This is
a Test - Matty's Journal
September 2005
click here to go to the latest
journal entry - updated on September 25,05
matty@mayanmajix.com
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation
of my heart be acceptable to, O Lord… Holy Bible
Monday, September 05, 2005
So,
what does this mean, the 5th of Sept…? Passing of time, counting how long I’ve been
on the planet…? How many
rotations the earth has made…? How many wars, how many people
have given their lives in the name of ____, you fill in the blank…
We’re
‘supposed’ to be the most intelligent of ‘all’ living things…
humans have created more destruction than another living, breathing
entity that ever existed… when
there’s a forest fire, does anyone hear the trees complain? Does
the lion bitch and moan when his/her family is eating a deer?
Do they kill for the sport of it?
Where
does it stem from? These thoughts that ‘we’re’ {humans} are the
superior beings? My mind is boggled from these statements, yes,
there’s much good that we’ve brought to consciousness, yet, in
the scheme of everyday living, how people get along with one another,
speak with one another, just the thought about driving on the
freeways in Los Angeles is enough to have the hair on my entire
body rise up in fear…
The
energy that I feel while I’m there, the possessiveness, meaning,
don’t get in my space attitude…
Here’s
what Rev. Michael Beckwith say’s about;
THE DHARMA
OF RIGHT SPEECH
How are we to develop a relationship of integrity,
of congruency in our inner and outer expressions? How does one practice the dharma of right speech?
In my own experiments in the laboratory of consciousness,
I have found that setting the intention to use speech in a consciousness
of mindfulness attunes me to intuitive guidance.
What if I were to tell you that “yes” and
“no” are equals on the playing ground of their synonym “affirm”? An affirmation is a deliration about our conviction,
which becomes a law unto that about which it has been spoken. What it really breaks down to is our motivation,
our intention that determines the dharma of right speech. In other words, renouncing the egoic attachment
to speaking creates a vibration in consciousness that guides us
to know the appropriateness of what, to whom, why or why not,
and where.
This is what we want to do; to align the
inner and outer expression of our being so that there is a congruency
of consciousness being expressed.
The inside and outside are harmonized.
Consider how we let “yes” roll over our tongue even while
our mind or heart cries “no.”
How about our saying “no” while within there is a plaintive
cry of “yes” yearning to express? Sometimes it makes taking a permanent vow of
silence an attractive proposition!
There is a universal law governing speech.
When an enlightened being utters “no,” it becomes a law
of elimination, releasing that which no longer serves one’s life’s’
journey. “Yes” operates
as law of acceptance of the goodness of the universe, the very
spirit of life. Let us
all become more mindful of spreading the contagion of love, kindness,
compassion and upliftment through the powerful gift of speech.
Today the words
I speak
come from the power of my
Soul and the purity
of
My heart.
I use the gift
of speech to uplift,
comfort and share
Love of the Spirit.
When
the Rev. speaks, I listen with an open heart, soul, mind, and
anything else that would show up…
By the way, if you’re interested in receiving
The Inner Visions, call; 310 348 1266
Or, send $30 to Agape’s Quiet Mind Bookstore
5700 Buckingham Parkway
Culver City CA. 90230
Life is good, all the time… where we put our consciousness/thoughts,
that’s what will continue to show itself…
Have you heard about the
‘Echo Generation’… these
children are the one’s born from the 80’s on forward… they were
born with computers, internet, having to wear helmets while ridding
a bike… they are the ‘super’ generation…
They have been guided and protected from the moment they took their
first breath… keeping them occupied with every conceivable piece
of equipment available, from infant gym classes,
to little league, soccer, dance, you name it, they’ve been exposed
to it…
My generation, was all about, being creative, “Go out side and
play”… that was the rule of the day, and that’s all we needed,
a jump rope, pogo stick, bike, jacks… friends… we made up games
the entire day, never saying we were board, not going to mommy
to entertain us, or ‘drive’ us somewhere for a ‘play date’… what
the hell have we done to the children???
Going shopping, when you use ‘cash’, if the register doesn’t show
the exact change, the person wouldn’t know how much to give you
for they purchase you just made, it’s comical to me…
When I worked at my dad’s bakery, I could a,
½ doz. rolls, breads, there must have
been six or seven items, I
bagged his order, told him the cost, he looked at me, “will you
please show me how you came to that amount?” I wrote everything
down on his bag, it was to the penny, he looked at me, “I’m
very impressed.” I smiled, “Thank you sir, please come again.”
“Oh, believe me, I will.”…
something is missing?
WHAT???
Ian is with a healer, he
will be with this man for the next three days, he’s gotten to
the place where he has totally surrendered… this is what I’ve
been waiting for… it was about a week
ago, I sat down on the bed next to Ian, I said, “I’m going to
say something that you might not want to hear, yet, it must be
said, YOU NEED TO SURRENDER, NOT JUST CERTAIN THINGS, EVERYTHING,
ACROSS THE BOARD.” He looked at me, not a word was spoken, he knew
it was time, time to give it all over to God… later that day, he went outside, sitting in
the sun, he said, “ok, God, I’m giving it all to you, I can’t
do this alone any longer.” I
told him as soon as he released any and all control, he would
heal… he’s on his way…
This has been and continues to be the most exciting adventure I’ve
ever experienced in my entire life… I know I keep saying this,
and each day, more happens, more energy is experienced, with that,
this adventure is glorious…
After I said what I’d said to Ian, I continued to say, “I want
my play mate back… I want to go fishing, and explore more…” he
said, “I do to, I loved our traveling, and sharing our adventure.” We will, soon…
This journey has brought us closer… what the future will bring,
I don’t know, and I don’t want to know, it’s one day at a time…
I’m here to serve, and to be in acceptance of it all…
Pierre Teilhard DeCharin
wrote; “Your
ideas mature gradually. Let
them grow and shape themselves without undue haste.
Believe that God’s hand is leading you…”
Truly, what else is there? No-thing… when my heart and soul is filled with God energy,
all is as it should be… the Garden of Eden hadn’t been lost after
all… we’re all a part of the divine plan…
The Goddess of the Winged World hasn’t been near her nest for days…
I miss her, and know that we will see one another soon… this too
is part of the divine plan… no-thing is forever, everything has
it’s cycle…
I’ve received e-mail’s from loving ‘family’ … telling me that their
love and prayers are with me/us… this means sooo
much to me, so very much…
The choices we make fill in the details of our plan… life isn’t something that is done to you, it
is all about the choices… we all know this, it’s living it that’s
the challenge…
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
I Am the Love
of God
As long as we
recognize our
Oneness with Infinite
Intelligence,
we are
set free from uncertainty
and pain…
Ernest Holmes,
The Science of
Mind
Perhaps the most monumental moment in my
life was when I first glimpsed the oneness of all life. My awareness opened up and I was able to feel
that I was connected to everything.
Gradually, I came to understand that everything I did
or said or thought or felt impacted everyone everywhere.
It was an energizing sense of responsibility.
Nothing was random or without meaning and resonance.
Fortunately, with responsibility came an
understanding of God without judgment.
The idea of a God that kept score disappeared and I began
to glimpse the amazing web of interconnectivity.
I found evidence that God’s intelligence is
loving and that God’s love in intelligent.
I discovered that love and intelligence was everywhere,
in everything seen and unseen.
Right away I wanted to make higher choices.
I wanted to be part of the humanity that was lifting
human consciousness. With
this intention I no longer had a tolerance for my own remorse,
guilt, shame, laziness, excuses and hurtful behavior. If God didn’t keep score, why should I? every moment became
precious because every moment became and opportunity to lift
everyone everywhere. I
discovered my life purpose; to be the love and compassion of
God.
Every choice for love had an impact. Every
time I chose something less than love and felt guilty and disappointed
became a moment when I could choose to love myself back on track. God held nothing against me, why should I?
I came to understand what Jesus meant when he said, “let
the dead bury the dead.” I
am here to give and receive love without score, without shame
that I didn’t choose higher yesterday, without condemnation
for another who didn’t see what they couldn’t see.
I am here to love. I
am the love of God. I am!
I am one with
all love.
I am one with
all intelligence.
I am one with
everyone and everything.
I am the love
of God and I rejoice to reveal it!
Written by:
Jennifer Hadley
Justice without
Judgment
This
statement has brought more peace of mind than anything I’ve
ever brought forth into my awareness/consciousness…
Speaking
with my son Ray this morning, sharing with him how ‘Justice
without Judgment’ has brought such peace of mind, my body is
more relaxed, my entire being is in harmony…
Years
ago, after my brother died, his mother-in-law, for what ever
reason, took a position where her upset/anger showed so clearly,
without knowing why, she was an angry women… this day, my sweet
momma was at a fund raiser where Betty was a member with my mom, my momma walked up
to her to say hello, Betty spat at my mom… when she came home,
she called me to tell me what had happened, I could hear in
her voice how upset she was… She asked me why would she do such
a thing? I didn’t have an answer… what
I told her was this:
“Momma,
let it go, God will take care of her, she
won’t get rewarded for her actions.
It can take time, yet her judgment day will come.”
Some
years later, we were told that she suffered for months before
her passing… when mom and I spoke
about Betty, I reminded her of what I had said, that God would
take care of her… Momma remembered…
Telling
Ray this, {he had heard this story years
ago} saying that ‘Justice without Judgment’ is stronger than
ever… he said, “I get it, I truly get it.”
While
we were on the phone, he had just picked Maia, {Rays’ daughter}
up from her first day at school… she will be 6 in December…
he said how stressed he is living in the city,
Los Angeles does that … like that a_____e driver…
So,
Ray, even that driver, justice with out judgment… when you can let EVERYTHING go, your body will relax, your stress level
will level out… you will be at peace…
The
tone of his voice changed… he created a new energy field for
himself in that moment… God
bless the children…
Herb’s Transition
7:30 a.m.
Saturday 10th
Sept… ‘05
looking at the clock,
sitting at the edge of the bed where Ian sleeps, feeling love
being transferred from him towards me, and my love towards
him…
“I
love you”, while his words come, feeling a pressure on my
chest, than saying, “I love you Ian,”
feeling tears, “I feel Herb, feeling his passing.”
Ian
said, he’s in the room…
we called Gary to find out if there was any news
about Herb, nothing new…
9:30 a.m. Gary calls, weeping, Herb passed this
morning at 7:30…
I’ve
never experienced anything this clear, the feeling just came
over me, there hadn’t been any previous thought of Herb this morning…
Than I read this:
Written by;
Monique Ruffin
The Door to the
Kingdom Swings Inward:
In my continued journey on this planet I
have spent most of my years, as many of us do, looking for
love, believing love looked a certain way, behaved in a specific
manner and most importantly always felt good.
It was years before I released the idea me parents
and childhood were the reason I was unable to express love
and accept that my incomplete experience in relationships
were due to my limited perception of the activity of love,
hence God. Before then I spent years doing all I imagined
I could to get the love I desired.
It wasn’t until I wore myself out, exhausted by my
own methods of getting love, that I surrendered and the door
to the kingdom was revealed to me…
The door swings inward. It does not open to our constant banging and
pleading for love to be given.
It can not be pushed in or forced open; it will open
when we are far enough out of the way for it to swing freely
without obstruction or pressure from those who wait to enter.
When we intend to release all of the conditions we
place on love, releasing our need to force it into our box
while recognizing its omnipresence, we receive automatic entrance
to the kingdom. Love
is what we are; it is forever flowing from and to us.
Believing it is outside of us is when we deny the truth
of our being as anything other than love, goodness and abundance. Our conditions to love obstruct the door from
its natural swing. When
we are willing to allow the door to swing inward, we will
find ourselves caught in an avalanche of pure unconditional
love.
What
I’m seeing is, there are so many who are living with the illusion
that in order for happiness, we can only listen to what makes
us feel good… what fills our heart…
I
was having a conversation with Jonne the other day, saying
to her, when we hear what fills our heart, than it’s perfect
to be with that person, when that same person is speaking
about something that we don’t want to hear, than that person
is a total ass… “why would I want
to be with him, he doesn’t understand me?”
so, here’s the gift you give yourself, know that whatever
is being said to you, under {what ever words you hear} all
of it is, I LOVE YOU… when you can hear, I LOVE YOU, then
you will have that unconditional love you’ve been searching
for you’re entire life…
I
know I’ve shared the story about walking up to my mom’s door,
her opening the door, saying, “you’re
late.” And the tone of her voice was not kind.
Having my response being, “You were worried about me…
because you love me.” Then
we hugged, from that moment on, everything, truly everything
she said to me, what I heard was, I LOVE YOU… the shift was
enormous… I’ve been using every trick I know to make sure
to listen to Ian with
that same listening I used with Momma… knowing Ian truly love’s
me, God’s plan for us could not be denied… there’s a divine order to all of this,
While
watching a movie last night, a few thoughts came:
Do you look into the cracked mirror
of your dreams?
Who are we, but dreams after all…
Beware of what you dream for…
We are most alone when we are with
our myths… illusions…
Ian
returned from the healer on Wednesday night, it was around
midnight so we didn’t talk until the next
morning…
Wed.
night Barry called, {that’s where Ian and Jonne stayed} we
spoke for about an hour… he told me that I won’t believe what
Ian looks like, he went on to say, “when Ian arrived on Sunday,
he looked gray, near death, when he left, after three treatments,
he has color on his face, he looks, {with emphasis} healthy,
has more energy, and a new desire…
Jonne
climbed into bed with me, we talked for a while, telling her
how grateful I am that she was willing to be with Ian, giving
me a few days off,
Telling
her if I had a job, being a care taker, I would have a few
days off each week, other than going to 100 Mile for a few
days, I haven’t taken any time for me, please don’t listen
to this as a complaint, it’s not, I know that God’s energy
is feeding me, that I’m given what I need… having Jonne take
Ian, being with him, making his food, driving him to the healer
each day, I know that God sent her to me for this time…
Seeing
him on Thursday morning, there was a sparkly in his eyes,
an aliveness I hadn’t seen in months… a deeper knowing that
all there is for him to do is; Allow…
When
one lives with The Law of Allowing, everything, EVERYTHNG
falls into place… get out of the way,
GOD IS COMING THROUGH…
Ian
has the football game on, I looked over at the screen just
when six grown men piled up on top of one another, each one
after the same little ball, I started laughing, Am I the only
one that thinks this is funny?
Ian said, “It’s ok that you think it funny.” In deed, I’m ok with this being so humorous…
Spirit is lying by my feet, I looked down at him saying, “there
are thousands of people in the stands watching this game,
and there aren’t any dogs in those stands, lets’ see…
who’s the more intelligent beings here???
I’m
sorry I’m making fun of football,
it’s not ever been my sport… I’m more into tennis, volley
ball, street baseball… like that… it’s a good thing there are
so many choices…
I
feel as though there’s an entirely new set of thought patterns
going on since Herb has made his transition… not sure how
to put this into words, I just feel different…
“Herb,
I’m sending you love, light, peace, and much contentment…
I know you’ve chosen this path, you’ve made conscious choices
you’re entire life…
I
honor all of your choices, I feel blessed that we had those
months while you lived with us in Sedona, that my home was
comfortable for you, that we had those days where we would
sit in front of the fire place, have a cup of coffee, talk,
share stories, how you were always there to listen… I love
you Herb, you’re with the other angles now…”
IN LAK’ECH…
11TH September ’05 Sunday
The
anniversary ‘again’… there
are people out there that still believe that ‘terrorist’
caused the twin towers to crumble…
With
all the evidence pointing to our fearless leader as the
culprit, my mind is boggled…
Rain
drops on roses, crisp apple strudel, door bells and sleigh
bells, snitchel with noodles,
white paper packages wrapped up with string, these are a
few of my favorite things, when the dog barks, when the
bee stings, when I’m feelin’ sad, I simply remember my favorite
things, than I don’t feel so bad…
I’m
not sure how accurate these words to this song is, this
is what showed up for me this morning while Spirit and I
were on our walk, I think it’s from
The
Sound of Music…
Thinking
about times in my life that brought the most joy, a smile,
memories from my past, almost all of them are surrounded
by my children, and then when my grandchildren were in the
picture, wow, … One afternoon, two grandchildren were with
me, and their parents, my eldest son Ray, and Jo-e,
We
put music on, gave the children drums, we had drum’s rain
sticks, crankin the music, the sounds filled the room, it
was fantastic, when the song ended, Cole said, “Again, please,
again.” We must have
drummed for almost an hour, until everyone was exhausted…
Thanksgiving
is a special time for my family, this year might be the
first for us not being together… we’ll see… I’m not going
to think about that…
12th
September
The
other day I wrote about how when we’re told what we want
to hear, our heart is filled with love, joy, contentment…
then when we hear words that we don’t want to hear, there’s
upset, even anger, or fear…
Thich Nhat Hanh, in
his writing ‘No Death, No Fear’
If
you are committed to a particular notion of happiness, you
do not have much chance to be happy…
Thich Nhat Hanh has
spoken what I had put into so many words, he said so eloquently
in a few words… I love when what I had felt is confirmed,
I don’t really need confirmation,
yet, it feels good… When I read ‘Conversation with God’, books, again,
the confirmation was there, giving me my courage to move
forward, being how I saw myself growing up, was, not as
smart as my class mates… they would get good grades, while
I struggled… there were subjects that I excelled in, others
where I knew in my heart of hearts they were shoving lies
down my throat… History was the biggest lie, I wouldn’t
pay attention to what they were saying… oh well, so it goes…
Reading
this paragraph, thinking what a strange what to end what
my thought are… then thinking, what would it look like?
Ok,
so for now, I wish you love, love, love, love, endless love…
In
Lak’ech… Matty
25th September ’05 Sunday…
It
seems that I’ve run out of words… that what once felt
sooo important, the next moment
fades into obscurity…
I’m
actually happy about that… instead of writing, I’ve been
reading… I’ve read 14 books in the past three months…
some of them I’ve shared with you, others’ I really wouldn’t
bother, there were two I didn’t even finish reading, they
weren’t to my liking… so be it…
I
read an article about ‘Metabolism’… so, here’s what they
said;
Does obesity really
affect how we age?
{Since I’m 62,
I’ve seen and heard a lot about longevity, personally,
I plan on being her until I’m tired of being in a human
body, my choice, you can choose that also}
As we age, we tend
to notice a loss of muscle mass, strength, bone mass,
and energy potential.
Meanwhile, body
fat increases, skin wrinkles, mood changes occur, and
immunity declines.
New scientific research
is shedding light on why we age and how we may be able
to slow the process.
There
are numerous theories explaining the aging process; however,
most of these theories eventually come to the same conclusion:
Again is a process of accumulated damage to our genetic
blueprint, our DNA. If the DNA in on of your cells was to unwind
completely, it would stretch over one meter in length. However, it is tightly fitted into compact units
– DNA packages – called chromosomes.
Over
the last few years, longevity researchers have focused
their attention on the caps at the ends of these chromosomes,
called telomere gets a little shorter until cellular division
come to a halt. Once
a cell has run its full potential of cellular division,
it is referred to as a senescent (old) cell.
In
the aging process, the body becomes increasingly unable
to repair accumulated cell damage.
Cellular senescence may be one of the key causes
of aging, with telomere damage leading the way. Research presented in the Journal of the American Geriatric Society {August 2001} indicated that
telomere shortening is directly associated with accumulated
DNA damage and cellular aging.
According
to Dr. Judity Campisi,
a pioneer in the field of cell aging, senescent cells
don’t die once they stop dividing, but instead continue
to emit harmful proteins to neighboring cells, eventually
leading to their malfunction.
Research presented in the Journal
of Experimental Gerontology
{November
2001} showed that cells with dysfunctional telomeres could
contribute to cancer and aging, as telomeres are essential
for maintaining the integrity and stability of our genes.
It
is widely known that as we age, we often become more insulin
resistant. This condition and accumulated body fat can
also predispose people to cardiovascular disease and shorter
lifespan. The mechanisms behind this have not been well
understood – perhaps until now.
Research published in the journal Circulation
{May 2005} showed that increased insulin resistance
along with a higher body fat content results in greater
telomere shortening over time.
This study is the first to show tangible evidence
that insulin resistance and excess body fat lead to premature
aging.
A Little Help Along the Way
Aside
from the usual healthy weight-loss advice… follow a sensible
low-glycemic diet, exercise,
get plenty of sleep… supplementing with natural compound
called carnosine
{beta-alanylhistamine}
has shown promise when it comes to the health of your
telomeres. Research
in 2004 from the Chinese Academy of Sciences showed that when carnosine was added to a human cell culture, the cells showed
much slower telomere shortening and a greatly extended
lifespan…
Brad J. King
MS, MFS,
is a nutritional researcher and author of five
books, including the international best seller Fat Wars
(Wiley, 2004) Subscribe
to his free monthly newsletter at
www.fatwars.com
Knowledge
is power,
when used for the good of all, where almost
everyone benefits from the outcome, then we know we’re
on the right path…
We
would still be sitting in caves if it weren’t for those
who thought outside their cave
{aka box}… So, how far
deep into your cave are you sitting? There are those who
are afraid of change… they don’t want anything to change,
well, those few are in for a huge surprise… sorry, change
is happening no matter what anyone does, its natural,
Mother Nature has a way of being that is glorious, magical,
mysterious… enjoy it, treasure it, and mostly, LOVE it
all… when it’s raining, and you complain about the rain,
will it stop because you asked it to? And it’s not personal,
there’s no personal rain storm… trust me here, it’s the
truth… no-thing is personal…
You’ve chosen
this life, why in the world would you complain about it?
Take
care or yourself the way you would have wanted your mom
to take care of you, you have every right to treat yourself
the way you want to be treated… when your under the
weather, would you send your child out in the rain? NO,
you would make her soup, put a funny movie on for her
to watch, keep her warm, make sure she had enough water
to drink… you would check up on her constantly, or better
yet, sit with her the entire time…
Why
are you so cruel to yourself? Why would you abuse that
child? Why would you feed her junk food when you know
it’s killing her?
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
It’s time for all of us to WAKE
THE F____ UP…
Look
what it took for Ian to wake up… I know there are so many
of us that don’t get it until our lives are on the line… now, I call that insanity…
I
think I’ve shared my personal experience with insanity…
I flipped a half ton pick up truck… sure was an amazing
wake up call for me…
Well,
summer feels like it’s coming to an end… shorter days,
longer, colder nights… my dream, for as long as I can
remember, has been to follow the sun around the world…
being I love long, warm days…
the sun warms my heart and soul… I feel more alive,
more energetic… this is going to be the most interesting
winter I’ve ever experienced, why you ask… I’m in BC…
I grew up in Los Angeles… need I say more?
I don’t think so… even the five years I was in
Sedona, winters were wonderful, it would snow, yet by
noon or so, the snow melted… it sure was beautiful, the
snow on the red rocks… oh my gawd…
Well,
I know I can continue to ramble, yet, there’s really nothing
that’s making any sense at the moment… so… blessings…
In Lak’ech to all…
...........................................................................................................................................>>>
A Special Prayer... I've been saying this every time i walk
into the bath room, being i've posted it on the mirror...
Every day
in every way I am getting better and better and better,
my increasing powers are for serving humanity better...
I am in complete control over my senses and facilities
at every dimension of my mind... including the outer
sensing dimension, outer thought forms and creative abilities...
Thee End...
I would
want this to be posted, this is a powerful prayer, seems
to be changing my DNA...
More
to come soon---->>>>>
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