3rd December ‘05
Ian’s remains came to me today… holding this ‘box’ in my arms, saying
to Ian,
“I’m holding you close
my brother, I love you.”
This entire adventure is so surreal, there are moments when nothing
feels real, … I was looking through Ian writings, I don’t know
when he wrote this, no date… here goes;
“Naturally”, I have no idea
who might be reading this?
Intuitively I know who you are
In search of some thesis
Why do you linger here?
You are searching for some insight
Understanding to quell the rising fears.
Even though the truth may bite
Even through the gut wrenched tears
You’ve quested after lighted truth
The messages we’ve all so longed to hear
Welcome to a fount of bubbling, sparkling truth
But realize there is a price to pay
For delivery of such salving, soothing sooth
You’ve felt the resonance make its way
Through your bones from toe to tooth
Each of you can now bear this truth today
And owe to each soul you know
To tell there is a plan and that there is a way
Like it or not this is the way we very surely go
As neighbors, friends and lovers stumble in the dark
Lost reason as well as wealth saying what it is that’s so
This heartfelt understanding can fly direct to the mark
Sharing this information so that others know
Is the only way to go
That is to say, my dear beloved friend
You now share the burden of this truth
To the devastating or gloriously glowing end
How best is it to carry such burden?
With the help of your brethren…
WOW… I hadn’t read this until the other day…
1000 X 1000 Thank you’s . . .
Only with you by my side could I have made it through with the grace
and ease we’ve witnessed, only with you could this journey continue
to flourish..
You’re my rock, you inspire me. . . my
sister hood/ brother hood. . .
this is not a solo journey, I know you know this. . .
My thoughts are scattered, so please forgive me. .
On the 28th Nov. Brad and I flew to Phoenix, rented a
car, {my angel Richard funded this journey} Bless you dear one,
bless you, I’m so filled with love with you as you are the one
that is in the lead wagon on this sojourn, Living on the edge,
that’s for sure…
Ok, back to the 28th, the drive into Sedona was magical,
as though this were the first time seeing the magnificent red
rocks, the blue, blue sky, the air is so clean, I feel as though
I could taste it.
We stayed at the Hilton, bringing our belongings into the room,
calling my beloved soul family, Kathleen, Gary, Fred, the list
goes on … I wanted them to meet Brad, to be filled with
the same joy I feel in his presence…
fantastic…
The morning of the 29th, Mike Shore drove in from
Payson, it was important to have him be with me while we explored
all the boxes that were in the storage unit…
Fred came, {Fred and Ian had met in Seattle about 15 years
ago, they parted ways, and rekindled
their love in Sedona}… Fred is a jeweler, he will be casting Ian’s
jewelry, once I get to Salmon Arm to retrieve all of Ian’s molds,…
Touching Ian’s treasure, feeling his energy through the pieces he
had created, knowing that these will never be completed, they
will remain as they are, when Ian returns, that’s the only time
they will be touched…
{I’m really working on keeping my thoughts straight,
I’m allowing what ever to come to come, thank you for your patients.}
Within the next few days, I’m looking at getting myself and Brad
to Salmon Arm, the rest of our belongings are in the Motor Home, I will be taking the molds, and what ever else
‘I can’t live without’… the rest will be given away, along with
the M/H… she never wanted
us to have her, its so clear now,
two engines blowing up, than two days in a row while Ian’s
life is on the line, not wanted to take us to Mexico…
I don’t need a two by four to tell me that someone else
will be the proud owner of Samantha… aka… Dumbo…
The ceremony at Mago’s Ranch, was spectacular, Walker
Marshall is a fantastic facilitator. . .
The candles were set around the Labyrinth… before entering, everyone
was smudged, and had the
Didgeridoo cover each of us with blissful sounds. . everyone felt taken care of, truly blessed, one
by one, in our silent introspection we walked the Labyrinth. .
. there were, I think about 15 of us, we came
together in the center, Walker gave thanks to the care givers,
bringing in all the elementals, and the four directions… we brought
Ian into the circle...
The night was clear, skies filled with stars, the drumming brought
in a cleansing, a centeredness, I felt everyone, no separation
what so ever, I felt one with Mother Earth, Father Sky, Grandmother
Moon, and everyone that was sitting around the fire pit…
That night’s dream was quit clear. . .
I had a black bag packed, it was one of those soft bags, sturdy,
when filled it stood up straight, about 24in, high, Ian came over
and stood on the top, my voice was calm and quiet when I said,
“you’re squishing my clothes.” He was wearing jeans, and a tee
shirt, his head was above the clouds. . . that’s all I remember. . .
The Forth Night, I feel there’s
more than just what has occurred through the forth day, the energy
from our entire lives has lead us to this exact moment in time.
. . how many times do you need to repeat what didn’t
work? Enough is enough,
so while your paying attention to what your mind is saying, acknowledge,
give yourself permission to give thanks, and change the channel…
The ethic’s committee is gaining momentum, those who continue to
reside within that ‘power’ station is loosing ground, when they
don’t have ‘fear’ to feed on, they will parish. . . so, when ever
you find yourself being frightened, notice it, than you can create
newly what you want, rather than
what you don’t want. . . This is our time
to ‘speak’ straight, LISTEN to yourself as closely as you listen
to others. . . what I hear the most is; how HARD it is, “it’s
so hard to change” well, yes, if you say so. . . look at that
statement, is it hard to change? Is it really? Why would you make
it so hard, who’s in there? Who’s speaking?
From the Oxford American Dictionary
HARD;
1: Firm, not yielding to pressure, not easily cut. 2: difficult to do or understand or answer. 3:
causing unhappiness, difficult to bear.
Is this the way you perceive yourself? I don’t think so. . .
So, drop that word, drop should, and why, drop ‘it can’t happen’,
or it won’t happen, drop fear, get yourself a box, or a paper
bag, write them down, say a prayer, give thanks for your life,
and burn them, gather yourselves together,
remember what the Hopi said, banish
the words struggle from your attitude and vocabulary… this is our
time, our time to gather our family, the forth night is where
the children step out and into the spot light, the bible said,
“the children will lead us.” The lessons are done, now, it’s for us to ‘remember’.
. . knowing who you are, knowing, remembering that you are a spiritual being, having this human
experience. . . we chose this time, we’ve chosen it because of
the New World that we’re creating, you and me. . . remembering
that LOVE is our foundation, the straight is so clear, what ever
you’ve piled on top of the love, it’s time to peal it all off,
polish it up, spit shine.
Make it so you can see your reflection, aah, the
beautiful one is here, welcome back. . .
Paying attention to that voice within, the one that has guided you
you’re entire life. . . sit with the thoughts from the past, the
ones you had that had everything go perfect, you’re mind didn’t
get in the way, that’s what made it perfect. . .
{of course everything is always perfect,
again, it’s our human mind that wants to be the judge and pronounce
us guilty}
The day when Ian was in the tub, and I knew that ‘I’ had to get
him out, never thought about saying ‘I can’t do this’. . . asking
for help from ‘The Source’, knowing I wouldn’t be turned down,
you’ve had those moments, I know you have. . . now, what we do
is extend those moments into minutes than hours, than days, weeks,
until that’s what/how we life our lives, from that place of knowing
who we are. . . in the spiritual realm, there’s no lake or limitations.
We’re only limited by what the mind says. . .
Enjoy it all, lets show Ian how its done,
that he is alive in each one of us. . .
Walking out of the Labyrinth, we sat around the fire pit, Walker had asked
me before hand if I would speak about what we could see while
the fourth night takes hold, I was thrilled to share, to have
my voice be heard… I don’t remember what I said, sorry… afterwards Mike told
me that what I said was clear, and eloquently spoken…
That last talk Ian did was at Mago’s Ranch. . . she had it on tape, so those who wanted to stay
did, we’re going to get permission from the guy who recorded the
evening so we can offer this to you, it’s unique, this was the
first time he updated to this degree. . .
we’ll let you know as soon as we get the word… in the mean
time, keep on sharing what we’ve got…
Back to the fire pit, we passed the talking stick, oh, one more
thing before we went out to the Labyrinth . . .
those who cared to write something to Ian did, than while
we were sitting about the fire pit, and the one who had the talking
stick, putting the paper in the fire, giving thanks
for the personal connection to Ian…
It was wonderful hearing how other’s perceived him, there
were a few people there that hadn’t ever met Ian, yet feeling
his essence, they spoke quite eloquently
about him. . .
Mike stayed over at Walker’s, grateful for that, wanted to have
more of his energy, and it’s a two hour drive to Payson… so we got to be with one another for most of
the next day, not knowing when we will see each other, yet, in
the spirit world, there is no time. Patricia came over, she had
been working with Quan Yin {did I sp that right?} I went first, then Mike, and
Brad, her gift is shared with those who ask. . . I so love Patricia,
she’s one that I want by my side through these times.
. . she is, she’s right here, even when not in the physical. .
.
Now that this segment of our journey is complete, getting Ian’s
belongings out of the storage unit, the next leg is getting to
Salmon Arm, so, I have a request, does anyone have air miles they’re
willing to gift us? It would be one way, we will need a large
van, or S U V, so we could drive back to the states with what
ever is left in the M/H… my soul is unsettled, the directions
that are being given to me is this needs to be complete before
the year is up…
On the
7th of Jan. 2006, 12/Sun is Ian’s Mayan Birthday,
The plan is to be in Amitlan, you are
invited, we will have Ian be at his final
resting place. Brother Ea, in Playa de Carmen, is getting ready,
he’s waiting for me to say when. . . while Ea and I spoke, he
said, Ian leaving on 12/Star is his personal future, no wonder
he struggled for three days, he knew he needed to leave on that
energy day, when Ea said that, there was silence on the phone,
we breathed a sigh at the same time, even the doctor’s said, ‘This
is one strong man, any other would have been gone a while ago.’
That’s when it all made sense, watching him those last few days,
that was tougher than watching him take his last breath. . .
There is a hotel within walking distance of Ea’s
land, Ian and I stayed there, it’s lovely… right now, I don’t
remember the name, I will get it, being reservations will be needed…
Yesterday, the 2nd, oh, I’m staying with daughter Jo-e,
daughter Kelly came in from Chicago, we’re together,
it’s the best of the best…
Anyway, Jo-e woke up saying she didn’t feel good, putting my lips
to her keppy, feeling my lips on Jo-e’s skin, and yet my beingness was
right there with Ian, I would kiss his forehead all through the
day, he would look up to me, “I love you.” Smiling back at him,
feeling the love he was sending me, “I love you Ian.” When I stepped
away from Jo-e I could feel the tears welling up, she looked at
me, “What are you feeling mom?” that’s when I let the tears flow
freely, telling her about kissing Ian’s keppy
everyday, all day… I knew if I kept kissing him, he would stay
with me, it’s so unreal, I have his ashes, I just got them this
morning, Mike had said, “don’t be shocked when the box comes,
it will be small, hard to believe an entire Ian will be in that
box.” When I picked it up, telling him I was carrying him, holding
him, before they took him away, I cute a piece of his hair. .
.
In the past I’ve spoken about having our community, well, I’ve told
Ian that the dreams we’ve shared, the desire to have the land,
and create our future will happen, so, here’s another request… Ea has found land, not far from his, there’s
100 acres,
Its tropical, with a lake… $200,000. this IS the land we spoke about that Ian and
I wanted, I told him, we would have it, and for those who are
looking to create what we’re looking to create, welcome… we will
be completely off the grid, we have almost everyone in place to
create our dream…
Remember me talking about Atlas Shrugged, Ayn
Rand’s book. . . they were invisible
to the outside world. . .
we
will be invisible to the outside world. . .
those who are willing to take on being ‘Stewarts’ of the land, to
nurture, protect, love, to plant, take care of the goats, chickens,
horses, gardens, to live your passion, step up, come on, we’re
creating our own reality, so what’s stopping us, no-thing. . .
I know we can manifest this, personally
I’m an Emotional Manifester, that’s my Human Design…
Oh, Barbara Bluestar, Mike said you might
be interested in putting all these words into a book, I sure would
love that, please let me know, I give it all to you, with love.
. .
That’s all for now. . . I’m loving you. . .
In Lak’ech. . .
Ian created this as a plot
plan. . .
December
14, 2005
Hi
Mike,
Arrived in BC
last night, Sarah and Tyhson picked me up this morning from Kawlona...
wonderful flight, slept soundly, wonderful, being I haven't slept
soundly in months...
Received a phone
call from Art, {Spirit has been with him since the 1st of Nov} knowing
I don't have a place for us to stay, this has been a true blessing...
My thoughts were,
that when I returned from Mexico after the 7Th, having ceremony
for Ian, i would get Spirit and have a place for us to live...
Well, the best
laid plans of mice and man, "man makes plans, God laughs"...
back to the phone call from Art... he's going to be leaving around
the first of Jan, or sooner, he needs to make money and the
money is in Los Angeles... what do I do with Spirit, it's
a hick~up, I know that it will come clear, yet, 'this little mind
of mine' wants an answer NOW...
A large home
in LA would be great, one that my daughter or daughter~in~love could
live in with me and Spirit, and the rest of the family, that way, Spirit
would feel safe, being he's known the family his entire life...
I'm extending
myself, having our Mayan family work as one, this little hick~up
will be smoothed out easily...
I walked into
the motor home this evening, my heart felt like it hit the snow
hard... heavy tears,... when i came back into the house, Sarah held
me, saying, "please don't go in there alone." believe me I
won't...
The perfection
of me coming here alone, being I had put energy out for someone
to travel with, it truly is perfect that I'm here with Sarah and
Tyhson with out having another with, so again I know everything
will be exactly as its ment to be...
Well Magic Man,
that's it for now... post this if you care to... blessings dear
one...
Matty
14th Dec. 05
Wednesday
Four
weeks have passed since Ian left his physical body, absolutely amazing
Sarah
and Tyhson picked me up this morning, my plane got in around midnight last
night, so I stayed over at a motel, having a wonderful sleep, traveling all
day, I was exhausted to the bone
I feel
comforted being back in Salmon Arm, knowing that this leg of my journey is
under way getting the motor home unloaded, then having someone buy her, this
is all part of the adventure
I
spoke with Ea about Ian's physical return, he said, I wouldn't
be surprised if Ian showed up on the 7th Jan. for this
own ceremony. What a hoot that would be.
Before
I left LA, everyone wanted to know what was next? Answer, I don't
know, I'm taking it one breath at a time that's all I can do right
now
Art
called, he said he will be leaving to go to LA, he's been called
to do his work; and he can't take Spirit with him, so I sat with
a days worth of panic
Grief
is a most peculiar thing, we're so helpless
in the face of it. It's
like a window that will simply open of its own accord.
The room grows cold, and we can do nothing but shiver.
But it opens a little less each time,
and a little less and one day we wonder what has become of it.
A
mind troubled by doubt cannot focus on the course to victory.
These
came from Arthur Golden, Memoirs
of a Geisha the man is also; Word Smith Ian is a Word Smith as
well,
2:35 am
16th Dec05
From
a sound sleep I awoke feeling strange sensations through my body,
Putting
clothes on, walking outside to find the moon, I could feel the
energy from it's fullness, yet, I couldn't see it, the cloud cover
was quite thick there aren't that many Blue Moons; we get to experience,
this was the 13th full moon in a 12 month period hence,
‘Blue Moon.
It
took an hour before it registered that the time I woke was the
exact time that Ian left his body, one month ago Ian
wanted me to be with him at that moment, that was clear, at the clinic, they took his body
away around 4:30 , that's when I was able to sleep once again
Sarah,
Tyhson and I started clearing out the motor home amazing how much stuff can be
storied in there we stopped around
noon
, knowing we were complete for
the day
This
evening I checked my email, when ever I receive one from Keliana there’s
a warmth that filters through my body she said Ian told
her, There's no urgency to get to Amatlan My body relaxed, I hadn't noticed that
I was holding onto anything, yet, reading this, my system took
a turn that had me feel so comfortable, I had been asking myself
for more than a week, what's the urgency here, why do I have to
be there on this date.” Something was pushing me, it was my own mind, creating turmoil
So, as
of this moment, the 7th of Jan. is on hold
18th Dec. 05
Sunday
Quiet
day, finished organizing everything from the M/H, now, it’s complete
There's
a strange feeling within
my body, that's the only word that I can come up with at this
time the word lethargic showed up oh well,
I
finished reading The Color of Water By James McBride, a true story
of a black man, about his white mother when I turned and read
the last page, I held it close to my chest, I felt proud to be
here in my human body
Yesterday
we went to Sharon’s hours, she had a gathering, there were
over 30 people, it was for a pot luck and meditation, sharing,
Sharon asked me if I would share, I said, I would be honored While
in Los Angeles , I had heard from three different people that it
was time for my voice to be heard When
Sharon
introduced me, I took a deep breath,
words tumbled forth.
Well,
Im excited to see what's next. . .
Thank
you, thank you so much for all of your encouragement, your love
and support.
In Lakech;
Matty
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I
was in such a hurry to get this to Mike that I didn’t re-read
the entire piece, I have now, and added more.
. . blessings
25th Dec. ’05 12/Deer
Monday,
the 19th Dec.
Art
called informing me that the call he had been waiting for came
last night, he would be leaving in a couple of days. . .Panic
set in, sharing with Sarah and Tyhson that I would be leaving
a.s.a.p. . .We
talked about solutions, renting a large enough vehicle to hall
what I had removed from the M/H, and enough room for Spirit. .
.
Tuesday 20th Dec.
I
sat with panic energy almost the entire Monday, having conversations
with Sarah, {what a love she is, yum} a soul sister if I ever
had one, she’s the one . . . well we got into action, today was
the day to complete whatever sat in front of me, getting a vehicle,
handling it, that’s it, handling it . . .
Tyhson’s
sister came for the holidays, and it’s her birthday,
Happy
B~day Lee. . .
She’s staying with her mom. The
three of us pile into the Sarah’s car, we’re all bundled up, it’s
2c. . . a bit nippy. . . We
arrived at Tyhson’s mom’s in time for tea, what a delightful ‘mom’,
sweet smile, happy to be here, it’s written all over her. . .
It’s
an ordeal to take off my boots, jacket, scarf, and then put it
all back on when leaving. . . anyway.
. .After
our hugs, chatting a while, the phone book come out, finding car
rentals. . . for the next 30 min. I called every car rental
that I knew had a sister company in the states so I could leave
the vehicle there. . . No
one had anything for a one way drive.
. . when I stopped phoning, Lee said, “Seems to
me, you’re not supposed to move your stuff now.” Sarah and I were sitting on the floor, Lee was
sitting near
me in a chair, I looked over to her, “you’re absolutely right.” Sarah said, “No worries, you can leave everything
right where it is, and when you’re ready you’ll come get it.” At that moment every ounce of stress rolled
off of me like a wave standing in the ocean. . .
Alrightie then, plan 37B. . . “I’ll take a
bus to Bellingham, Art can pick me up from the bus station, I’ll have him drop
me in Sedona, he will continue on to Los Angeles.” Smashing idea Sarah
says. . . We were all in agreement, smashing idea. . .
“Thank
you Lee, that’s why they say it takes more than one head to come
up with a solution, we have five.” Big smile, “you’re welcome…”
I
called Art telling him what we came up with, he said, “that’s
the best plan I’ve heard yet.” I told him I would call again when I found out
the bus schedule and time of arrival…
We
drove over to the bus depot, getting the schedule for the morning,
the bus to Bellingham, would be leaving at 7:50 am, I didn’t
buy the ticket, making sure that it was a good time for Art to
pick me up at 5:15
pm. Arrival time in Bellingham . . .
I
was told I could buy the ticket in the morning, to get there at
7:30 when they
opened, cool. . . called Art, he said
he didn’t know where the station was, he would find it, and be
there. . .
Returning
to Sarah’s, needing to get everything in order, I’m carrying a
back pack and a small rolling bag, anything that wouldn’t fit,
didn’t come, my two down pillows are my priority. . .
I felt relaxed, calm, content even, we had rented movies, so we made a fun night of it. .
. Sarah made dinner, we
watched two movies, we agreed to wake around 6:15, and leave
the house
at 7. . .
I
had finished reading the two books I had, so, I went looking for
a book to take with on this next leg of my journey. . .finding
a book, I packed it in my back pack, everything was near the door, ready to move into
the car, and be on our way first thing in the morning. . .
21st
Dec. Wed.
6:15
am, Sarah came down stairs to make sure
I’m awake, our timing is impeccable, I was on my way to the shower.
. . Sarah made breakfast
for me, making sure I had enough food for my journey, I love being
taken care of, she does it so gracefully.
. . I took the other half of sandwich I hadn’t eaten from yesterday,
at 7:20 we were off, it’s 30 min. to the
bus depot, we knew we would get there, and the bus would be ready
for me. . . all’s well.
. . the road is slick, there’s snow on the ground, sooo
beautiful, there were areas of the lake that were frozen over,
the water is so calming. . . There were a few white and gray geese
floating on the water, they looked so peaceful. . . the lights from the city were ablaze, the morning
light was coming up quickly. . . the days are shorter then in
the states, at least where I grew up. . . in Salmon Arm the sun
sets by 4:30 this time of year, summers are longer, we had a wonderful
summer in Salmon Arm, really wonderful. . . grateful for this
last view before heading to the U.S. . .
once again. . .
The
bus was crowded, the driver put my rolling bag in the baggage
compartment, my pillows and back pack came with me. . . I found
a seat towards the back, there was a young man sitting next to
the window, in front of me a young girl sat alone, I asked her
if it were ok for me to put my back pack with hers, “No problem.”
The
young man told me he was getting off in Vancouver, that he had been traveling all night, he’s excited to end
his journey. . . I told him where I was going.
. . that was the extent of our conversation. . .
As
we approached our first stop, the bus driver said, we were going
to unload the bus, and change busses, there was some mechanical work that needed to be done
on this one. . . It would take about 15 minutes. . .This
is great, being I wanted to sit up front. . .
everyone got off, I went into the station, went to the
restroom, came out, and waited outside where the bus would be
loading, it was around 5c, still cold, I had enough clothes on
to keep me toasty, just my nose got really frosty. . .
The
door of the bus opened, I took the front seat on the other side
of the bus driver so I had a clear view through the huge window.
. . my energy was clear enough so no one sat with me . . . there
were many who had disembarked at this first stop, so the bus was
less crowded . . .
As
the terrain continued to change, the packed snow was turning into
ice, there were areas where there once were water falls, that
were now, ice falls, they were extraordinary.
. . the winds blew, the rains came. . . I was sitting in aah
the entire time, not once did I think about the book I brought,
nor did I remember what book I packed, funny when I think about
that, yet, it’s always in divine order . . . thinking that I would
have plenty of time to read. . .
My
phone rang, the driver said, “you won’t get a clear connection here.” We were driving through
mountain ranges. . . the call was from
Keliana, from Hawaii, not only was it clear, we were on the phone for about 15
min. She
told me that Ian insisted she ‘try again’, she had called a while
ago, and it went right to the answering machine, she said, Ian
told her, “Call now, Call now, you’ll get through.” He was adamant about his ashes. . . “Don’t
scatter my ashes, I want you to keep
them.” I told her that I would keep them, that I would
wait until I was given instructions on what he wanted. . . she
said, “This is what I’m seeing, Spirit, you and Ian’s ashes on
‘The Land’, living in a tent, on The
Land”. . . {what land, I’m not sure, it will present it’s self} There is such comfort when
we speak, Keliana’s voice is soothing
to my soul. . .
There
were other incidences along the way, crossing the boarder, stuff,
nothing to write home about, ya know what I mean!
The
bus was scheduled to arrive in Bellingham at 5:15, we were 30
min. late, I called Art, he was waiting,
no worries. . . Arrived
5:45, Art and I are happy to see one another, Spirit is in the car,
we’re chatting as we walk, Art is filling me in on the last seven
weeks since we parted in Calgary . . . that was the last time Spirit and I had seen one another.
. . Long time, at times
it felt as though time didn’t exist, and other times when it seemed
like forever. . .
I
open the door, reach towards him, put my arm around his neck,
he turned his head away from me. . . “Ok, I got it, you’re angry,
and this is your way of telling me your not happy about us being
apart, I got that, you can be what ever you want, and I will love
you always, know that I won’t make any promises about our future,
yet, for now it’s you and me.”
He put his cheek up against mine. . .
All’s well. . .
Art
gave me a guided tour through Bellingham, it was dark, cold and windy, it took about 40 minutes to
get to the fairy, that’s the only way to his home. . .the winds
were so intense, the fairy was being blown all over the lake,
it takes ten minutes to cross, not enough time to get motion sickness.
. . when we arrived at the house, Spirit got out of the car, walked
up to the front door, turned his head towards me, almost as if
he were saying . . . “this is where I’ve been living.”
We
talked about our plans for the morning, Art wanted to leave the house around 1 p.m. The
winds were howling, his house overlooks the ocean, nice,
the hot tub had been ozoneated all day, I
could smell it, it must have been about 25o . . .
with the winds chill factor, it was colder then that,
didn’t stop me from going outside and getting into the hot tub.
. . It was a magical night, the winds kept the clouds away, the
sky was filled with stars. . . very special.
. . greatly appreciated the opportunity. . what a way to end a day of travel. . .
Spirit
had a funky smell, Art said, he wanted to give Spirit a bath before
we headed out, I agree, driving with that smell, not.
. . we got him in the bath
tub, making sure the water was warm, getting him in was comical,
once he got in, he was fine, it was getting him in, it’s not like
taking a small dog, lifting him up, and placing him in, we’re
talking about 130lbs. . . we stripped
down, took turns soaping him up, than rinsing him off, he’s clean.
We
left at 2 pm on Wed.
We
drove all day Wednesday, continued on Thursday. . . We drove through
heavy fog, pea soup, it was unsettling, for a time, that’s how
my emotions were expressing themselves, thick pea soup. . . we
arrived into Sedona at 4am Friday. . .
Sometime
around 3am Thursday while Art was driving, my eyes were closed, not sleeping,
I hear Art say, “Hang on.” My
eyes fly open, the car is doing a 360,
The
road is covered with black ice, we hit the packed ice on the side
of the road, missed a snow poll by inches, missed another poll,
we headed toward the wall that divides the freeway, Art gets the
car to stop within 3 inches of the wall. . . one car drove by
as we were facing the wall, he didn’t stop, knowing we were just
fine. . . when we took our first breath, I looked at Art, “Good
job my friend, good job.” We
didn’t panic at any time, just went with what ever was there,
Art said, “thanks for not freakin’ out.” “You’re welcome,
Nothing to freak out about, in fact, I can’t think
of anything that would have me freak out”. . .
I’m
staying in the same complex Ian and I had stayed at twice before,
a different unit, I’m grateful for that. . . I had spoken to Suzann,
she said she would leave the key under the matt, we arrived, got
what we needed for the moment, Spirit knew he was home, he was
born in Sedona, I was so wired, it seemed like forever before
I fell asleep. . .
Kathleen
invited us for Christmas dinner, it was delightful, I hadn’t seen
her in months, this feels like home, even though my children are
in Los Angeles, my soul family is here, the energy is gentler
here. . .
I’m
in walking distance to everything I need, being I don’t have a
vehicle. . . It feels good not to have any keys.
. . interesting really.
. . Kath is sharing her car with me, makes it easier to get to
her, being walking to her home is a 20 min. drive, I would be
walking all day, and there’s no sidewalks, so I would be walking
with the traffic, na, don’t like that idea at all. . .
Back
to Sunday, 25th, Dec. ‘05
Art’s
plans are, he’s leaving today, going to LA, he has work
there, he’ll be gone from his home for a couple of seasons, that’s
how he speaks it. . . Kath, Adrian, and Gary came over before Art left. . . they
wanted to say their good-byes . . .
Around
two o’clock, they all departed, the space was way to quiet, I had a feeling that hadn’t been there in some time, the feeling
of being lonely. . . Spirit
was with me, so I wasn’t alone, yet, that lonely feeling was present,
it was so there that I didn’t know what to do with myself, I wrote
a little, couldn’t find comfort in that, so I went to the movies,
‘The Family Stone’, the family so resembled mine, I loved it. . I
laughed, cried, I needed to feel all these emotions. . .
Walking
back to the condo, the lonely feeling washed over me once again.
. . Spirit was standing at the door when I returned, I interpreted
his look as longing and love, with such warmth that all other
negative feelings vanished. . . we went
for a long walk, feels wonderful being here, allowing to be guided,
allowing my guides to lead the way, any thought that ‘I’ know
better, those thoughts have lead me astray, have caused me pain
and unhappiness, now, it’s all turned over to the care of God.
. .
Don’t
Fight The Changes
In
fighting/arguing/stressing, being fearful, that energy is being
harnessed by the ‘power elite’. This
is their way of staying/remaining in control, whenever fear appears
within your body, and this fear perpetuates for hours, days, months,
with no let up in sight, they’re the happiest, they’ve got you
where they want you. . . The more fearful you are, the easier it is to
manipulate all of us. . . The
media is doing a fantastic job keeping all their ‘sheep’ in line.
. . the sheep eat what they are told to eat, fast food, {no food
value} soft drinks, {robs the body of its natural substances,
leaches into the blood stream} don’t go out doors with out your
skin protected with sun protector, {robbing your body of natural
vitamin D, essential for a healthy immune system} Cook your food until its chard {remove ALL its
natural vit, & minerals}
There
are foods that we consume that lower our vibration level to the
point that the forces of nature begins to return our body to the
earth. . .The
acidic environment is the true cause of the body to create disease;
various microbes have been found to be associated with arterial
lesions of heart disease. . .There
is a belief system that has been on earth since the beginning
of time, ‘You’re born, you grow, age,
get old, and die.’ Well,
I don’t subscribe to that belief system, I erased my name from
the roster when I was in my 20s, I knew in my heart of hearts
that I could live as long as I choose, not by some out side force,
by me choosing. . . you can too. . .
We’re
at a cross roads, you will choose which road you travel on, honor
what ever choice you make, and the choices of your loved ones.
. .
DREAM
Somewhere, large gathering.
. . There were people serving food/drinks,
walking
around with trays, a server walked up to the group where I was
standing,
his eyes caught mine, I looked down at his name tag,
David Moogon, I said his name out loud, at the same moment I looked
into
His eyes, he smiled, I felt Ian, and I woke up, all in that moment.
. .
I’ve
never had a dream where a name has appeared like that, any one
out there named David Moogon?
It’s
time we took back our power, be true to yourself,
eat for your blood type, in the event you want to shed
a few pounds, when you eat for your blood type the pounds fall
off. Gary started eating for his blood type, he’s lost over 30lbs, he
feels stronger, clearer, and looks great.
Drinking
while you eat gives the body a false sense of fullness, we’ve created habits that don’t serve
us. It’s important to eat slowly, put your fork down between each
bit, pay attention to the food in your mouth while chewing. .
. It seems I’m the last one to finish my meal, in the past, I
would want to rush myself so that whom ever I was eating with
didn’t have to wait for me, now, I take care of MY needs, which
is to eat slowly, perhaps some of that would rub off on the person,
persons I was eating with. . . sometimes
it does. . .There
are foods that disrupt the system when combined, for instance,
fruit eaten with any thing other than other fruits will ferment
the other foods in you intestine and cause your body to expel
gas, or have you have an upset stomach, maybe heart burn.
. . then you take a pill to settle the upset, why not prevent
it in the first place, learn what works for you and what doesn’t.
. . an amazing concept don’t ya think? Eat for your
blood type. . .
I
started using ‘Power Plates’ they had been gifted to us while
Ian was here, I’ve got one under my mattress, one under my pillow,
in the fridge, in the bathroom where my creams are, and I take
my rings off at night. . . Here’s
what Dan Nelson PhD said about tap water. . .
“I measured tap water after it had been charged with the
‘Power Plates” The water registered at 8,500 bio-angstroms, the
exact same as the water stored inside your cells. . . Tap water
registers around 4,000 normally.”
I’m
impressed. . .
More
info on Power Plates
www.coryland.ca
info@coryland.ca
Cory
Land Inc.
#531 101 – 1865 Dilworth
Dr.
Kelowna BC V1Y 9T1
Canada
More
fun things for our today’s world, and our future, don’t ya
love sharing new stuff, I sure do. . .
Monday 26th Dec. ’05 13/Star
With
the power plate under my mattress, and one under my pillow, I
had a different sleep, sounder, woke up feeling rested on a deeper
level. . . I’m looking for other ways to describe my sleep, yet,
for now, this is as close as I’ve come. . .
How
would one master the force of one’s expectations?
In
order to move from 3D to 5D, your expectations would most likely
need to be put
elsewhere. . . Having your expectations
rule or run your day to day life, I don’t see a future, not one
that you’re dreaming about. . . with
the rush of energy, with more and more that will be manifesting
itself, there’s no time to ponder, what ever your first impulse
is, that’s the one you go with. . . with one’s mind dictating
your next moment, the natural flow is lost. . .
Your
natural flow is when you ‘allow’ every situation, every breath
to be in the arena of perfection.
God
doesn’t make mistakes, the human mind, the one with expectations,
the one that criticizes, banters, debates, runs with fear, anger,
the one where the e g o {
E dging
G od
O ut} takes over, when we’re in anything other than LOVE,
there’s that state of mind that could paralyze you. . .
ask yourself, where do I want to be? How do I want to live
my life? Do I need to continue to struggle? When will I live my
passion?
What
legacy am I handing down to the next generation? Are my children
happy with me? Am I happy with them? Do we take time to be with
one another, to enjoy the beauty that is set before me? Are you
living your life the way you want to live, or because someone
else told you, ‘this is the way it is’. . .My
cousin told me years ago, “no one is truly happy.”
I looked at him, thinking of what to say, “Do you really
believe that no one is truly happy?”
“yah, there are moments of happiness,
but you can’t stay happy all the time.” I didn’t say this to him, what my thoughts were,
that’s not true,
there’s a declaration that one makes, either you’re happy or not,
no matter what the scenario . . .
This
is our time, you know this, you’ve come this far, you don’t want
to miss the party, it’s going to be the grandest ball ever. .
. we don’t have any more lessons, now its time to remember who
you are, a spiritual being, I love being human, I’m addicted to
being human, that’s why I keep comin back. . .Take
back your power, whom ever you gave it to, take it back, they
have their own, they don’t need yours. . . do it with love, was
it Shel Silverstein who wrote the book,
Everything we need to know about life we learned in the sandbox,
or something like that. . . it’s brilliant, hold hands when you
cross the street, share your things, be kind, say nice words to
your friends. . . how much more simple can it be, we, us humans
have caused all the confusion there is, now its time to untangle
the knots. . .
When
we cultivate and stabilize our energy, we can change the way we
live. . . so, when you think all those
brilliant thoughts, yet do nothing with them, there’s something
amiss with that state of affairs. . .
I F
N O T N O W ~ W
H E N ?
The Tibetan word
for Synchronicity is Rten brel. . .
Remembering
how powerful our thoughts are, one can bring upon one’s self tragedy,
when allowing the mind to dictate that negative energy. . .
The words we use now, now more than ever, is to speak what
you want, not what you don’t want, yet, it must be spoken in the
absolute, ‘I want to be well,’ the absolute statement is, ‘I am
well’, I’m whole and complete.’ I am clear, concise, articulate,
passionate, ethical, and filled with love.
. . when you want something,
‘I want a new car.’ So!.
. . it’s usually outside of yourself, there isn’t anything out
there. . .
This
4th Night is more powerful than any other time, ever,
now we have the grace to experience it. . . this time we get to show our selves what we’re made of. . . come,
take the bat, you’re up. . .
Remember
when Ian spoke about taking risks?
How our journey was being guided, that our audience, the
angelic beings were cheering us on. . . well, I’m not stopping, Mike isn’t stopping Carl surely
isn’t stopping. . . we’re in this game for the duration. . . well, Ian has joined the angelic beings, he’s
cheering us on, lets make him proud, let him know that his life
had purpose, he is a great teacher, one we’re proud to have on
our team. . . I love you Ian . . .
“The
Legends say that since fear and anger come from being concerned
that we are going to lose something the way to avoid these emotions
is to detach from all outcomes”
James Redfield ‘The Secret of Shambhala’
Powerful,
Don’t Take Anything
Personally
Wow,
listen to this, “God is not going to turn up the power in you
unless you are on the same page with universal intention.”
James Redfield
‘The Secret of Shambhala’
With
bat in hand, stepping up to the plate, knowing that however the
ball is thrown to you, you’re going to hit a home run, out of
the ball park, no doubt about it. . .
The
power mongers feed off of fear, anger, upset,.
. . STOP FEEDING
THEM. . .
Look
at all the drugs that are being pushed into your body.
. . why would you choose to swallow them?
This
4th night is all or nothing.
. . it’s the last roll of the dice, your last chance, you get
to make up the out come, that’s the most exciting thing I’ve heard
all day. . .
30th Dec. ’05 Friday
This
past Wednesday marked 6 weeks since Ian left his body,
so very strange, there are times when I feel as
though there’s an emptiness in my stomach that nothing will fill,
a longing, lonely feeling, Even though I allow
it to be there, the feeling doesn’t go away, I just watch it,
feel it, find comfort knowing he’s with me, I talk to him, my
dreams have him be with me, he looks wonderful in my dreams. .
.
There
are things I love to do, I’m an amazing organizer, Kathleen hired
me to assist her in organizing her space, and the Dr. she works
for, so I’ve been able to work a little, helps put food on the
table for Spirit and me. . .
My
girl friend Cheri is coming tomorrow, she moved to Nevada, we’ve known one another for almost 30 years,
it’s been forever since we’ve had a New Years with each other.
