30th July ‘05
Movie,
‘The Human Stain’ Anthony
Hopkins ~ Nicole
Kidman
Tell
a lie long enough, it ‘will’ become your truth…
This
story ‘The Human Stain’ is playing with my emotions, anger, why?
An amazing story of deceit, how does one live their entire life
with a lie that’s so huge, to move through the world as if nothing
was wrong, it make the lie ok, holding this secret from the woman
that became his wife… it boggles my mind…
I
have this enormous judgment going on…
Lie’s and the liars that are speaking them… the U.S. sheltered
and protects itself from the truth by continuing the lie’s, laying
one on top of another… the saddest part are those who believe
the lie’s… they perpetuate the lie by living their lives as if
‘this is the truth’… enough…
Is
there something in my life that I’m not seeing? Why would
I be so upset? What’s hiding behind the curtain? Which curtain
is it hiding behind? I
don’t see any curtain, is there one? Come out,
come out where ever you are…
This
journey is all about freedom, its all about letting go, letting
go of everything, no attachments, none…
So,
what is this upset about? Being
upset is being attached, attached to the upset… that’s insane…
and it’s an illusion… it’s all an illusion…
My
body is relaxing, writing, getting the emotions out, giving a
voice to the emotions…
I’m
here to learn more about taking care of me, God will take care
of the rest…
I
continue to send Love, Love, Love, Love, healing Love… for the past couple of weeks, these words
continue to be recurring as my mantra, walking each morning, these
words come in song… The
Goddess of the Winged World assists me in sending this Love to
Eleanor, Ian, Jo-e, me, Spirit to the trees, the waters, the world,
the globe, the universe, the galaxy… Mother Earth, Grandfather
Sun… with no one left out… this is all we need to do, send Love,
Love, Love, Love, healing Love…
I
hope you’re feeling my love being sent to you, I’m sending it
now… Mi Vida…
11:25 p.m.
31st July ’05 35 more minutes, it will be the 1st of Aug…
Everything feels as though the ride is out of control, the wheels
fell of the track so there’s no way to control the forward motion… I know this is all how this journey is programmed,
written, and played out… I know the road is paved and clearly
marked, the illusion is just that, an illusion, it’s a Steven
King novel, when will it all end?
I’m
going to leave tomorrow, I need a few days just for me, I’m
going to
100
Mile House, Cory is a good friend, it’s an easy drive, about 3
or so hours from Salmon Arm… right now I feel like I’ve gotten
way over my head, there’s no one that can give me directions,
I’m free wheeling, black ice, breaks quit… I need my mom and dad,
I need to crawl into my daddys lap,
put my head on his chest, I need his arms around me, I need him
to tell me everything is alright, that he’ll always be here to
take care of me, I need to be his little girl, to feel safe, to
feel protected…
I’ve
been giving, I know I’m the only one that can fill me, yet, it
sure feels good when someone from outside {like daddy} that fills
my soul… I need to feed my soul…
I
don’t want to be all grown up, I don’t
want to be the care giver… I want someone to take care of me…
{I know this too shall pass, yet at this moment, I feel broken}
Now
there’s something going on with Spirits hind leg… I’m loosin
it, I can’t do this anymore…
Ian
is so thin, he looks like he just came
from the concentration camp… I
gave him my jeans, his were falling off of him, mine are a little
better, yet if I tugged, they would come right down..
he looks healthy, other than being thin, his color is good,
eyes clear… there are times when he cant swallow, I boiled raisins
and apple, blended them with steamed rice, added cinnamon, it
took hours for him to get an eight oz. glass down… at least he’s
getting a little more bulk, this morning I made oatmeal, blended
it into his morning shake of protean powder, greens, apple, banana,
pear, almond breeze, the deal is for him to be able to get it
down… some days are better than others…
1st
Aug.
The
drive to 100 Mile House was a marvelous experience… I left Salmon
Arm at 10:20
a.m. the air was cool, the
scent of pine permeated the air, I love driving with the windows
open, it was around 25c, or 80f…
Turning
onto Hwy 5, the trees grew taller, the air sweeter, a young man
had his thumb out, wearing a ski cap, a ring through his nose,
I felt a sweetness that had me stop,
“where ya headed?”
“Edmonton.” Well get in, I’m going to 100 Mile, so I can
take you as far on the 5 until I turn off onto the 24… “That’s
great, thanks, can I throw my bag in the back?”
For
the next hour we talked about living on the edge, taking risks,
I told him about the Mayan Calendar, what they gave us, what our
future will look like, I gave him a Calendar as a gift, he was
thrilled, telling me his mom will love this, he had been picking
cherry’s, telling me this was the first year he’s done this, and
knows that he will do this again next year… what a delightful
guy…
We
hugged goodbye, knowing we wouldn’t ever see one another, yet
the impact will always be there…
A
deer ran along side the road, her beauty fills my soul… further
down there was a heard of buffalo, their young staying as close
to mom as can be…
Three
hours, ten minutes later I pulled up in front of Cory’s house,
Taylor and Katrina were in the pool, Cory
was headed toward there just at the moment of my arrival… I went
with her, I didn’t go swimming, I have an issue with chlorine,
which I could smell from 20 feet away… within moments of being
out there, thunder struck,
some started leaving the pool, the sky was black, coming fast…
lightning… within another few minutes Cory and the children were
out of the pool, by the time it took to walk back to her house,
{about 30 seconds} the rain came, then huge hail stones… it only
lasted for about five or six minutes… then the blue sky reappeared…
wild…
Cory
has a standing Tuesday breakfast with Marilyn, I was invited,
I felt honored, being, Tuesday is THEIR
time…
2nd
Aug… Tuesday…
I
had been looking forward in meeting Marilyn, I’ve been hearing
about her for some time, Cory tells me how they really enjoy one
another, our emailing one another, keeping up to date with what’s
goin on…
Feeling
comfortable, leaving everything back in Salmon Arm, including
Spirit, oh my gawd, how free I felt, not to do anything for anyone
but me…
After
breakfast, we walked around town, went into the second hand shops,
I bought two pair of pants for $4.25… amazing, they’re beautiful…
and they have pockets, pants without pockets don’t make it into
my wardrobe…
Cory
took me to her friends farm, they have 160 acres, one full acre is designated veggie garden, we
walked up and down the isle eating green bean’s, then finding
the carrots, pulling them out of the ground, washing them, they
tasted as though they were dipped in sugar…
for desert, red currents…
They
have chickens, and goats… the best part, the land is right on
the lake…
That’s
what Ian and I want… land, right on a lake… we’ll find it… we
know this, its all in the plan… it is a divine plan after all…
5th
Aug… Friday
Black
Bear, Momma and baby deer, no they weren’t hangin out together,
they were on the same road, not close to each other… they were
near Arrow Lake, we went to check out 131 acres of land, with
100 k of beach front… fantastic… we want our community, we’ve
been looking ever since we got up to BC… This Is It… now we need
to get funded, and we can own it… this too shall show itself,
everything we’ve needed continues to show, so, this will also…
The
continued thoughts about Jo-e, her birthday tomorrow, not being
with her, my heart hurts, they’re going to Yosemite, going hiking,
I miss them so much, I don’t miss being in Los Angeles…
Daughter
Kelly called, Donny asked her to marry him, she’s so excited,
I’m so excited for her, she’s waited a long time for ‘The One’… they’re going to be moving to Chicago, Donny
has received his transfer papers, {not service, the company he
works for} they’re thrilled… My fathers
brother lived in Chicago, when I was 13, I went there with
my uncle, stayed with my cousins, they have two children that
are three and five years younger than I… Kelly is doing a search,
seeing if she can find them… if anyone knows them, please let
me know… my Uncle isn’t around, I don’t know if my first cousins
are, yet, their children should be… Uncle Dave Weber, his son’s…
Eddy and Al, Eddy’s wife Natalie, their children Andy and Ricky
Weber… they owned land on Lake Shore Dr… {if
that would help} the last time I had communicated with them was
about 30 years ago… If mom were around she would know where they
were, tears, can’t ask mom…
Linda Lay Shuler said;
“Time is a great circle; there
is no beginning, no end. All
returns again and again forever.”
6th
Aug.
Jo-e’s 40th B~day, I’m not
with her, 10:45 p.m.
Is
anything forever? Change is forever… Love is forever…
It’s
not your fault, no matter what, its no one’s fault… Life has its
way, we just ride the current, relax into it, be
with it, no struggle… peace comes from allowing, from being, from
Love… Being peaceful, content, accepting, honoring, acknowledging,
sharing, caring, being of service, helpful…
I
miss my family, I miss being with them, sharing thoughts, contributing
to one another, being with them…. Heart breaking tears shed, lonely,
missed hugs, laughter, grandchildren growing, learning from one
another…
7th
Aug.
On
my return this morning, The Goddess of the Winged World had her
two babies standing on the edge of their nest, she called to me,
making sure I looked up to see them. “They’re ready to leave,
aren’t they Goddess?” what is it about humans
that has it be so difficult when their children leave home, with
the Goddess, she encourages them out, pushing them to be on their
own, to fly, take wing, leave… Does the Goddess lack our human
emotion? There are those times when I truly want to be more like
my feathered friends… have it all be ok, have it be where my emotions
don’t take over, where I can look out there, know that this IS
THE WAY, this is how it’s supposed to be… that, we’re here, we
came to experience “This Human Condition”… yet, not have the ‘heart
break’… be more like the Goddess, enjoy for the time they’re in
my nest, then send them on their way… NO, that’s not going to
work, not for my family, I adore them, I cherish our time, I
choose to be with them… I know there are some who leave, I have
one son that I haven’t seen in a few years… he doesn’t see is
sisters, or brother… his choice… the sad part is he has four children,
the eldest, Hunter, who is 18, my first grandchild, I know him,
we’ve stayed in touch, not the others, that’s sad… and yet, it
is what it is…
Where one sees
risks, another sees opportunity…
8th
Aug…
The
Goddess of the Winged World’s babies are so sweet, one was perched
on a tree about 100 yards from her nest, she was talking to me
as I walked by, at first I only heard her, I told her I couldn’t
see her, she continued to talk, louder until I focused onto the
dead tree she was sitting on… then the Goddess flew over head,
making sure I saw her baby, being the proud momma, of course she
wanted me to acknowledge her creation…
I’m
feeling clearer today, the few
days that had me feel so out of control emotionally, I
feel I’ve come back to center… this is good… this is my life,
after all I’m
6/Sperpant … so,
no matter what I do, my life will always be on this intense roller
coaster…
Ian
is eating more, this is a good sign… he’s looking forward to having his life back… when
he feels strong he walks with me, he needs to move his body… yet,
he only walks when he feels strong, what can you do? Sleep, bummer…
little by little, day by day, he’s getting closer to having his
life be as it was, health wise…
His realizations, the clarity he’s experiencing, knowing that what
this is all about is finding that which has held him prisoner,
we all know these things, those whom have experienced near death,
know that their lives could never be how it had been…
FROM THE REV.
Dear
Ones,
Loving greetings to you.
God is good I tell you! Of this reality the all-knowing soul constantly
sings. That inner awareness
is a vibration where our prayer of gratitude for having been created
begins… The Lord, the great
Law of Life fulfilling Itself as us is building our consciousness
right now, even as you read this page…
Our state of consciousness is our “hone,” and, as we read
in
Psalms,
“Unless the Lord build the house, those who build it labor in
Vain.”
Let
us seek to surrender to the Lord and build inner castles that
fortify us against the onslaught of the limitations of the external
world. This requires that we place our attention—our
whole two eyes—on God… Let
us forsake mental excuses that seem so justified in taking us
away from our prayer and meditation time…
Rather, let us take full responsibility for our ability
to commune and cooperate with God’s vision for our life… As we
do so, we will see that we are becoming spiritually mature and
living a consecrated life… Then
prayer, meditation, spiritual study and service become our way
of life rather than a temporary lifestyle we use to manipulate
our world through spiritual vocabulary…
So let us consecrate our attention, focus, intention and
time to the holy presence of the Sacred… From a practical view alone this is spiritual
hygiene—an inner shower that insulates us from the temporal egoic
concerns of the material world…
May you bathe your consciousness in the Holy presence…
Peace and blessings,
Rev. Michael Bernard Beckwith, D.D.
Founder & Spiritual Director
Let us seek to surrender to the Lord and
build inner castles that fortify us against the onslaught of the
limitations of the external world.
Rev. Michael speaks about surrender, what
else is there? For me,
no-thing…
surrender, choosing, being with, allowing… isn’t that God speaking?
YES, for me, that’s what this life has been about, finding my
way through the muck and mire, through the haze/fog, little by
little the veil lifted allowing my vision to become clear, like
the first magnificent spring day, blue sky’s, white cotton candy
clouds…
I’ve
chosen this path, I’ve chosen every step of the way, NO ONE has
EVER made me do anything I didn’t choose to do… I cast NO blame
onto another…
Many
times I’ve directed my eyes elsewhere, when that happens, and
This Human, {me} takes over my castle, the frailty of my being
shows itself, then for sure I experience this life, this chosen
experience so that others can see me, when I sit elsewhere, there’s
no reflection of who I am… I’ve worked on that, it hadn’t worked,
it created havoc, especially with my children… when I would tell
them that everything was perfect, that everything was going according
to the divine plan… they didn’t want to have anything to do with
me, they didn’t see me as being, {as they say,} real…
when I broke down, wept, telling them that I had fear,
that what I was here for wasn’t clear, then they were able to
be with me, they could relate, being their world was such that
having everything be perfect wasn’t their reality…
I’ve
received communication from a few readers, telling me ‘I need
to get in touch with what my own gifts are and what I can do to
help the planet on my own… that someone else who has energy, money
and time to spare will come into Ian’s life. ‘
I
find this extraordinary… that another would know better than I
what I need… I thank her for her concern, and her time to write…
yet, without asking if I were interested in hearing her insights,
I feel how inappropriate this is… she doesn’t know me, she doesn’t
feel my heart beat, she hasn’t a clue as to why God gave me this
task… only I know…
THIS
IS MY TASK, THIS IS MY PATH, THIS IS WHAT I’VE CHOSEN…
MEDITATION AND
PRAYER
There
is only one
method
of spiritual
progress…practice
of
the
Presence of God
{No}
particular form
of
prayer is essential,
but…
there must be a
conscious
dwelling
upon
the Being of
God…
Emmet Fox,
Power Through
Constructive
Thinking
So many of the experiences and things of
the visible world clamor for our attention that sometimes we don’t
take the time to be still for daily meditation and prayer… We forget the unalterable fact that the experiences
and things of the visible world are always manifestations of the
invisible… Prayer and meditation
are the gateways to the invisible; the only ways we can realize
the invisible…
We get so caught up in the world of doing
that we sometimes forget why we are here on earth – to be creative
expressions of God; to
fulfill God’s will… How do we become privy to God’s will? By being still and listening… the most precious time we spend each day is
that time consciously spent in the Presence, restoring our souls,
invigorating our lives, allowing Life to flow through us, as us
– aligning ourselves with Life.
We bring ourselves into alignment with the
perfect pattern of Life… In our prayers, rather than trying to
influence God, we allow God to influence us… As we become still
and allow our minds to become avenues of awareness, we sense the
Presence… We listen and
say with Samuel, “Speak, Lord, They servant Hearth.”
Written by;
E. Christopher Howe
13th August, ‘05
What’s
left for us to do? What
more does God want? The
truth is, it doesn’t matter, what ever is wanted, or needed from
source, that’s what will be given…
After
reading Sylvia’s book, Destiny… everything feels different… how
you ask… calmer… it’s always been my judgment that had caused
my disharmony…
Without
judgment, what’s left? Harmony, contentment, bliss…
This
morning I noticed, for the first time in ages, that my body was
pain free… totally pain free… I must have been walking for about
five minutes before it dawned on me… I spoke to Spirit, telling
him, “Spirit, my body is pain free.”
Thank you God, thank you, oh my gawd, this is so huge,
bigger than big…
We
either find balance or misery… yup…
Ben
Franklin wrote in his POOL
RICHARDS Almanac;
That
‘Historians relate, not so much what is done, as what they would
have believed.’
Yes,
interpretation, isn’t it? I believe so… ask two children with
the same mom to describe their mom, you will most likely get two
view points, some so opposite that you wouldn’t know they were
talking about the same person…
That’s
how history is, look at ‘The Bible’… how many interpretations
are there? Who alive today was there when the bible was written?
Well, were you, I know I wasn’t there… so it’s a dogma that continues
through out history…
“When
you believe you are limited you no doubt believe others are limited,
as well… such beliefs are
mere illusions.”
Freedom
from illusion is one of Gods many treasures that is ours, if we
so choose… To dissolve illusion requires but a mere shift
in belief, but it is a shift one must choose to make… To come
to this choice one must accept that everything, everything one
believes within becomes manifest in the world without…
Forgiveness
through the Holy Spirit acknowledging there is no sin to forgive…
that justice shall be delivered without judgment
This
is it, God only knows Love, there’s no condition on Love, Love
IS
that’s all…
Sylvia
Clute’s book ~~~~~ DESTINY ~~~~~
The Seven Spiritual Principles
for Governing a People…
You will have to read her book
to get the principles…
I’ve
spoken about our New World, I’ve thought about how our world was going to be, what was it going
to look like? So many questions… no more,
The
seven principles left me with clarity, comfort, balance…
Here’s
her info just in case you hadn’t gotten it before:
Destiny
Sylvia
Clute
Published
by; Sunstar Publishing,
Fairfield,
Iowa
I
went on line to Amazon the other day, that’s where I got my copy…
the one I read wasn’t mine, and I NEED to have this to reference…
17th
Aug…
Amazing,
there was a storm last night, the thunder was so loud, Spirit
came over to sit on my lap, funny guy, this 130lb. dog sitting
on my lap, he wasn’t moving until the sounds stopped…
Before
the storm, Spirit and I started out for our evening walk, {we’ve
been walking to the lake almost every night, he plays in the water,
I sit on a rock}
So,
last night, Spirit came over to tell me it was time to walk, “Ok,
boy, we’ll see how far we get before the rain comes.”
It must have been three or four minutes… we ran home, I
was laughing, I could tell he was also… we came into the house,
stood by the open door, watching the rain, it was so thick I couldn’t
see the lake… nice…
More to come soon---->>>>>
