30th June ‘05
My
emotional roller coaster feels as though its fallen off the
tracks… at times totally out of control…
As
wise as I feel I am at times, there are those moments when my
inner being creates havoc to the extent where there’s no containment…
I’m
grateful to have these insights about how so many of us are
experiencing this evolution… whom among us are truly walking
their talk all the time, always… {always: with out exception}…
the light workers are close, yet the one’s in my life have their
human experiences… onward…
Many
years ago a dear friend said, “Madaline, when I think about
you, what I notice is, you’re in a walking meditation.”
What a wonderful experience for him, yet, in my reality,
this is what I’m striving for, I’m not sure this is possible
in our 3D world…
The
other day, Spirit and I were sitting outside experiencing the
cool breeze, wonderful, fragrances, hearing songs being sung
by the winged one’s… a Robin landed on the lawn, Spirit watched, lying
there with his paws crossed, the Robin dug up a worm, he started
walking across the lawn, Spirit watched, I’m watching Spirit
watch the bird, he flew across to the other end of the yard,
Spirit watched, when the bird flew into the tree, Spirit put
his head back down on top of his paws, then I put my attention
back to the lake…
My
humanness of having to ‘Do’ something all the time, what have
we done to ourselves?... are we human
Do~ingness, or human Be~ings…?
You choose…
My
Garden of Eden is getting closer…
We’ve
been scouting out land, places where we will create ‘Eden’…
Driving
from one territory to another, ‘Feeling’ the energy that comes
from standing on the land, what does it do? How does it feel?
Where does God want me to be? I know I’ll be told when the time/area
is right…
Beaton, BC… stepping out of the van, my entire body vibrated… the intensity
could not be ignored…
“They’re not intellectually dumb,
they’re emotionally numb…”mw
Listening to Bush talk about our young
men in uniform, that’s where this came from…
Some
people won’t even allow themselves to be happy… finding perfection
in everything they do is out of the question…
‘Life is hard, and that’s the way
it will always be.’
Oh my gawd, where did that kind
of thinking come from?
Truth
Hurts…
When
I’ve spoken the truth to another and the response that comes
back is a defense, then I know I’ve hit a nerve, a hot spot…
If I were to call you a slob, knowing full well that you’re
a neat person, then there wouldn’t
be ANY reaction… it’s the truth that makes us react…
Survival; continuance, the act of outliving another; act of outlasting; anything that comes down from earlier times…
Living; to be alive, exist;
to reside, to pass or
experience, as to live a good life; to put into practice, as
he lived what he taught…
So,
are we here to survive? Are we here to live? You choose… it
is up to you, you know that, you’ve always known that…
Cantadora… this word came to me a while back…
it’s a powerful word…
“Keeper of the Stories.” That’s me… the muse…
Here’s a sentence that doesn’t
serve anyone…
‘See, I told you that would
happen!’
Does
that make you feel superior, better then, standing above…
There
are so many statements that are made that no longer fit into
the New World… they can remain in 3D… they’re not welcome in
5D… leave them where they belong… and, please, don’t pass them
to the next generation… feed light and love to all… that’s what
Eden is all about…
We
know by now that we all have our own point of view… our personal
view point… each of us, with our personal view point has that
right… it’s imperative for the listener to accept what is being
said, remember ‘It is Their View Point.’ One reason you would
criticize their view point is it’s not matching yours… when
the two of you are looking at the blue sky, speaking about the
beauty, there’s harmony in that union… when one says, “it’s
cold in here.” As if it were cold for everyone
in the room… others in the room would
say, it’s not cold in here at all…
So,
what’s happened here, the room feels cold to me… oh, I don’t feel cold,
I feel comfortable…
the blanket statement that so many of us make, not even hearing
how we’ve spoken it…
ITS TIME TO START LISTENING
TO WHAT IS COMING OUT OF ONE’S MOUTH...
7th July, 2005 or… 7 ~
7 ~ 7
= 2 1
= 3
So,
we have 9/11… now we have 7/7/7 what’s next? Two
down, one to go…
Goddess of The Winged
World
Osprey
She’s
the size of an eagle, today her name came to me, Goddess of
The Winged World
The
Osprey build their nests on the top
of a dead tree… I’ve been told this nest has been in this tree
for a couple of years…
The
first time I saw her, Ian, Spirit and I were taking our morning
walk, Ian knew the name of this great bird, I hadn’t ever seen
nor heard of this majestic creature… her wing span is larger
than an eagle’s… she was carrying something in her beak, something
she was adding to her nest…
That
was eight days ago… that was Ian’s last walk, he’s been in too
much pain to walk, to much pain to do much of anything… he’s
following exactly what his body needs… rest…
When
we walk {Spirit and I are the we} to her nest, I talk to her,
today,
7
~ 7 ~ 7, while approaching
her nest, I said, “Goddess are you there?” she came out of her
nest, extended her wings, said, good morning back…
I
told her that I was given her full name… I feel honored to be
in your presence Goddess… I started to walk away, telling her
I would see her on our way back… as we moved down the road,
she flew over us, circled around, then went back to her perch
where she waited for us to talk more…
Returning
to the Goddess, she remained where we left one another a few
minutes ago, even though I didn’t see her when I approached,
when I called to her, she announced her self…
“Oh, there you are Goddess of the Winged World, thank
you for being here, thank you for talking with me.” I told her
how beautiful she is, that I pray that she will trust me enough
to come closer… I told her what a wonderful mom she is, that
I know how her babies are being taken care of… I’m leaving now,
I will see you tomorrow… “I love you.”
Returning
to Sarah’s, telling her about my connection with The Goddess,
then I told Ian, they were wow~ed…
I wept…
Sarah
and Tyhson had gone to the Fairy Conference at the end of June,
Sarah said, birds are regarded as superior intellect…
they’re very connected
to Mother Earth… the connection between birds and man can be
acknowledged as the source of oneness…
My
first pet was a bird, my sister had won it at the Pomona Fair,
that was when I was about 6 or 7… not sure, she threw a dime
onto a plate, and won a bird, I was standing next to her, she
said, “you can have it.” I was ecstatic… Pette, that’s what I named him… he lived for about 15 years…
I’ve had many birds since… parrots of all kinds…
8th
July,
Our
M/H is almost complete…
Coming
around the bend, The Goddess took flight, she came to greet
me, she was more talkative today… I told her how wonderful I felt
when I saw her, I said, “I’m going to walk on, and we could
talk more on my way back.” She
got louder… “Do you want me to stay?” she continued to talk,
lowering her voice, when she quieted, I said, “I’m leaving,
I will be back, I want to finishes my walk.” She lowered her
voice even more… “I love you Goddess of The Winged World.”
The
alien on Ian’s neck is opening, Tyhson saw it for the first
time today, he asked if the covering was coming off? No, that’s Ian’s skin…
the dressing gets changed every three days, so it’s not that
he hinds it, it’s that its covered, so what’s seen is the band
aid…
I’m
having to step up to the plate, this
is wearing me down, the whining, constant complaining… I know
he’s in pain, his words could be recorded,
and played on a loop… thank god for my book… I’m reading ‘The Shelters
of Stone’… Jean M. Auel… she’s the
author of The Clan of the Cave Bear… this is the fifth in the
on going story of the Earth’s Children… this one I’ve been waiting
to read for a couple of years… this one is 891 pages… my escape
into an altered dimension…
I
had to go somewhere, I had to remove myself from this energy,
it felt as though it were crushing my chest… it was around 6 p.m. I asked Spirit if he wanted to
walk with me, we went down to the lake, I felt peaceful, the
lake looked like glass… turning to leave after being there for,
I really don’t know how long… anyway, turning to leave, I looked
down, right at the tip of my shoe was a four leaf clover… Good
Luck… there aren’t many four leaf clovers, most are three leaf…
so, as a girl, it was established that a four leaf clover was
good luck… plucking it out of the ground, closing my eyes, feeling
more peaceful, I could go back, be with Ian, knowing that what
ever he is experiencing, isn’t mine, that I choose to take it
on, or be with what ever there is to be with… I really needed that… right before I left for
this walk, daughter Jo-e called to tell me that Eleanor had
a stroke… I met Eleanor about 30 years ago, she was my mentor,
my life’s guide, she saved my family, she’s my angel… she assisted
me in creating a foundation for my life which everything else
that exists sits on…
In
finding the four leaf clover, I knew she would be ok, she will
come out of this… she will be receiving my prayers until she
is fully recovered…
9th
July
The
Goddess wasn’t’ there this morning, her mate was keeping vigilance
over their nest. He looked down at me when I spoke to him, I
told him who I am and that his mate knows me, I told him I was
moving on & hopefully she would be back on my return…
He
hadn’t moved from the tree top, not the one she sits on, she
hadn’t returned… “Please tell the Goddess of the Winged World
that I missed her very much, and I look forward to seeing her
tomorrow…”
I’ve
been sad all day, the feeling of loss, feeling Eleanor, talking
to her through the vapors of time… “I love you Eleanor.”
There were tears streaming down my cheeks, I haven’t
wept in a while, felt good, strange to think that this deep
sadness filled with uncertainty could ultimately feel good…
How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Count The Ways
Ian’s
gone into labor, the alien is opening… Nai-s
{that’s Ian backwards,} Ian gave the alien this name… I pray
for a quick delivery…
10th July ‘05
She
was in her nest when I walked by, I said hello, she greeted
me but didn’t come out… I walked on… returning to Sarah’s she
asked if I had seen the Osprey, no, I hadn’t, not today… Sarah
said she saw her flying over with a fish she had caught, I suppose
she was feeding her young, that’s why she didn’t leave her nest
when I came by… I sure miss her & told her so…
Jo-e
left me a message telling me my prayers are being heard, Eleanor
is doing better, not out of the woods, still in intensive care,
yet she’s coming around…
Ian’s
talking about going to the hospital,
he’s so done with the pain… I listen, acknowledge what ever
it is that he wants… this is his life… I can’t imagine… sometimes
it feels like it has a life of it’s own, that this alien is
taking over, yet I know that’s really not true… he’s gotten
really thin, his rib’s are showing… yet he doesn’t look sickly,
he says he doesn’t feel sick, not like sick, sick, just the
pain that’s a constant reminder for him to stay quiet, stay
focused inward, yet not to put ALL his attention on Nai’s…
it’s challenging though, when the pain doesn’t give him a moment
of pleasure…amazing, he’s a champ, truly, I don’t think I could
handle what Ian’s handling… we’re growing from this experience,
that’s for sure…
11th
July,
About
100 yards away from The Goddess’s nest I started talking to
her, she responded, I’m so grateful, I hadn’t seen her for the
past 2 days…
Children’s
voices coming from the embankment, they reached the street where
I was walking by, they were followed by two men, dad’s I guess… I told them
about the Osprey nest, they asked how far it was, “just around
the nest turn.”
I
walked on, they followed, reaching ‘Her’ spot, I stopped, looking
up, telling her there are others here that want to meet her,
she doesn’t respond, a few moments or minutes later, she’s not
showing herself… the men and children walk back… I too walk
on… returning I say, “Please Goddess, I’ve missed you, would
you be willing to stand above your nest so I can see you?” I hadn’t taken my eyes off her nest, she emerges,
takes flight over me, circles, then land on ‘Her’ perch…
We
converse for a while, then her mate fly’s
over… “Goddess, your mate isn’t friendly towards me, yet he’s
doing his job, making sure to protect you.
I love you Goddess of The Winged World, see you tomorrow.”
13th
July,
She
didn’t respond to me, so I walked on, maybe you’ll be here when
I come back….
Walking
farther today, the air felt cool, refreshing, I’m feeling different
today, I stopped to take in my surrounding, the lake, trees,
sounds, the clouds are thick, soft grey, patches of blue sprinkled
everywhere… closing my eyes, the sun was exposed, the cloud
that was covering it moved… it warmed me, not that it’s cold,
the air is perfect for me… I’m wearing a summer tee shirt, no
sleeves… the sun’s reflection off the lake is so intense I look
away, it forces my eyes to shut…
Feeling
tears streaming down my cheeks, recognizing God’s presence everywhere,
my body filled with Grandfathers radiant sun, Mother Earth wrapped
her loving arms around me… oh, I am blessed…
A
truck wized by bringing me back to
this 3D world…
Spirit
waited patiently, “Come Spirit, I love you.”
I
heard The Goddess before I saw her, coming around the bend seeing
her nest, She took flight, she flew right over me swooping down closer
to me then at any other time, maybe 15 feet about my head, my
body vibrated, tears fell, Mother wept with me, rain drops…
Goddess landed on her perch, she had a lot to say today, I was
so filled with God essence, words were
inconsequential…
“I love you Goddess of The Winged World, I love
you.”
There’s
a continuing deepening of my ‘Beingness’.. this body that I chose, this journey
that I’ve chosen… oh my gawd, what a journey it is…
Seeing
how I had been hypnotized, ‘brain washed’ to belief certain
ways of being, certain ways of communicating, listening, watching,
all the senses that are gifted to me, now I see how insane I’ve
been, to believe that I could be right while another could be
wrong.
In
the New World, there is one emotion, and one
word… The word is YES…
The
Emotion is LOVE… No~thing
else exists…
14th July '05
Approaching
'The Goddess' nest, seeing her mate high up on his perch, hoping
she was there as well, She must have heard me, she called to
me, even though I didn't see her, she raised up from her nest,
spread her wings, then took flight, circling over me… She
landed in the same tree as her mate, we commiserated for a few
moments, then she took flight once again, circled over me twice
then landed in a different tree…
Dream;
I gave birth to a baby girl, she was so beautiful… sitting
up in bed, she was cradled in my arms as she was nursing…
then she had grown, she was talking in full sentences…
Then she was almost as tall as me… it all felt so normal…
that's all I remember…
15th
July
7;30
am… cool, drizzly day… The Goddess was sitting on
her perch waiting for me, I started talking to her way before
I arrived to her nest spot, I asked her to assist me in sending
healing energy to Eleanor & Ian… I asked for Eleanor
to have her speech back, and her ability to walk, using the
right side of her body… Jo-e said when she spoke with her,
she couldn't understand a word that she said, she wept while
telling me about her interaction with Eleanor… she so wanted
to be understood, yet the words weren't coming out clear…
being she's right handed, she's never learned to write with
her left, and now her entire right side is paralyzed…so,
thinking about having her write what she wants to get across
won't work…
For Ian,
I asked for this process to accelerate, watching him, being
witness to this pain he's constantly in is over whelming…
{That's where the allowing comes in} Ian removed the patch this
morning, the bottom is opening & the center core is opening,
its oozing, not dripping, yet, it is definitely oozing…
it might be another week before it opens completely so the tumors
will come out…
He didn't
sleep at all last night… we sleep in different rooms, we've
chosen not to sleep together… neither one of us are sleeping
well, so it's best that we remove our selves from the collective
energy field…
Gongaji
said; "Vigilance is the willingness to freefall through
all illusion."
FREEDOM
Written by;
Patricia Ann Dotzler
It was
3:00 am July 4th & I lay in bed listening to the mockingbird
take no thought for the silence of slumber. Trilling its 90-song
medley with the gusto of a final performance, I cheered, Bravo!
It was loud, clear & amazingly beautiful. Hearing the freedom
in its exquisite song was more than worth the loss of sleep.
What
is it in Life that grants us this degree of freedom? The depth
& intensity of "humanness" seems to throw itself
up like a barrier to anything even slightly resembling freedom.
Caught in a sticky web of illusion the unfailing principle,
God is all there is, provides release from that which binds.
When I embody that Truth & be It moment to moment, I experience
Life without being bond by the interpretation of what I see
or by naming it real. I can be human & simultaneously respond
to Life's occurrences as a child of God, being peace, being
prosperity, being health. When I bump up against my humanness
in a snag of fear or upset, remembering the Truth allows me
to embrace my humanity & gently and lovingly proceed through
this passage; for even what I name 'good' passes. The "willingness
to free-fall through the illusion" calls for mindfulness
& the strength to stand on Who I Am.
Those
times when I lived in a swirl of illusion were desperate &
lonely times, grasping for Light while clinging to the past
does not grant passage from the darkness. Only complete surrender
& the willingness to do the work can begin the healing process.
While I know there is no 'perfect' humanness, I am unequivocally
certain that freedom is possible with willingness & vigilance.
As I continue to clear the vessel of all errors in thinking,
freedom pours through me in ever greater measure. Standing unmoved
& unmovable in Truth, I am free including & embracing
my humanity.
I am
surrounded, imbued & infused with Pure Light
Freedom pours through me & emanates from me
as the Diving Expression of all that I Am…
How much of Life is an illusion? What are you willing to look
at?
Truth Hurts
So, when I've looked deep within & felt pain, wanting 'it'
to leave, yet what occurs is, it persists, why? Because I'm
giving it energy, I'm giving it all of my attention, rather
than excepting what IS… 'Allowing' it to be… it will
continue to persist, to release that persistence is the allowance,
going through the eye of the needle… a new portal. Having
my heart open wider, truly there's no reason to keep one's heart
closed…
I release
and I let go, I let the spirit run my life, my
Heart is open wide, for I'm only here for God…
No more
struggle, no more strife, with my faith I see
The light, I am free in the spirit, I am
Only here for God…
16th
July,
Sense
& Simplicity
The Goddess
of The Winged World & her mate were sitting in the near
by tree, they stay quit close to their nest…
She heard me coming, calling to me, we chatted for a few moments,
I thanked her for sending her healing energy to Ian & Eleanor…
The 'plug'
on Ian's neck is opening, this is the most amazing formula,
I don't know what to call this… Sarah said, "It looks
like when you cut a branch off of a tree." There's a visual
for ya… the pain doesn't let up, last night when his throat
closed, and he could only breath out of his nose, he was frightened,
scared was the word he used…he was talking about going
to the hospital… he asked me what I thought, I told him
that I'm here to be in agreement with his choices… what
ever he needs to do…
So, he's able to breath once again, and going to the hospital
is not going to happen, not now… hopefully not ever…
he's been experiencing something so out of the norm, and with
out having someone who's experienced this to guide him, we're
in the dark…
I walked
farther today, needing to clear my head/soul… talking out
loud as I was walking amongst the beauty that I'm surrounded
by, I repeated the word 'allowing'… it's up to me to be
in the only mind set of 'allowing'… I'm no one's judge
or jury… not even my own…
Our expression
is just that, The individual has their point of view, therefore
its up to the listener to acknowledge/allow them to have their
view point with out being criticized by the listener, to be
just that 'The Listener'
"Zip your lip, open your heart."
Walking
back toward the Goddess, she came to meet me, I felt her saying,
"You were gone longer then other times, I came to check
on you." She circled twice, than slowed down her flight
for her to stay close to my walking speed… she took off,
landing in her nest, then she took off again, once more she
circled around me… I told her how grateful I am to have
her love & for me giving her my love in return…
Reality
of freedom, the illusion of freedom
We die only once… for such a long time…
An unexamined Life
isn’t a Life worth Living…
See what’s invisible,
and you’ll know what to write
17th July ‘05
“Nothing Last forever
but the Earth and Sky, all we are is dust in the Wind”
I don’t know who
wrote this,
Kansas sung it
18th July
Beautiful butterfly sitting in
the middle of the road, not knowing if she were alive, bending
down to take a closer look, yes, she’s alive, I picked her
up, her wings fluttered, “It’s ok little on, here you will
be safe.” I put her on the side of the road, onto a branch
of a small tree… I wished her well as I walked away… looking
forward to my meeting with The Goddess of the Winged World,
her sweet song greeting me, she flew with me for a while,
oh, how she fills my heart…
A few moments later, the beautiful
butterfly circled around me, letting me know that she was
fine and thanked me, she reappeared on my return…
Just then a burning/pressure came
upon me, my chest was on fire, for the first time I was frightened,
I’ve had these episodes for many years, never as intense as
this… my brother, father and mother died of heart failure… I’ve been told by
doctors to be aware of my activities…
In the past I’ve been able to breath these sensations away, not this time… I was about seven
minutes away from home, “would I make it? I don’t have any
I.D. on me, Spirit has my cell # on his tag… I suppose I should carry
some I.D. when I walk…
A couple of days ago the thought
came to me to have Ian know how to feed Spirit, being he’s
on this raw food way of eating, I’m the only one that takes
care of his needs… I let that pass, until today… I thought
about writing a letter to my children… daughter Jo-e has told
me time and time again that I better not leave, that she would
come often me, find me know matter where I am… I’ve reassured
her that I won’t leave, there so much more for me to do, and
I want to watch my grandchildren grow… they’re amazing people…
Returning to Sarah’s, telling Ian
what occurred, asking him to come into the kitchen so he can
see how I prepare Spirit’s food… “the
pain in my chest was much more intense than I’ve ever experienced.”
As I was sharing what was going on.
Tears were streaming down my face… Ian took me in his
arms, telling me that I wasn’t going anywhere… ok, the pressure
lasted for about ten minutes, seemed like hours…
Dream;
I felt something floating in my
mouth, reaching for it, knowing before I took it out that
it was a filling, then another, there were three that fell
into my mouth… wow, this is weird, I wanted the amalgam out,
I didn’t know it could happen like this… end of dream
Ian asked if I had any more cards
to play, I said, no, I didn’t see where I could muster up
any more energy for life, there was an emptiness within that
I had felt years ago while I was still married, that was more
than 20 years ago… I felt empty, not who I believed I had
always been… where had I gone? Could I find me again? So many
questions, at this moment, NO answers…
My head felt like it was in a vise,
almost as if it weren’t mine, so strange, it felt as though
there was a cap sitting at the base of my skull, pressure
all the way down to my jaw… sharing these feeling with Ian,
he started describing what I was feeling before I could speak
them, he said, “this is exactly what was going on in my body
a few days ago, I think some dark energy is attaching us,
I really believe that, and I ended up with this.” He pointed
to his neck… we sat holding one another, tears from us filled
the space, we spoke about our future, our Hobbit House, having
chickens, rabbits, goats, growing our own food… a quiet life…
this has been and continues to be the most outrageous test
of my entire life…
I’m grateful to be in Canada, to have people/family here… it’s magical
I’ve released all the pressure
that had been building up inside, I’ve released any and all
outside thoughts that were holding me captive, that caused
me pain… and yet, this human condition that I don’t want to
get away from will continue to bring human thoughts, I know
for sure I am alive…
Ian comforting me was huge, I’m
grateful…
20th July
Sleeping under the pyramid for
the 2nd night, amazing… I slept a solid 7 hours,
I can’t remember the last time I slept through the night…
I feel like a new person, I know a lot of {this new me} this
has to do with the new connection that occurred with Ian and
I, our talk about our future… the beauty about my belief system
is, everything is open to change at any moment, then that
becomes my new reality until something new shows up…
each day is ‘The’ new adventure, each day brings
new found understanding, my truth is, the only thing that’s
count~on~able is
C H A N G E
I shared this with Ian, about not
holding onto our conversation we had yesterday, that we’re
open for what ever change comes, as long as we continue to
stay open, and our communication is clear… he took my hand,
said, “I love you Madaline.” I smiled, “I love you, Ian.”
21st July
Many years ago daughter Jo-e asked
me why her father and I went our separate ways, she said she
had asked him, and he said, “because my business when under
and we didn’t have any money…” WOW, “Is that true mom?” “Not
from my point of view, we were young, and our communication
was limited, we didn’t know how to complete issues, I’ve often
wondered how different our lives would be if I/we knew how
to communicate the way I do today.” She said, I can see that…
he’s a good man Jo-e, we just didn’t have a way to settle
things… we’re learning all the time… I’m grateful for you
dad, look what I’ve got, YOU, my precious girl…
Eleanor was my ground breaking
road to who I am today… it was about five years after I had
been with Eleanor that my dear momma said. “When are you going
to stop going to Eleanor, you’re a smart girl.” I smiled at
her, taking in her acknowledgment, thanking her… “Mom, this
is how I see being with Eleanor, she’s my library for my life,
when I have a question and really want an answer, I find someone,
or a book somewhere within those places lies the answer I’m
looking for, Eleanor is my library for my soul.”
I asked mom if that made sense, she said yes… Good,
I think there might have been a little jealousy, that as my
mom, I should have come to her, this is the first time I thought
this…:
It’s 7:30 a.m., Ian is sleeping, he opened his eyes a few moments ago, he hadn’t
slept much, the pain keeps him awake, Nai-s
is growing, its sticking of his neck about 1/2 in., yet still
attached… when the process is complete he will post the pic’s…
if I weren’t witness to this, I’m not sure I would believe
it, that’s how alien it looks… please keep sending prayers,
he’s a trooper, I can see why others would quit, the pain
is over the top, it would be like {for women} being in hard
labor for five weeks…..
NO…
Approaching The Goddess’ nest,
hearing her sweet voice, yet when I was close enough to see
her nest, she didn’t show herself, I walked on… returning,
she was sitting on the edge of her nest, talking away, I asked
her to fly with me, she spread her wings, took to the sky,
circled around me once, then back to her perch… “Thank you
my sweet Goddess, thank you for supporting me on this journey,
and for sending healing energy to Ian and Eleanor…” a women
came toward me with her black lab, at that moment The Goddess
stopped talking… amazing…
The moon felt full last night even
though tonight IS the full moon, Ian felt the moon’s energy
pulling on his neck, oh my gawd, tonight might be more intense…
23rd July
There were a number of vehicles
parked across the road from The Goddess’ nest, she said, “I’m
here.” Yet, she didn’t come out for me to see her,
she’s not fond of having so much energy near her… I walked
on, returning, I heard her, we were far from her nest, “Where
are you Goddess.” “Right here.” Following her voice, she was
nestled in a tree across the road… “Oh my beautiful Goddess,
thank you for coming.” She took flight, I couldn’t see where
she landed, I’m so enthralled with her, and our connection…
When I walk, I’m mostly looking
upward, there’s so much more activity going on in the trees,
today I saw an eagle, he had a rabbit hanging from the branch
he was sitting on… what a sight…
24th July
Looking at the clock it was 8:10 a.m. I slept in, this is marvelous…
August 6th 1965, my
beautiful daughter entered the world, her presence brought
more joy into my life than any other experience I can remember…
What an miraculous gift she continues to be… her passion for
life exceeds any and all other possessions that for another
might have ended in tragedy… her insights about our ‘human’
condition, her modes of life, communication, her ability to
reach beyond what lie’s on the surface, to go where no man
has gone before… she’s remarkable, a committed friend, partner,
mom, daughter…
It’s difficult to fathom that my
3rd child will have completed her 40th
rotation around the sun…
When was the last time you thought
about your childhood dreams? There were no limits, you expect
the unexpected, you believed in magic…
Then one day you grew older, did
your dreams shatter? The innocence we lived with, the thought
that mom and dad would live forever {for me, that was how
I wanted it, to have mom and dad always be here with/for me}
There’s a ‘new’ reality that gets formed, covering
the childhood dreams with this ‘illusion’ we call ‘Have to.’…
‘I have to go to work to pay the bills.’ Oh my gawd, what
have we done? When did we stop believing in ourselves? Why
we allow facts and figures and anything but dreams rule our
lives? Go back to the time when your innocent child KNEW the
truth, the truth is, nothing is impossible… NO-THING… remember
that… what makes it impossible, your mind telling you, and
you believe it… be with that for a while…
Sweet Potato has taken over where
it was once tuna … steamed, mashed with sweet butter and maple
syrup… yeah baby, that’s the ticket…
Tonight I asked Ian if he wanted
to take a bite, he put the smallest spoonful in his mouth,
it took so much energy for him to move it around, then swallow,
he said, not worth it, hurts way to much… the next bite I
took, I paid attention to how my tongue played the BIGGEST
part in moving the food around until I swallowed… wild, he
hasn’t eaten solid food since the beginning of April when
he started his ozone treatments…
Fear leads to the dark side…
Quiet your mind, that’s the only
time you can hear any truth…
Your focus determines your reality…
James Joyce said, “Mistakes are
the portals of discovery.”
26th July
The birth occurred this morning
9:30m oh my gawd, it is 2in. in diameter… the new skin is
pink, healthy looking…
Like giving birth, the pain doesn’t
leave just because the baby has came,
we’re onto the next process…
A few days ago, Ian asked me when
I thought this alien would come out, I said, three to five
days… that was three days ago…
There will be pic’s posted… hope you have a strong stomach… the mending
will take about three weeks, each day will lead to the next
so he will have his voice back and his tongue… he’s looking
forward to eating…
This morning The Goddess’ baby’s
sang to me… my cheeks hurt from smiling…
Jonne called, she woke up this
morning knowing something was up… Son Ray felt it, Fred from
Sedona called, he saw it in his meditation that today was the day…
Mike Shore had a dream last
night…
Well, were off to the next adventure…
Mi Vida…………………..
Thank you, everyone… your prayers
mean so much to me… one day we’ll have a group hug… or one
on one… I would love that…
As soon as Ian feels up to driving
the M/H we will head for Kaslo…
maybe next week… I’ll let you know…
Peace Be With You Always…
