me stay on the ground, because
at that moment, it would be ok with me to leave, evacuate my body…
There’s
so much in the hand written word that won’t be told, my emotions run
so strong. I haven’t been any where long enough to receive snail
mail… I think about all of you beautiful people who are praying for
us, who are cheering us on, and for those who have supported us from
one pickle barrel to the next and the next… I want to be able to sit
with each of you, to hold hands, to look into each others eyes, to
send the love that I’ve felt, and continue to feel, to cry with you,
because I cry alone, like right now… these are the hardest times for
me, even though I’m with beautiful people, they really don’t know
me, we’ve been together for a few hours when you come to look at the
time…
I
know there will be that time when we will meet in the physical, I
know this… bless you, bless each and every one of you… to know that
you’re out there, that you think about me, that the prayers continue,
thank you, thank you, thank you…
When
the physical meets with the non-physical, their only entertainment
is watching us, they laugh all the time, being what we’re about is
on complaint after another… it’s to hot, to cold, I don’t have enough
money, I need a new set of clothes… they don’t care, they think its
all a joke… and when we get to the place where we know it’s all a
joke, that its all an illusion, then we too will be able to laugh
at EVERYTHING that comes our way… there are more and more glimpses
of it all… I’m grateful, really grateful…
To
remember that everything that comes our way is a gift, that to turn
‘the’ gift down, is slapping God in the face… that’s not the right
answer… the right answer is, yes, no matter what it looks like… even
when I flipped the truck, it was a ‘yes’… that’s what it was, no-thing
else… it’s all a blessing, you know that, I know that, when the entire
collective energy sits together, like at the elder’s counsel meetings,
then we’ll know we’ve arrived…
Ian’s
presentation in Salmon Arm was fantastic, there were more then 70
people… high energy… being I sit in the back of the room, I get an
entirely different perspective than Ian gets from the front of the
room, there were a few people who came over to me asking if he was
going to take a break, or if he were close to completion… this was
a three hour talk, there’s much to take in, so much that most people
I speak with can’t remember much of what they heard… they’re on over
whelm… well, the next day, while I was sharing with him about how
I felt he could shorten the ‘history’ part, what people want now
is what they can expect for themselves and their lives…
Lately
he’s had a hard time with what it is that I share, so most of the
time, I don’t say much when it comes to his life, it’s not worth the
emotions that I end up having/feeling…
This
is so strange… we had gotten into a heated discussion, what ever it
was dissolved once I was heard, when I remember that everything in
my life I look through a lens, in doing so, I can adjust the lens
so where/what I’m looking at is as clear as it can be… most of us
walk through life with they’re lens dirty, get out the shamata, (Jewish
word, meaning rag) and clean that lens… do it now! I find it so wild
that once I’m heard, what ever was going on vanishes… just like that…
what a blessing… it puts me though a new portal, within that portal
lies the new dimension that was waiting for me… more big wow’s…
MORE BIG BLESSINGS…
Day
50
was
the 13th, the day Ian and I reconnected,
Day
51
talk
in Salmon Arm
Day
52
Vernon… Ian did his new talk, this is the one everyone has
been waiting for… huge… half the people that were in Vernon had seen
Ian’s tape, or in person… so he sipped through the foundation, then
went right into it, this time, the 3 hours went by so quickly, being
everything was light, that heavy stuff wasn’t there to put people
to sleep…
Day
53
Driving
to 100 Mile House the roads were being worked on, they were rough,
about 40 miles outside of our destination, one of the road workers
flagged us, telling us we have a flat tire, (Oh my God, what more?)
Ian got out to look, he said it’s not flat, it does need air, how
far to a station? We drove slowly, we came to a station, he said he
didn’t have air, but there’s a tire shop ¼ mile down the road… no
problem… we pull in, the guy said, no problem, he put in the air,
it came right out, he said, you really need new tires, yes, and we
need to be somewhere in 40 min. so we’re handle the new tires later,
he said it would take 10 min. to patch the tire, great…
This
Goodyear tire store, it’s in the middle of no~where… near a place
called 70 Mile… everything is magic, especially when it’s recognized…
and acknowledged…
Now
were back to 100 Mile House, getting settled in, visiting with Thom
~ Lauranne, Cory, her children… Thom and Lauranne made dinner for
us, Ian was catching the Gray Hound for Ft. St. John the next morning
at 4:30
a.m.
Day
54
I
drove Ian to the bus, (which is 2 blocks away) came back and went
to sleep, when I got up the second time, it was after 7:30, I went
over to Cory’s for coffee… feels good to have a girl friend… that’s
been a huge missing on this journey… it’s not the same on the phone,
being with girl friends…
I
got very clear that Salmon Arm was where I wanted to be, there was
a prosperity energy, not that anyone complained at 100 Mile, it’s
a life style…
We
paid for 3 nights… this time I wasn’t going to work off the room,
and this time they charged $40. per night, and it wasn’t in the same
place… it’s so ok…
The
night that Ian was there, we were sitting in the living room chatting
about I don’t remember… a lady walked in, she introduced herself as
April, a frail women, yet her energy could fill a stadium… beautiful…
she sat for about an hour, listening to what we were sharing, what
the Maya were saying about our lives, our now time, our future… she
was festinated…
Day
55 18th July
I’m
sitting outside of the building I’m living in at this moment… recognizing
how strong my passion was when I spoke about living here (100 Mile
House) it is beautiful here, and until I experienced Salmon Arm, 100
Mile was ‘the place’… now that I’ve experienced Salmon Arm, that’s
the place… we’ll see… I don’t have to make any decisions… that’s the
good part…
The
children are playing on the jungle gym, running through the yard,
enjoying their day, doing what they’re meant to do…. Be in joy… there’s
wild berry’s growing all over the property, one could walk about and
fill with delightful tastes all day long…
Its
hot today, about 30c. finding a shady spot under a tree, the breeze
is comforting, like momma’s arms wrapped around me, feeling her love
and tenderness, this is good, being I’m feeling weepy, and lonely,
there’s a huge missing at this moment…
My
communication with Ian hasn’t been clear lately, there’s something
about how I’m speaking where I’m not getting my point across clear,
I know this by the way he responds to what I’m saying, so I’m looking
to see what’s missing, and what needs to be put into place so that
‘we’ wont get upset … the upset part is the most frustrating, disheartening,
I consider myself a master communicator, so when the response I get
isn’t in harmony with what I’m meaning, then there’s that place where
I step back, take a look at myself, ask “what do I need to put into
this equation of communication so that we are comfortable with the
outcome…
The
human part of me wants to blame Ian for not listening to what I’m
saying, then when I real it all back to ‘me’ knowing that when my
speaking is perfectly clear, and understood, then who would be there
to blame? No one, it’s all up to me…
Insert
thought: this is when I was living in Ojai California… my mom and
I lived 80 miles from one another, once a week I would go to Studio
City, (that’s where she lived) pick her up, go to lunch, take her
to the market, and go home… we didn’t have a wonderful relationship
at this time in our lives… anyway…
I
told her I would be there at noon, and 9 times out of 10, when I say
I’ll be some where, you can count on me being on time… mom knew this…
so when I showed up at 12:30,
I
knocked on the door, she opened the door with extreme force, the words
that followed were, “you’re late”… I cocked my head, I said, “you
were worried about me!” “yes I was.” There was softness in her voice
now… “because you love me.” “yes I do.” I stepped into the house,
we stood there in one another’s arm feeling love, feeling one another
in a way that hadn’t been before… I hadn’t thought about what I was
going to say when she opened the door, it was spontaneous, my intuition
took over… our relationship when for being cordial toward one another,
to friends that what to be with each other… we went out for lunch,
we held hands, I shared stories with her she hadn’t ever been told…
for the last 3 years of her life, we were connected, wow, how grateful…
what a blessing…
So,
to be a powerful communicator, one must LISTEN to what’s being said,
not so much as the speaking as the listening… if I had responded to
mom with, what’s wrong with you, there was so much traffic, I couldn’t
get here any faster, give me a break… wow, where would that have taken
us, farther and farther apart… and, where’s the adult in that one?
NOT…
What
I got was, what ever mom said, what I would hear is…. I LOVE YOU…
it didn’t matter what words came out, that’s what I would hear…
I’m
thrilled I reminded myself of that story, so I can listen to Ian from
that place of love, that place that I know is there, always… it’s
me… I need to be present to the moment of love, not the moment of
what I think (mind chatter) I want…
Anyway
back to the lake…
Cory
drove me to “Greeny Lake” it’s a 30 min. drive, the lake is beautiful,
it’s not a wide lake, maybe 200 ft across… it’s Saturday, so there’s
many families camping… there’s no hook ups, so your on your own… Spirit
loves the water, he just goes in, walks about, bits the water, then
when he gets his fill, he wonders about, exploring the rocks, trees,
grass… he takes it all in… what a delightful companion… wow… more
blessings…
The
other day it dawned on me that while Ian is off doing what he does,
that he’s not a part of my journey, he doesn’t call every day, so
I don’t know what he’s doing… (no complaint) just filling you in on
thoughts… so I made a request that he call each day, so that when
I write I can include him… he said he would…
So,
Ian’s on the bus to Ft. St. John, he’s to arrive
at 5:30, then he said he
would drive toward Prince George…
This
was one of those emotional days, so grateful that it’s come to a close,
9:30, I put myself to
bed… I fell asleep hard, I know this because when the phone rang,
I didn’t remember where I was, and I didn’t know what time it was,
when I answered, the voice asked for Ian, sorry, not with me, he said
that Ian had called a few moments ago, and he missed the call, he
thought he had the cell with him, he said he was sorry to wake me,
that he would call the other number… well, that’s all I know for now
about where Ian is…
Addictions…
that word just popped in… what am I addicted to?
Some
times I feel I’m addicted to being right… mostly not, yet it does
appear, then when I notice it, I will let it go… the mind is a ‘trickster’…
it will lead you down a path, then tell you you’re on your own… ‘now
what?’
Thinking
about people who commit suicide… they’ve allowed their mind to have
so much power over them, that they can’t see any other way out… I
find that fascinating… it’s an powerful tool… I think someone auta-make
a
“Mind Box”
no
different then a plumber having his tool box… when we need it, like
a wrench, we’ll have it handy… I like it… ok someone, go for it…
Day
56
Ian
called, he’s in Prince George… Dumbo got a flat
tire… (it doesn’t stop) he can’t do anything because it’s Sunday,
and nothing is open… so he’ll get a new one tomorrow… then he will
be back on the road, it’s good that he doesn’t have the jeep to tow,
that way the new motor will be broken in by the time he arrives at
100 Mile…
I’m
so unsettled, I have one foot in this world and one in the other,
make up my mind will you!...
Coffee,
Tim Horton’s … up the street from the Lodge, isn’t that cool…
I
was waiting for Ian to call, to tell me what time he would arrive…
he finally called at 5:30… “I’m not coming
today.” I got that. Being it’s 5:30, I wish you would have called earlier so I would
know whats going on… I’m sorry, he said… boy do I want to make him
wrong… I wanted to blast him, I wanted to put my fingers around his
neck and not let go… and I could see how my mind wanted to take control
and do all these things, I wasn’t going there…
He
said he would leave first thing in the morning and get here by noon,
ok, good, and Ian, in the event your plans change, PLEASE call me
to let me know… he said, he wasn’t going to change his plans, and
if he did, he would call… thank you, that’s all I want is for us to
stay in communication so I know what’s happening here…
Day
57
I
woke up with the “knowing” that I’ve been a thorn in Ian’s side, and
it’s time for that thorn to be removed… I’m not upset about this,
it actually feels good to have this clarity…
I
went over to Cory’s for coffee, we went outside, we’ve been having
our coffee on the picnic bench outside of her house… I told her about
being a thorn in Ian’s side, she said, “do you think you’re making
this up?” “yes, and it’s THE truth.”
Well
the morning was moving on, Cory had some work to do around the grounds,
I did some clean up with her, just chatting… enjoying her being it’s
my last little bit with her…
Ian
came around 1… he talked with Cory for a few minutes, then he asked
if I were hungry, I said no, but I would sit with him while he ate…
we walked across the street, I released all my frustration, so I could
be with him from a loving place… I could tell something shifted from
him also…
I
told him about being a thorn in his side, that this clarity came this
morning, he tilted his head, he didn’t answer… I said, “Ian, let’s
be dirt honest with one another, this isn’t the time for anything
less.” He said, “you’re right, I had a different take on it, I didn’t
call it a thorn, yet, it’s the same.” He knew he wanted/needed to
get on with what he wants alone… there’s been way to many situations
that have occurred in these past 3 + years that’s caused such a riff
that while he continues to have the past remain in his present state
of awareness, then there’s no room for me… and I’m ok with that, I
came into his life for him to find “this” he’s found it, my job is
complete… I’ve been his Muse, this is what God wants for me, this
is what I’ve been doing my entire life, I will be of service always…
There
was a completion, a clear connection in this communication… we thanked
one another for the listening… my reality is, there’s only one energy,
and that is LOVE… there are so many other energies that will show
up, all those others sit on the foundation of LOVE… so, when Ian and
I were able to listen, with out judgment, then all the “other” stuff
that had been sitting on top had been removed… yeah…
This
doesn’t mean we’re staying together… it doesn’t… it means that we’re
supporting one another for a distance… and about the future? Who the
hell knows… when you see the future… you don’t have one… so I’m not
interested in seeing the future…
We
talked about keeping our communication squeaky clean… we agreed upon
that…
Up
till now, my thoughts about going back to the states were, I won’t
do that… when I looked at “why”… fear showed up… that’s totally gone,
the fear part… man, when I get clear it sets me free… and this conversation
with Ian set me free… yeah…
It’s
daughter Jo-e’s Birthday on the 6th Aug… I will be leaving
for the states on, or around the 1st Aug…
I
feel really good about this…
We
have the Jeep, yet, what I’m manifesting is a van, something larger
so that Spirit and I can sleep in it… I don’t want to spend money
on rooms for the night… it will show up…
Day
58
We’re
leaving 100 Mile, driving toward Salmon Arm, there’s a storm brewing,
the clouds are getting darker, the crackling of thunder, lighting
filling the sky… I love this… then farther south we get, the clearer
the sky is becoming, I said, “rainbow please, show me a rainbow.”
Within moments, the most intense rainbow appeared… that’s all I could
say was… “thank you.”
We’ve
parked the M/H in Tyhson’sThyson’s
back yard over looking his garden… the flowers are all in bloom, everything
is happy…
Wayne is going to the lake, and asked us to join him…
Wow,
sitting on the deck of this cabin, over looking Lake Shuswap… the beach is called
Canoe… Spirit found the water, and is walking amongst the rocks, checking
out every stone, each little pile of what ever he spots… he really
knows how to BE… I’m learning, really I am…
TyhsonThyson
asked me where I wanted to sleep, I told him Spirit and I would sleep
in the M/H… and by the way, she had a new name, now that she has a
new motor, she’s purring… her new name is Samantha… (from Bewitched)
it fits her, she likes it, she’s carrying her new name proudly…
This
feels more right than any other place… it might be because I’m feeling
comfortable with me, more than any other time since we left Sedona…
it’s been a huge lesson, continues, with out let up… I’m breathing
here, I fit in here…
So
we have TyhsonThyson, Wayne, Fred…
it’s Tyhson’sThyson’s home, Wayne
has been here since May, Fred has been here for about 6 weeks…
They’ve
all done their work, the consciousness is really high… it’s a huge/big/gigantic
WOW…
Day
59
The
words THANK YOU doesn’t really express my gratitude to everyone who’s
written me, my e mail box is filled with love, and I thank you for
that, I feel connected when I read your mail…
Keep
them cards and letters comin in…
Ian’s
leaving tomorrow the 23rd. there are talks set up almost
each night in Vancouver, this is sooo good…
he’s getting what he asked for… bigger audiences, and media coverage…
This
is good, having him leave, and me staying here, finding my own footing,
a place where I feel content, being I can’t get away from me, no
where to run, no where to hide… I’m always there… I have all these
things that occur, the thoughts, then I put them into categories,
then they get labels, neat piles, then sit back a watch the show…
there’s one common denominator, ME… I’m the writer, director, producer,
actor, and audience… I get to choose what I do with it all… I get
to choose which character I’ll be playing at any given moment…
Well,
I’m thinking about being in the states, and seeing my family, it seems
like forever ago that we’ve seen one another… they came to Sedona
in November for thanksgiving, and my birthday, that was a great week…amazing…
Day
60
Man,
the changes appear in my consciousness so fast, by the time one thought
comes in, its antiquated, and the new one takes over, then that one’s
antiquated, it’s wild… there are so many thoughts going on all at
the same time, so while I’m writing feeling all this energy, things
might sound all jumbled… sorry…
Ian,
Spirit and I went for a walk, we talked about our desires, Ian’s desire
is to continue this adventure alone… at first when I knew this, my
little girl was screaming… “no, don’t leave me, don’t leave me out,
I want to go…” all that is from my childhood, being the youngest of
three, I wasn’t allowed to go where my brother went, or my sister,
so I would stay at home knowing they were having a great time, while
I was doing nothing… so my imprint was, “don’t leave with out me,
don’t leave me, include me.” I’ve looked at that for years, and until
it came to my conscious mind, I had no means in which to alter that
history, and it kept me imprisoned… a situation happened a few years
ago that freed me from those chains… so, now, when Ian said he wanted
to move forward with out me, I’m so ok with it, this is my choice
as well, I’ve done what I came to do, I told Ian that I am his Muse
and when the job is complete I’d be gone…
This
is some what different in that we know were not out of one another’s
lives, it’s just time to change direction…
There’s
things in my life that need completion, so I’ll be headed back to
the states to complete what’s left to do… then I’ll be coming back
to
Salmon
Arm… I truly love it here…
There
was a conversation that Ian and I started when we were in Sedona,
that was to get to the young ones, the pre-teens and the young teens,
showing them their purpose… with the Maya, they knew from birth what/why
they came, why they were here, the children of today don’t have a
clue… go talk to them, ask them, why are you here, why did you choose
to come here this time… yes… there are a few who know, the Crystal
Children, the Indigo Children, they know why they’re here, yet the
rest of them, no clue… this is one of the reasons they turn to drugs,
they can’t find a clear path, they don’t have anyone to show them
a clear path, so the best they can do is get out of their minds by
the only escape they can come to… DRUGS… and they’ll tell you it’s
not a problem… and in their reality, it isn’t… it’s their families
that are having the problem… mom and dad don’t have a clue, they don’t
know how to communicate with them, so they don’t talk at all… its
wild, and it’s getting wilder… so for any one out there that wishes
to come aboard, gather they youths, find a place for them to come,
to live for a month or what ever, a place to give them a grounded,
a zero point, an understanding to answer the question…
“What
is my purpose?”
please
contact me…. matty@mayanmajix.com
in the subject: write. Youths… when I see email that I don’t recognize,
I won’t open it… so that’s our key word…. Thanks… where I want to
start this would be in Salmon Arm… I will be leaving on the 1st
Aug… returning in a month or so… and it would take some time to organize
this project… also, not to limit it to any age group, that is just
a jumping off point… right? Good…
Moving
along: we were directed to go see Margaret Falls, we drove, and drove
some more, “turn at the co-op” we forgot to ask what the co-op was,
we stopped to ask someone where the falls were, the told us to keep
driving… as it turns out the co-op is a service station… (reminding
myself to ask more questions)
THE
BIGGEST WOW… the forest is thick with ancient tress, huge, 80 maybe
100 feet tall, the life force is ever present… walking on the path
, taking in everything I could with the limited ‘human’ senses, doing
my best to stay present with each moment, each breath, pointing out
what I’m seeing, Ian pointing out other sights, oh my god… for any
one not to belief in god, I just can’t get that… it’s beyond what
the small human can do… there must be something greater…
We
continued to walk, ooo and aaa then we hear the falls, around the
next corner… wow, looking at the power of these falls, the majestic
beauty, the clearness of the water, crystal clear… as we’re standing
there, Ian said, “look, there’s a cave.” I wonder how big it is, how
many people could fit in there, it must have been a sacred place for
ceremony, just then a young couple walked up, I made mention of the
cave, he said, “I’ve been in there.” I asked how big it is, he said
it’s big enough for 4 people… then he pointed to a flat spot about
a third of the way up, he said, that’s a great swimming hole, getting
up there is the trick… I couldn’t see anywhere one could get a foot
hold… and besides, there are signs posted all over about ‘staying
on the path’… I’m here to follow directions, for now anyway…
This
was the first time we’ve gone anywhere with out Spirit… he stayed
home with the guys… he’s very respected, and he in turn shows respect
back… he’s amazing… because of him, I feel totally comfortable driving
back to the states… I don’t know how comfortable I would feel going
totally alone…
We
went out for dinner, wow, just having those precious moments… those
are the ones that I cherish and remember… I’m grateful…
We
had a lot to share, about how we’re handling the changes we’re implementing…
we’re going through all of this with ‘grace and ease’… yeah for us…
we know that we’re able to do this because we continue to keep the
communication clean… that is the key… say what you need to say, and
listen to what there is to hear, make sure that the two people involved
sets up guide lines for the communication to be heard… in the event
the two can’t handle it alone, then call in a 3rd party…
I’ve been the 3rd party for many… its amazing how powerful
that works…
Anyway,
dinner was really good, we shared a fish platter… enjoyed every bit…
good on us…
Day
61
There’s
an energy field that’s presenting itself in a way that I hadn’t ever
been aware of at any other time, it’s new and exciting, there’s some
residual fear from some other time, some other space… I’m responding
to it appropriately, what that looks like is, I’m not giving it any
power, in the past I would have given it all the power, I didn’t know
any better… now that I know who’s running this show, I have the last
word… man that’s great…
Knowing
that my mind wants to keep me small, I’ve chosen to grow beyond that…
it would be like growing out of a pair of shoes, yet continually
wearing them… that hurts, I rather go bear foot, then to wear shoes
that were too small… we are a strange breed…
My
life gears are rotating on different axes… all the mechanisms are
greased and ready to go, all the labor that had been put into getting
this puppy ready is coming to an end, everyone who had been a part
of her planning, her care, love, the support, all of it, it’s time
for her to make her debut… that would be ME… it’s my coming out party…
I’ve waited my entire life for this moment… the lights are dimming,
the curtain has risen, the audience is waiting, this is the magical
moment…
Day
62
Ian’s
leaving for Vancouver today, he has talks
scheduled each night until the 29th, he’ll return on the
31st, then on the 1st Aug. I’ll be on my way
to THE STATES… there’s so much jammed into a day, and yet, when
I sit and look at the big picture, which is my life, it takes on a
uniqueness that doesn’t have words, it’s in the ‘beingness’ that sits
with me, not in front, or in back, WITH ME… on my lap
Tyhson
does “Clearings” with people, finding the core of what lies on someone’s
path so it becomes a road block. He offered Ian a session, there’s
energy that has been blocking his soul field, it’s from many life
time ago… finding the core, then bringing the presence of now time
into the equation creates a clearing so what had been there to stop
the energy no long exists… very cool… the clearing also gets deep
within, finding anything that might be a stop, including health issues…
parents, relationships, money, comfort… all of it… it’s wonderful…
Ian
finished writing the 3rd Night News… I just read it, he
is brilliant, he’s the “word smith”… the man knows how to put them
together… wow, big wow…
Me,
I write the way I talk, so if we were sitting and having a cup of
coffee, and we were talking, this is how I talk…
And
I haven’t gone back to correct anything, so, when words are spelled
incorrectly, or sentences come out looking strange, so be it… I don’t
care… I’ve spoken about that before, about being a creative speller…
I
know I keep telling you how much I love it here (Salmon Arm) I do,
I feel sooo good, especially with these beautiful men that I get to
see each day, I get hugs, I get acknowledgement, I get LOVE… isn’t
that what it’s all about? For me it is… with out the love, nothing
is worth anything… is all empty and meaningless… even our lives, we’re
the ones who put meaning to everything we do… who else is in there?
NO~BODY…
Well,
now what? No~thing… one moment at a time, one breath at a time… one
thought at a time… on the grand scale SO WHAT…
Day
63
Great
day, I hadn’t felt this peaceful in a very long while…
I
answered e mails, feeling content with my contentment (does that make
sense?)
Ian
called from Vancouver, Tyhson answered
the phone, they chatted for a few moments, then Tyhson asked Ian if
he wanted to speak with me, he did…
My
heart filled, when he left yesterday, I didn’t think he would call,
I didn’t think I would hear from him until he returned… he didn’t
say he would call, he didn’t say he wouldn’t… there have been times
in the past when he would leave for four/five days and I wouldn’t
hear from him, so, because of how we’ve been being with one another,
it was a pleasant surprise… a wonderful surprise… grateful… truly…
I was thrilled…
He
was getting ready for the talk that night, he was feeling really good
about being there, he was staying at Sarah’s. when we got to Tyhson’s
Sarah was here, so I got to meet her, what an angle… last time Ian
went to Vancouver he stayed with her, so they’ve created a friendship
from that time… she and Tyhson are a new couple… they are powerful…
I like that… don’t mess with a good thing…
I
had asked Tyhson to do a clearing with me, he said he would… so this
afternoon we sat, he did the clearing, and while he was doing it,
showing me how the process works so that I can take it to the states…
he was blown away by how clear I am… he said he’s worked with hundreds
of people and has never seen any one as clear as me… well, let me
tell you how great that felt… really great… most of his clearings
last two hours or more, mine… 45 min… want to get clear… contact
Tyhson: Tyhson@sunwave.net
he can do this over the phone… just do it… it wonderful…
After
the clearing, Tyhson wanted to pick up a table for Ashala’s, he asked
if I wanted to go, of course… the three of us piled into the car,
Spirit doesn’t care what, he just wants to be included…
I
met Barb, her partner Jeff, at Ian’s talk there was an instant connection
with Barb, one of those sister connections, you know what I’m talking
about… Ashala was at the talk, I didn’t connect with her there, then
we went to the cabin for a party, Ashala, Barb, and Jeff were there,
so there was more of an opportunity to talk, she asked me to come
see her place, describing the 60 acres, I think, or 80 doesn’t really
matter, any way, Ashala lives on the property, so off we go, Barb
was home, she gave Spirit and I a tour of the land, she knows every
tree by name, ever plant, they have berry’s and more berry’s, every
known berry, they have them… apples, cherry’s, you name it, it’s growing
on their property… they’ve taken this baron land and turned it into
a magical garden, they have chickens, pigs, Spirit loved the pigs,
they went nose to nose, they pigs were cool with him, and he with
them, then they started to run, Spirit loved that, they were inside
their pen, running back and forth… they were having a great time…
We
went to the market, the one we stopped at was a veggie/fruit market,
huge, wow, this is the cleanest food I’ve seen since I’ve been in
Canada… we picked up, fruit and veggies, I wanted it all… more eye
candy…
I
designated myself as chief cook… they love it… and so do I…
I
have my steamer, have steamer will travel… it’s an amazing steamer…
I can do 3 or 4 lbs of veggies in it at one time… the trick is to
get them all done so they hold their crispness… I’ve experimented
enough to know how to do that… one would think so after some 20 years
with the thing…
Day
64
Tyhson
had been talking about “The Park”, telling me I must go to the park,
to walk through there, ok, where is it… it’s four blocks from here,
Tyhson said he wanted to walk with us, so we drove over… OK!... in
the middle of housing, here is this park, trees reaching to the sky,
some as tall as 60 ft… the paths are cleared, the energy is sublime…
it took about 30, 35 min. to walk through, Spirit had a blast, he
loves to run, and I love watching him run, I just love him, I love
watching him sleep… he’s sooo beautiful… I feel so blessed that we
found one another… more magic at work here…
Ian’s
first talk in Vancouver was great, he said there were some 52 people,
they were jazzed… there was a women who is setting up a meeting with
him, she’s connected with the media, man oh man, this is all comin
together, just the way we talked about for the past 3 years… he just
doesn’t get that no matter what, my energy will always be there, it’s
been there for the past years, it will remain, doesn’t matter that
my physical presence isn’t with him, I’m there… none of this would
be happening if we hadn’t been with one another… I’m grateful for
the opportunity to have experienced this as far as we’ve taken it…
I’m complete… it’s time for me to do me… I’m excited…
When
he called, he called from his new cell phone… yeah… he’s happy, when
he’s happy, I’m happy for him… he’s getting ready for his talk, he’ll
call tomorrow to let me know how it goes… again… yeah…
Day
65
I’ve
been having peaceful sleeps, yet I haven’t been remembering my dreams…
oh well…
It
seems I’m the first one up, so, coffee gets made, I get into the bathroom
first, shower, you know, the morning stuff… today I decided I wanted
egg salad for breakfast… so I put 8 eggs in… cut up an onion… coffee
is done, aah, that first sip… it’s the best… I drink my coffee with
Irish Cream, from International Delight… it’s the best… I drink coffee
just for the Irish Cream… they guys are getting up, one by one, “whatsyamakin?”
“egg salad” Fred said, “for breakfast?” well, yes, it is eggs… Tyhson
walks in, egg salad for breakfast… ok… now its on the table… we’re
eating, Wayne walks in, checks out whats on the table, cuts a couple
pieces of bread, pops them in the toaster, gets his cup of coffee,
toast is up, sits down, spreads egg salad on his toast… egg salad
for breakfast, never had egg salad for breakfast…
I
guess it’s either my thing or something from the states, don’t know,
let me know wouldda? Thanks… my egg salad is fantastic… simple…
mayo, honey mustard, onion, salt… simple, tasty…
So,
while we were eating, they told me they took a vote, and that I can’t
leave… I cried… to feel wanted to feel our collective energy, this
ease… I asked Tyhson if it were ok with him that when I returned I
could come back to his house until I found my place, he didn’t miss
a beat, the answer was Yes…
Well
my friends… I don’t know about writing any more… I’ll be on the road,
then I’ll be with my children…
My
book is filled, I’ve turned it over and started writing on the other
side…
I’ve
enjoyed sharing with you… I hope you’ve enjoyed my journey as much
as I have…
If
any one wanted to take my writing and put it between covers, by all
means be my guest… just send me a copy…
I
love you… I honor you… after all this journey was for all of us… I
pray for us to meet in real time soon…
By
for now…many Blessings as we walk with the light…
Matty
~ Ian ~ Spirit
