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The Galactic Butterfly


Matty's Journal

May 2013



Good News Channel   (part 3)

 

There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly.
- Buckminster Fuller -

Day 17,  the new moon last night completed it's cycle, grateful Am I,  calming down with Mother Earth,  still feeling these 'jittery'  sensations going on in 'body'. . . 

I was reading my last journal entry to Melanie, feeling tears streaming down my cheeks.  I don't look for 'why',  everything is accepted with grace and ease.  All emotions are an expression from Source, acceptance is the gift 'I ' share with Source.
Pure Consciousness

 
I have been and still am a seeker, but I have

ceased to question stars and books;
I have begun to listen to the teaching my
blood whispers to me.

- Hermann Hesse -

 

Day 18    1/Sun . . .    Ian's energy for the next 13 days.  OK,  bring it on, what ever Source desires for me to experience, my heart is open to it all. 

Woke this morning with  feeling  a physical sensation, an  acceleration pushing  through me as if the 'I' didn't exist.   Arms trembling more then they had been.  Feeling as the day progresses, this vibration subsides.  This is good.

1Each morning I hand write in my journal, feels right to 'note' how I'm experiencing/feeling what is here.
We ( Gary, Melanie & I) had been talking about Gary's mom, today, the 10th of May, Millie has completed her 93rd revolution around the Sun.  Millie's mind is sharp, she's an avid reader, does cross word puzzles.  This is the quality that Source is presenting to her, and all of us. She is the gift to show me that judging how one's chosen quality of life has nothing to do with me.  I spoke with her about her life here in Arizona, coming from California, she's a brave soul, being uprooted from her home to come here to be with her son, Gary is a full time care taker,  he's amazing himself, and the rest of us.  She's been her 5 days, she said,  “I could live here.”  good, this is your new home.

The eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility.
- Albert Einstein -



1Body is stronger by the day, of course I'm thrilled, my emotional body continues to have a mind of it's own. Trips me out, I find this all so comical.  Taking anything personally is an illusion, so,  what's the point???  I'm writing this wonderful story, when/if  an issue arrives that has my body react in a way that there's movements that I pay attention to,  this is where I put a 'label' to these feelings, that  'doesn't feel good,'  checking into 'this' energy, there are times when I recognize quickly the 'doesn't feel good,'  I I watch it, there are times when 'this' feeling lasts for hours.  I find myself sitting in the Sun, meditating, witnessing all of it.  Consciousness shifts constantly, no struggle, no strife,  with my faith I see the light, I am free in the Spirit, I am only here for god.  

Melanie and I went into Sedona today, preparing for Millie's 93rd birthday party.  When asked what she wanted for her birthday dinner she said, “stake and carrot cake.”  Easy.

Sedona is 17 miles from where we live, shopping for items our little town doesn't carry.  A gluten free carrot cake mix that Melanie makes, adding raisins and carrots. Yummy.

 Three of our adopted grandchildren came to celebrate 'our elder'.   Beautiful, magical,  Millie was in awe, then her gifts,  Katie had brought her a happy birthday crown. She wore it,  sooo precious.  Lorna & Jude came bearing gifts, they are having a baby, I inserted her pic last letter.  It's good the house is on a solid  foundation, we would  have levitated for sure.

I drove 40 miles round trip, this is the second time in over two months that I've driven, felt 'normal', (what ever normal means)  'body' worn down. Good, looking forward to a grand nights sleep.

Day 19  2/crocodile      11 May.........  woke feeling so much energy. I know when this energy presents itself, I will use it.  The house is  tiled, easy to maintain.  I washed my bedroom and bathroom floors.  Then I wanted to rearrange the kitchen cupboards. I asked Gary to assist. He pulled things out of three cupboards, looking to see how to create this so everything is user friendly.   Body decided it wasn't going to cooperate, my breathing became labored, had to sit. My emotions were over the top, tears flowing.  Well, that was all the energy for the day.  Listening closely to what 'body' desires, as long as I stay out of the way, (listen to my heart) I stay balanced.


Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. The ability to direct individual accomplishments toward organizational objectives. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.

- Andrew Carnegie -

 

Day 20,  Mother's day, connecting with my children, having magnificent conversations with them, I feel as though I'm sitting on a cloud of angel dust.  Heavenly. 

Well,  thinking about 'body', thinking about all these experiences, and writing them, it's time to release this segment of this adventure.  All will present itself, will show me, guide me to everything on this divine orchestrated road.   
Our plans to have brunch on the patio was thwarted, our beloved soul brother Ran called to say he couldn't breath,  Goddesses to the Rescue took him  to the VA in Prescott, an hour's drive.   he's a Vet, has truly been thru the trenches, places where no man had gone before him.  He's a precious soul, brilliant mind with electronics, mathematics's, he built a colloidal silver machine for me, the extent of his knowledge is way over my way of comprehending,  he see's in his minds eye, then creates it.  Awesome. 

 Magnificent drive thru the canyon, the sky filled with white puffy clouds, trees in full spring bloom.  I drove there, when we reached the VA, I heard;  “you are not to be a hero, the only one you're to be a hero for is self.”
I turned the driving over to Melanie.  Ron will be staying for a week.  We will pick him up, they're marvelous care takers for Ron. They get him back on his feet.  He will feel great for a couple of months, then it starts all over again.  I thank him for choosing this life so I can be present to the wonder of his mind. (I said this to myself.)

Moon showed herself around 8ish,  went out to do Qigong, I was one with the universe.  Melanie and Gary came outside, we did an exercise I hadn't done in months being my arms had continued to have it's say and restrictions around 'arms' movements.  I did the entire exercise, felt good.

Day 21, 'Arm's feeling it this morning for the Qigong #3,  the 4th is the one I've been doing. I'm  finding my way around all these 'new' expressions 'body' is presenting , I surely used up my supply yesterday, this morning 'body,'  'arms'  felt as though I were carrying around 10lbs of weight.

This is a quiet, restful day.  Grateful that my awareness is so clear.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

the way you translate the outer conditions into inner experience, that’s what really matters, because your inner state of mind can easily override and eclipse the outer condition. That means that you can be miserable when everything seems to be fantastic outside, you know you are in a kind of little paradise, and yet you are completely depressed and you’ll feel so terrible within. And then on the opposite [side], you can be full of joie de vivre, the sense that every moment is valuable and is worth living, even in the face of adversity or circumstances that people priorly would not wish for. That is key!

Mattieu Ricard: Happiness Is A Skill

Being 'ones' Word and Ethic's is synonymous from my point of view.  Being in harmony with the Divine is recognized when I speak 'truth', my truth, how do I know what my 'truth' is?  My heart resonates in perfect harmony with Source.  When I was a little girl, I would ask 'Daddy'  to promise when I asked him for something, he would say; “I will not promise, my word is my bond.”  all of my life he lived by his word, almost all of my life I've lived by my word.  If a situation arises that has me need to alter plans,  I will communicate with whomever to create a new time that works for the two of us.  Being in communication, keeping my word allows me to continue my journey with a clear heart, clear thinking, pure love.

There are rewards and consequences to actions taken, I've witnessed those who hadn't been their word, they wonder why their life is a constant struggle. 

 

1From Goethe's "The Awakening of Epimenides, Act II, Scene 4:
SPIRITS: Though he who has boldly risen from the abyss Through an iron will and cunning May conquer half the world, Yet to the abyss he must return. Already a terrible fear has seized him; In vain he will resist! And all who still stand with him Must perish in his fall 

HOPE: Now I find my good men Are gathered in the night, To wait in silence, not to sleep. And the glorious word of liberty They whisper and murmur, Till in unaccustomed strangeness, On the steps of our temple Once again in delight they cry: Freedom! Freedom!        
                                               
" "The wise man is therefore angular, though he does not injure others: he has sharp corners, though he does not harm; he is upright but not gruff. He is clear-minded, but he does not try to be brilliant." - Lao Tzu 

Being humble, surrendering to the Divine, allowing all to express itself at will.  6/Serpent,   my Mayan Birthday, a day of celebration, witnessing 'body' continue to have it's own agenda.  My mind is frustrated, wanting to move along,  I hear;  “get on with it.” I ask; what does that mean?  “stop putting your attention on 'body', be one with all that surrounds you, patience, all will appear  perfectly.”  seems like a test between 'body' & 'mind'. . .

 "Whoever undertakes to rule the kingdom and to shape it according to his whim - I foresee that he will fail to reach his goal. That is all. " "The kingdom is a living being. It cannot be constructed, in truth! He who tries to manipulate it will spoil it, he who tries to put it under his power will lose it. " "Therefore: Some creatures go out in front, others follow, some have warm breath, others cold, some are strong, some weak, some attain abundance, other succumb. " "The wise man will accordingly forswear excess, he will avoid arrogance and not overreach." - Lao Tzu

I'm asking for your prayers, that my physical heart heals, I had a second experience with having my heart let me know that there's something there that must be put on the top of the priority list.
Blessings,    Love,   Love,   Love
 



Good News Channel   (part 2)

13/ Transformer

Day four, this adventure continues. Wondering how a person feels when they come out of a coma. These sensations I'm feeling are foreign movements in my body, a slight trembling that is constant.  Taking 10 mm of prednisone, this kept the pain at bay, (thrilled) the heaviness remains, this is good, being it is keeping me from exerting my body, not forcing it to do things that would trigger 'pain'.

Sleep, fitful, continuing this process to discover my balance.
  
Dream;  Walking thru a field of tall grass, right below my knee, sky magical shade of blue, smelling the fresh grass, I continued my walk, the earth felt wet, muddy, I continued, it was getting muddier, my foot slipped out from under me, I was on the ground, on my back, first response, 'yuk'...  taking a deep breath, relaxing into the sweet softness of the wet earth, feeling Mother embracing me.  End.

In my dream book,  Written by; Kelly Sullivan Walden,   " Mud; Dreams of mud signify hopelessness and despair, and that you are stuck  i n old, outworn habits.  Keep in mind that in the darkest mud the lotus flower, which symbolizes the wisdom, compassion, and transformation gained through facing your deepest and darkest fears."

My deepest, darkest fears are that I would loose my ability to take care of myself.  I found comfort while facing this fear, I have an amazing support team here, Melanie, Goddess to the Rescue.  Allowing others to receive gifts of giving. To deny their right could put a huge wedge in-between  us.  Receiving had been one huge challenge for me, I know I'm a generous giver, now to keep all in balance, being a generous receiver, and asking for help.

We can't be useful to ourselves unless we're useful to others. Whether we like it or not, we're all connected, and it is unthinkable to be happy all by oneself. Anyone concerned only by his own well-being will suffer eventually. Anyone concerned with the well-being of others takes care of himself without even thinking about it. Even if we decide to remain selfish, let us be intelligently selfish - let us help others.
Dalai Lama

I love this time of year, the colors, the spring energy, love fills the air, fills every crevices of my body.
Melanie is a master in her garden,  she has 25 rose bushes, she knows the names of each one of them.  We make Rose Water, wow, fill my mouth with the rose water,  swallow slowly,  eyes closed, heavenly.  I put up a jug of Rose Water on the full moon...........DOUBLE WOW........
the first time I put up Moon Beam  Rose water was in 2005, at Serah and Tyhson's  in B.C.  I so love you.  The two of you fill my heart. You are my blessed beloved family.

1Here's something else I find interesting;  I can sit at the computer for 10 maybe 15 min.  Then I walk around for longer periods of time,  sit in the sun, meditate, then I can sit at my computer for another 10 or 15 min.
Totally fascinating.     

 

 

Thoughts fly in, sometimes I catch them, this is a good one;   
1                         Bashar spoke; 
            “Circumstances Don't Matter”    
                                         only
                 State of Being Matters.”       
circumstances don't (matter), matter in this statement is  substance.  all energy resides in matter.                                                                                                   
 
“We, all whom we've called human beings are pure consciousness.   Consciousness/Love, resonate from
Mother Earths Womb.”  mw

 

Balance is the key, asking 'body' what it desires, what to put in, what comes out.  I'm blessed being I know me, others can say what they believe, (the DR.s) yet, I am the only one inside here,  how could they know, it's an educated/uneducated guess. 
As I write this I am on day 9 with prednisone, upped the dosage to 15 mm. what had been 'normal' or what I had called normal has taken on a life of its own.  My mind and body are in harmony, no more battle. T.G.   Daughter Jo-e told me some time ago, “humans make plans,  God laughs.”

1The gift I give myself is to 'not' be attached to what I 'feel' I want, rather, knowing that everything is in divine order,  release, let go, allow.

I know when I'm in perfect hormone when 'body' doesn't feel anything, the only time I 'feel' anything in 'body' is when I have a booboo. Body is being very expressive. Today, day nine, I didn't feel anything, did my Qigong exercise in total, prior I hadn't been able to lift my left arm over my head.  By 8:45 PM, I had used me up.  Getting into bed, listening to the winds howl, chimes playing along with the Goddess of the Wind,  soothes my soul

Day 10,  body decided that slow is the pace, so be it.  I asked Source to talk to me, “slow down, take it easy, sit in the sun, enjoy everything.”   I got it, having my body remind me that this is the pace I am to be present to, I accept this gift with all my heart.  Thank you. Blessings.

Day 11,  a few days ago I had an EKG,  went to my nurse practitioner,  the EKG showed some irregularity.  OK, the test showed that I had had a heart attack.  I felt this about 10 days ago on the full moon. Body sensations; heart feeling as though it were way over on the left side of my chest, the beating was irregular, didn't think about me having a heart attack.  Both parents, and my brother passed away from heart failure.  I lied down, slowed my breathing, placed both hands over my heart, chanting  love,  love,  love.  With in 2 or 3 min.  'heart' returned to 'normal.'

Speaking with Sean, (Nurse practitioner) He said,  “don't ever do that again,  call 911”  will do.  This is what the test said; Normal sinus rhythm.  Possible Left atrial enlargement.  Right bundle branch block.  Cannot rule out inferior infarct. Abnormal ECG.

Well, keep on keepin on.  For sure when I do decide to leave,  I know I've used myself up. Haven't saved anything for a rainy day.  I'm referring to 'things' .  Playing full out, tasting the fruits of life, filled with gratitude towards all the life I've lived.

Day 12,  now that I've slept on this new info about 'body', looking to see if there's anything in my life style that could change.   Right now, I'm being 'gifted' a quiet life, a comfortable life, peaceful, filled with love from every direction.  When the young ones come to visit, to sit with 'Elders' treasuring the knowledge we pass on through stories that had taken place in my life, and Melanie's life, and hearing how these young ones see our world today, they are brilliant, sensitive.

1Lorna, (adopted grand-daughter) will be having her baby boy the end of July.   Today I asked her if she had thought about writing to her baby boy, write as if she were talking with him, write about this experience, then when he's born, write about how the two of you join each day.  She loved this,  said she hadn't thought about it, and yes, she was starting a new journal for her baby boy.

I'm most alive when I'm in service, right now the service being shared has expanded and stretched, dancing the dance of life, listening to a tune that fills the hearts of anyone willing to hear it. 

The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend."
-- Henri Bergson

Day 13,  thought; when I return to my 'other' self.............. I stopped that thought, this is what is being gifted to me,  right here, right now.  What other self, didn't know I had 'other self'.  This stage play is a comedy.  In recognizing the comedic 'scripting'  body relaxes, I do see the humor in all of it. 
  
 I asked Ian to speak to me,  I picket a card from the WISDOM of the Hidden Realms Cards.

The HORSE KING is the card that showed,  assistance, control; 

     The Horse King always comes to lend you the power to go the distance, forging ahead whatever the weather.  You will most certainly reach your perfect destination with this noble Ally. He lets you know that some person or circumstance brought through synchronicity will certainly appear to help you with your endeavors.  You aren't meant to go this part of the journey alone.  This is also an important time to delegate authority to others so that they may assist you.  Currently you're magnetic to powerful people who are in a position to help make your dreams come true.  The Horse King asks that you remain open to those who are sent to aid you.  You can be assured that you will be lifted up and will ride high in victory.  

1I love these cards,  when I ask Ian to speak to me, then draw a card that truly comes from my other side of thought.  There's  almost always more then one way to view any situation.  It's the one I put my attention on that gets the prize, or the booby prize.


Day  14     Feels as though a demon took over my body,  looking to stay out of the way.  Keeping my mouth shut, feeling daggers that want to aim at anyone that gets in my space.  I called Jo-e, she's the only one that has had similar experiences, sharing with her how I was feeling, how this anger  felt so real, justified.  Jo-e said she was having the same experience, we commiserated.  She suggested that I tell anyone that's around me how I'm feeling, and that I'm doing my best to keep this demon under control.  Apologizing for my behavior, and please don't take any of this personally, truly doing my best to stay centered.  Between the new moon that is almost here, and the prednisone there are those times when I don't know if my right hand or left hand is in control.  Wild being the observer of all the dynamics around this energy.  As the day progressed, 'body' calmed considerably.  Doing Qigong every morning  has a huge impact on my arms movements.

Day 15   Body is adjusting, awareness towards every aspect of 'this' adventure.  I drove for the first time in two months. Feeling my arms through the movements around the steering wheel,  movements that 'normally' aren't recognized. I continue to use the word fascinating, being this is all so new. Body clearly communicating with me. Good start.   Melanie was in the car, I asked her to drive home from the few errands we did.

Home for a two hour nap.  No struggle.  Allow,  Allow,  Allow.

Day 16     Qigong morning and evening,  'body' moving effortlessly, this relaxed movement assists 'body' to stay  calm.  The tension in my upper arms remain. I'm able to do more of my daily routine  that I hadn't been able to do.  This is a practice of constant surrender.

Thus Something and Nothing produce each other;
The difficult and the easy complement each other;
The long and the short off-set each other;
The high and the low incline towards each other;
Note and sound harmonize with each other;
Before and after follow each other.

LAO TZU    Tao Te Ching









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