This is a Test - Matty's Journal from the beginning - May & June 2004

SELF  MASTERY CODE  OF HONOR
BY  Kelly Kay                                                                                                                      

1. Attain Clarity by searching the soul…
2. Access the soul via feelings…
3. Honor all feelings through the feelings truth is reveled…
4. Admit the truth to the self…
5. Confirm the truth by asking “does this reflect who I am?
6. Express my truth to others with love…
7. Stay focused on the truth…
8. Take action from that truth…
9. Honor myself with celebration no matter the outcome…

24^TH MAY 2004    DEPARTURE DAY

We picked up our Motor Home on  the 21^st… so for the past 3 days we’ve been working on getting her cleaned and packed… Steve extend the bed frame so the queen size bed would fit… it worked well, thanks to Steve… everyone has been rooting for us, those we have spoken to, and others that we haven’t met yet… there’s plenty of storage room under the bed, things we don’t need readily we’re storing there…

After our 11 days of camping, our Volvo over heated, while standing outside the repair shop waiting for Patricia to pick us up, C. Joy drove by, she stopped to see what was going on, when we told her about the car she said she was leaving for the week-end and we could stay at her place until Sunday… so for the next 3 nights we had a place to stay, hot water coming from the wall, (a shower) camping is wonderful, yet after 11 days living on Mother Earth, feeling her heart beat, knowing that I can handle anything that’s being ‘given’ to me from source, I wanted to have the option and choice, my choice at that time was to have a ‘roof over my head, a kitchen, and running water… Sunday came, where were going to go next? I called Suzen Brackel to say hello, not knowing at that moment what the call would end up being… telling her what we had been doing and saying that we’re looking for a place to stay for a few nights Gloria and Kenny were taking off for 10 days they offered their home to us… Suzen said she has a friend that most likely would love to have us stay with her, she said she would call now and would call back… with in a few minutes Suzen called saying Yvonne would love to have us come, and having Spirit was an additional blessing…

Yvonne’s home was very comfortable, the basement is 1000 sq. ft. with it’s own bathroom, a great big party room… moving Spirit around is uncomfortable to me, I know he likes stability, yet he’s been very adaptable… by the 2^nd day, it dawned on me “I’m going to ask Yvonne if it would be ok with her if we stayed until the Motor Home was ready?”  she was thrilled, being she wanted company, she was having a hard time with her transition, she was packing up to go somewhere, the where part she wasn’t sure about…

There were a few times when we would run errands and leave Spirit with Yvonne, she was so thankful, this was a collective gratefulness… while we were gone, Spirit clung to Yvonne, when we were in the house he wouldn’t leave our side… this was comforting for me as well as Spirit… 

We’ve got everything loaded up, there was excitement as well as apprehension, yet there’s no turning back, I took the RED pill long ago, knowing this was what I had asked for, to experience the world, to travel, to be in the creation with the ONE, the I AM, considering all my options my choice continues to be the pioneer, exploring it all…

We pulled out from Yvonne’s driveway  around noon, going to Flagstaff to install the tow bar for the Jeep, I’ve named our Motor Home Dumbo… the magical little elephant that learned to use his ears to fly… that’s what we’re up for a flying machine… coming to take us away…

Patients is my calling, it’s been my calling my entire life, there were times I didn’t know that or understand that at the time, of course hind sight is 20/20  always… putting the hitch on the jeep took the entire day,  6:00, we’re pulling out, we will drive until we’re tired…

The night before we left, we did a “dry run” sleeping in the M/H outside Yvonne’s house, we were quite comfortable, Spirit found his spot on the couch, as long as he’s with us he finds comfort…

Pulling out from the shop after the hitch was installed the M/H died, the fuel lines were switched, it took another 50 min. to get it all back in order, then we were truly off… there were many moments when we weren’t  sure of the next climb, yet she kept on crankin’…  

We had a few hours of day light, we were enjoying the vista, we spotted a heard of antelopes grazing in the open field… they’re quite elegant…

Further down the road, 4 white mountain goats were roaming, staying close to one another…

 There are two gas tanks of the M/H, we were using the small tank, about  157 miles later, she quit,  Ian switched to the lg, tank, and off we went…

We crossed the border into Utah, it’s around 9:30 or so, it’s been a long day, pulling behind a service station, we’re keeping our spirits high… morning came very quickly, Spirit and I went for a morning stroll, he doesn’t know what to do in new neighborhoods so he stays close by, when he walks in front of me, he continues to look back making sure I’m still there, there are so many moments when I feel lost, and having Spirits energy, his presents with me, there’s a clear grounding, I’m so appreciative…

Filling the thermos with coffee, filling the gas tank, we started off once again…

Day 2… 

We crossed the boarder into Utah last night, on our way to Zion National Park, we stopped at a gas station for a fill up, and check the tires, Ian spotted a gas drip… checking where it was coming from, Ian became a gas sponge… I felt totally helpless, there are times when this occurs, where Ian is doing something with the Motor Home and there’s nothing I can do.

The road to Zion is steep, the Motor home died, we were graced by not being on a spot on the road where we wouldn’t be seen by the on coming traffic, an angel stopped to ask what was wrong, telling him he asked if I wanted him to fetch a repair person… thank you, and yes, he turned around, going back down the hill, with in 10 min, a man in his tow truck appears… he towed us off the road, checking it out he said “looks like you need a carburetor… we unhitched the jeep, Rodger, the mechanic told us where to go to get a carburetor, driving to where we were told, the valley is beautiful, the weather is magnificent, there was some upset, yet knowing there’s something we on the other side of this, like walking into a room you’ve never walked into, and knowing from my ‘being’ that what’s there is so grand and until it appears I won’t know until I’m in that room… the town we’re in is Orderville Utah…(could that be more perfect or what?)

Last night before we went to sleep we talked about getting an early start, it was 5:50… Spirit and I took our a.m. walk… being this is the only thing that is a constant in my life at this time, walking in the morning is a blessing, and Spirit counts on this as I count on it as well…

The carburetor set us back $540. this was our travel money, gas and food, yet without the repair, we weren’t going anywhere… taking a deep breath, knowing that what ever we were given, there’s a bigger picture than we could see at that moment… Zion is being put on hold for another time… the weather is perfect, in the 70’s cool breezes, the sounds that fill all of my senses… yumm…

Hungry, seems like I’m always hungry, tuna has become my staple, I made sandwiches for us, Ian was feeling blue, thinking he did something wrong, no, he didn’t and I know he’ll get over it…

I’ve called in all my guides and angels to support us, to get us back on the road…

The new carburetor is in, Rodger starts her up, she grinds, what we hear wasn’t good, …  Ian looks at me, “ the rod broke, we need a new motor”… I’m speechless …  what’s next, finding someone to tow us to where ever to replace the motor… we’re in a town called Kanab Utah… the driver is calling around to see who can work on Dumbo… (when I took Spirit to the Vet, they were playing the movie Dumbo on the T.V.) I told Ian, Dumbo is the perfect name for her, she can fly, she has will power, she will get us to where we want to go…  

A couple of hours later, the driver said there’s a Chevy dealership in St George Utah that can handle your needs, being the M/H is a Chevy, this seemed logical… to tow her is a 90 mile run, and $300… amazing, one of the things I had on my list to do before we took off was to call AAA, I’ve been a member for many years, well, I didn’t call, so my service didn’t cover the tow… oh well, the good part is I didn’t beat myself up, I got that’s what I did, or didn’t do… I have called and added Dumbo to my membership… (the only thing I believe in holding onto within the system, being everything else has been released)

The drive to St. George is spectacular, the mountain ranges are most unique, there are what seems like hundreds of masses, I closed my eyes and saw crafts landing to fill up, filling stations for space crafts, they fill with energy, like the ones in Mexico at the pyramid sites… one in particular was about 4 times larger than the rest, I got, that’s where  the Mother Ship landed, the main Star ship…

We arrived, St. George is a lovely town, what I could see of it, the M/H was looked at, they said it would take about 5 days, they had a rebuilt motor it has a 3 yr warranty and with the labor and all it would be around $7,000. the only thing I did was close my eyes, knowing that we would be taken care of… ok, when can you start? Tomorrow, Wednesday, ok, Ian asked if it would be ok with them if we stayed in the M/H being we had no place to go… no problem… living in the parking lot of the Chevy dealership… OK God, what ever you want, I’m here to serve…

Day 3:

5:30 a.m. ~ slept soundly, amazing, after all, we’re in the parking lot of the Chevy dealership, we woke up laughing about where we are, knowing we’re being tested constantly… we’re being with what ever is being presented at any given moment… we talk about how amazed we are, how there’s nothing going on, that what ever there is, what ever God wants for us, we’re accepting as the gift, no turning any of it down…

we know we were set up for this, and after 11 days of camping, within that time, we took 2 hot showers, the rest of the time it was in the creek, no complaints, just filling you in… so having our home with us, even without the shower part, we had a cozy place to lay our heads, and we had power, we didn’t have power at the camp site, this was a step above…

OK… back to the Chevy site… there’s a Denny’s just across the parking lot, Ian went for coffee, the service dept. doesn’t open until 7:30, we didn’t want to wait for them, while he was gone, Spirit and I took our walk, (some things will never change)

When the mechanic started checking her out, he said they wouldn’t be able to get to her until the first of the week, well, today is Wednesday the 26^th May, I knew that they could get us out by Friday, I knew this in every part of my being…

There was an abundance of compassion from everyone there, we were easy to be with, Spirit became the unofficial greeter… when Spirit and I were out early in the morning, I smiled with joy to be alive and in their presents, Spirit would say his good morning, happy to see you, thank you for allowing us to stay here… we didn’t bug any one, there was a ease about the entire escapade, where else could we experience this? No where… seeing this kind of thing in the movies, saying, “that’s so not real.” Well, for me it is, I’m living it, I wouldn’t trade my life, and what we’re doing for anything in the world… this is the most exciting part of my life, and Ian says the same, we also know that we couldn’t have done this with any other partner… we’re so undemanding with one another, it’s the two half’s that make up the whole… it’s not 50/50, it 100/100, big difference…

The M/H. is being worked on, they said maybe by Monday it would be complete, I know it will be Friday, even though I didn’t say anything to them, I told Ian, “we will be on the road by Friday,” we still don’t know where the money is coming from, yet I know it will appear…

Spirit remains the ‘Steadfast  trooper’  what a blessing having him with us, his presents reminds me to stay grounded, there’s no-thing going on with him, pure love, beingness, companionship… so much to learn from our four legged friends… Watching him, seeing/feeling how he allows EVERYTHING to just be, he could be sound asleep when we’re ready to leave, he feels our energy, he’ll wake up, look at me saying, “I’m ready”

We were gifted a calling card by C. Joy, our dear friend who gave us her home for those days, her generosity was so huge, my words are quite  inept, thank you blessed friend…

We’ve used the library a few times, our “normal” day to day connecting to the world has changed dramatically…

Talking about the tests that continue to be presented to us, and knowing that we’re doing really well, we’re allowing what ever to show itself “just be”… a gift from the gods…we’ve been empowered to carry this message to the world for the good of all…

We’re quiet a lot, giving us time to be with ourselves, Ian said, “I’m so happy that you’re easy to be with through all of this” I feel the same with him… that being we’re easy with one another, we don’t make one another wrong, we give one another the space to be… what ever it is, how ever it’s said, knowing that what ever is going on is not personal.

There are those moments when negative thoughts come ~ they last for a few moments, then as soon as they’re recognized, sometimes spoken out loud they dissipate.

The Chevy dealership if going to be our home for the next few nights while they put a new motor in the motor home… this is more, ‘wait and see’…

Day 4

The repair saga continues ~ its Thursday four weeks to the day we were escorted out of our home ~ seems like forever ago… If it didn’t happen this way we would be sitting in our comfort with very little movement ~ I know from my history that a huge jolt must take place in order for me to change direction/consciousness…  four years ago I did a 360 flip in a half ton pick up truck… to make this story short, what happened was, I had my friends truck loaded with ‘stuff’ from a job site we had been working on for the past three months, driving on a two lane road the truck started fish tailing, I felt quite calm, I said to God, “what ever you want, I’m here for that.” Finding myself in the on coming lane with a small red sports  car headed right at me, after speaking with God, the truck started moving over to my lane,  yet there was that moment when the timing was such that the little sports car hit the rear fender propelling me into a ditch, in that moment God asked. “In or Out?” there wasn’t a thought… “IN”…everything slowed down, giving me the time to tuck myself on the bench seat, no seat belt…I know  if I had used a seat belt, my neck would have been broken… my partner was following me from the site in my 67’ Chevy pick up, what he must of thought watching me do a 360o into this ditch… when the truck landed, I heard my name being called, Casey opened the door to see if I were alive, “Madaline.” The only thing I could do was raise my finger, letting him know that yes, I am alive. “can you get out?” finding my voice,  “not right now.” Within a few moments I was able to back out, I knew I couldn’t stand, my spine hit the top of the truck…

I crawled backward out of the truck, there were many voices, I couldn’t look up, couldn’t turn around, someone brought a blanket, others were holding another blanket over me, the sun was intense that day, I didn’t have a opportunity to thank those caring people, THANK YOU, thank you so very much… you’re beautiful…

From that came surrender on ALL levels of my awareness… this was the beginning of a new portal/consciousness that with out this happening I wouldn’t have the understanding I have now… there were people that showed up at my home, some of these people I hadn’t met yet, they said they had heard about what had happened and they were here to work on me… time to receive… my daughter Jo-e, whom had been visiting and left a week earlier came back to take care of me… this was huge for both of us… she said, “that’s all you have to say is yes, I want you to come, and I will.” She lives in California, that’s a eight hour drive… she came with my grandson Cole, at that time he was five years old… he told my daughter that he was going to heal Nan, (that’s me) he brought his crystals to do his magic…

Receiving is as great as giving… especially from the giver… when someone offers a gift and you know the receiver turns down the gift, where does that leave the giver? What ever is being given, it’s a gift from the gods, you don’t turn that down… so, this was/is, continues to be what I put into practice on a daily basses…

I was laid up for three weeks, all things considered, the recovery was quick… 

In May of 2001 ~ a friend called telling me this guy was coming over to her home he’s going to be talking about the Mayan Calendar, come she said… well, being I had been using the Mayan Oracle cards for the past eight years, I wanted to know more,  he spoke for a couple of hours, great info, for that time, when he was complete, I introduced myself, saying how much I enjoyed the way he presented the information, and I would love to know more… he said there was a book, great, I would like to read this book, “well, it hasn’t come in yet.” I give him my card telling him to please call when the book came, he said he would… about three weeks passed, we were in the same place one evening, he didn’t remember my name, I asked if he had gotten the book, no not yet… “are you doing any more talks?” “Well, I would, I’m always looking for a place to speak.” What are you doing tomorrow night, come over to my house, if the energy feels right, we can have a talk at my place… great, I invited him for dinner, the warm nights are beautiful in Sedona,  he came, we had a lot to speak about, so much in common… we looked at the calendar to make a date for his talk… that’s when we started our personal relationship… it’s been challenging at times, the growth has been bigger than big, using one another as mirrors, watching the other move through all the challenges, it’s been immense.

Before Ian and I met, there was a time when I didn’t feel I was using my talents, the gifts that I was given this life time… being I’m a ‘Muse’ how I get used up is by having another to ‘guide’… so in speaking with my guides asking what my next project will be, I heard what I always hear… “patience”… shortly after that, within ten days I met Ian…

Thanks for listening to all that… I just went off on that one… anyway this might give you a clearer understanding about me…

Day 5  28^th May 2004 Friday

Ian and I talked about the divine energy around this entire event ~ following our intuition bringing the motor home to the Chevy dealership, they had everything that was needed to get her back on the road. They told us it would be around $7,000. to repair her, we didn’t know what we were going to do, yet we knew that somehow this too would be taken care of, the people were so concerned, they worked with us, cutting their profit, we made phone calls, more to share what we were up against, not complaining, being in communication… that’s all I could do was stay in that centered place of trust… by Friday, when they were complete the money came… outrageous… god works in mysterious ways… Kelvin our dear mechanic worked from morning till later then normal for his day to get us back on the road… thank you Kelvin… you sweet dear man…

Steve (a friend who worked on the motor home with Ian before we left Sedona) called to see where we were and how we’re doing, when I told him we were at the Chevy dealership having the motor replaced, he was silent, I think he was stunned, he thought the motor home was road worthy, he had taken her for a test drive, and she drove well… we didn’t know he didn’t know, we’ve never had a motor home, we took her on total trust… no blame here, there’s never blame, everything is everything for the next step… we hadn’t showered in days, nothing new, being when we were camping for those 11 days, we showered twice, other then going into the stream… Steve’s friend Jason lives in St George, we called him, he came over, asked what he could do, we said, “a shower would be great.”  “I live three minutes from here, come on.”  Wow, did that feel good, amazing how something that I had taken for granted was such a luxury… it’s hot and sticky in St. George, so even after a wonderful shower, I felt the same as before the shower…

We know this journey we’re on is for all of us… we’ve heard friends talk about doing what we’re doing, we had talked about this, taking it to the road, being we were comfortable and working on all the ‘papers’ it wasn’t something in our near future… little did we know what spirit had in store for us… it’s that shove that’s needed to make that movement…

Friday… Kelvin had the M/H up and running, the money came, ‘Dumbo’ was purring, Kelvin suggested we leave first thing in the morning, being it’s a holiday week-end, we don’t want to put any extra stress on her, he also suggested that we run her for about 250 to 300 miles before we hitch the jeep back up, giving the new motor a chance to be broken in, we parked outside of the Chevy dealership, right on the street, that’s where we spent the night… we felt good about the entire event, there was some skepticism (you can understand why) with every hiccup, we think, ‘now what?’

Day 5

I feel Ian stroking my arm… “are you awake?” “I can be, what time do you think it is?”  “Oh around 4.”  It was 4:10, he’s amazing when it comes to his intuition about time… ~ Ian went for coffee, I took Spirit for a walk, we warmed the motor home up, sitting and watching the rain, well it was misting, the rain came later…

When we went to the library, Ian get an email from a women in Pocatello  Idaho, she heard Ian’s interview on Earth Changes T.V.. In her letter asking if we were coming through her town, please phone her, she wanted to meet us, and invite others to come meet us as well, we called, she was home, it was Memorial week-end, we met her for lunch, she was shocked that we responded to her email… and so very pleased… we parked at a truck stop, we stayed there for a few nights, and on Monday she gathered 23 people, this was amazing, they were very generous, we received enough money for a couple of tanks of gas…

The day before, on Sunday, she was going to a ‘sweat lodge’  the ‘elder’ his name is Dude… they are the Shoshone people, Lavern is native, her husband Scott is white, the generosity coming from that open heartedness, she was so thrilled to hear from us, she said, she didn’t think in her wildest dreams we would respond, let alone show up, we showered at their home, they made dinner for us, extending the invitation to what ever our needs were, I felt like royalty… I adore her, Lavern in a new sister… marvelous to find others that know we are truly ‘one’… that who we have come to know and love is standing in truth and love, nothing else needs to be put into the equation…   a group of 13 gathered for the sweet… this was a marvelous day… the area we went to is called LAVA HOT SPRINGS… wow, the land, the view, the people… again more magic…

Day 6

The morning sky was on fire, there’s one cloud that appeared to look as though it were cut with a straight line, one side was gray, the other side was bright fire orange. The images in the clouds were sending signals… not sure what yet, I’m certain it will show up when I need to know, it’s always been that way, on a need to know basses…

Like I said, we parked at a truck stop, there’s a breeze in the air, so delightful, being the night before in St. George, it was blazing hot…

We’re so content in our lives ~ knowing we’re co-creating all that is being presented… allowing is the KEY ~ with that, everything that we need shows up…

Integrity stands firm in one’s own creation, when one COMES  from integrity in AL-WAYS there’s no need for secrets ~ secrets fester into what causes dis-ease, the disease causes the body to malfunction, your cells work over time to bring itself to balance, this can’t happen with out the assistance the individual provides. At this stage of our evolution it is our time to release ALL secrets… look… what’s there for you? Is your body holding up the way you want it to be? When you make a list of the most important people in your life, who’s name is on the top of your list?

In the event YOUR name isn’t on the top, change your list, if you don’t take care of yourself first, how in the world can you take care of any one else?  Who told you not to take care of yourself first? Did someone tell you that you’re being selfish?  It’s no one fault it’s what ever that person was taught passed this onto you…

Remember the movie  Liar ~ Liar with Jim Carrie?  Watch it again… see what he was facing, see how is life had been, then what it became when he ‘had’ to tell the truth… he was much happier, wasn’t he?

When are you most content? When you know that you’re coming from your heart, that your exuding love ~ when your bringing that to the world there’s a contentment a centeredness that can’t be taken away…

You’ve heard the statement, “you are what you eat.”  How about, “I AM THAT I AM”… who else said that? Popeye?

Day 7

WOW ~ its around 10 p.m., Ian went to bed, he’s exhausted, I’m waiting for Lavern, with the talk we had today, there were people who gave checks, Lavern had them write them out to her, she went to the bank to get cash, being we wouldn’t have a place to cash check, makes sense to me. The 23 people who came were all ears, with open minds and hearts, a man who has a weekly show on local T.V. channel asked if it were ok for him to show the tape that was made from this talk, yes, with out a doubt, the more people that hears this the better we feel… there were two Mormon women that left when Ian talked about the future and we’re all co-creating with God, they couldn’t listen… that’s ok, we just notice how different listening creates different understandings from ‘the self’…

At this truck stop there were washing machines, yeah, gathering all the clothes I walked over to put them in, then back for coffee, we hadn’t had a place to plug in, grateful for the coffee shop…

Across the way there’s a huge field, that’s Spirits and my first stop on our walk…

We talked about where we would be heading next, I knew deep down we needed to head straight for Whitehorse, Ian felt that making stops along the way, setting up talks would give us more capital… setting aside my feelings I said, “ok, we’ll do that”… a few days later, Ian woke up saying, you’re right, we should head north… calling Michael letting him know of the new plan, and how long it would take to arrive…

Day 8

It was around 9 a.m. when we pulled out of the truck stop, leaving Idaho…

Gloria, my dear friend from Sedona agreed to take care of what ever needs come from that end of the world, we left her P.O. Box # for correspondence… when we spoke last night, she told me that three friends came over, they sat around the table, opening envelopes that were addressed to us, they read the letters people wrote acknowledging our journey, with their support, we had enough money to fill Dumbo, the words “THANK YOU” just doesn’t cut it… Gloria will send me those correspondence as soon as I have a place where I will be long enough to receive them… so, in the mean time… bless all of you, dear family… how blessed I feel, how honored I feel, how looked after I feel… I’m so grateful, so very grateful… she read a few letter to me, I cried, she cried… I’m hugging all of you from my heart… it’s not been easy, it’s been challenging, I know I’m up for the challenge other wise I wouldn’t have been given this task, this adventure… it would have been given to someone who could handle it… we’re not only handling this, we’re flourishing, growing with a deeper understanding that is allowing me to experience the flow that is all god… watching the trees stand strong all the while the wind is bellowing through their branches, there’s no complaint, they stand, they kiss the wind, their nurtured by the rain, why in the world would I, this small speck on this planet complain? I don’t, not any longer. The gifts are set right at my feet, there always there…

Land, abundant land thousands of miles of open magnificent land, people talk about the world being over crowded, that’s insane, it’s the cities that are over crowded, they think there’s no place else to go! INSANE, as they say in the 12 step program, “sticken thinkin”  people don’t know they can take the red pill and get themselves out of the Matrix, Ian and I have taken the RED pill, we know we will never step back into that paradigm, once we found the ‘truth’ about everything from the world court, the government, the legal system, there was no turning back… I wouldn’t turn back no matter what was offered to me… no one promised my a rose garden, I promised that for myself, to plant, water, prune, nurture it, give it love, I’m growing the rose garden for the benefit for all of man kind…

Driving through the Teton’s, Yellowstone… OH MY GOD, the majestic vistas, the vastness, rushing waters, snow capped mountain ranges, buffalo roaming freely, elk, deer, water falls, wow, BIG WOW… when the sun shone on the water sparking diamonds appeared… miles and miles of “Eye candy” for my senses to treasure…

When I first moved to Sedona, I would see signs “WATCH OUT FOR ELK”… ok, I watched and watched, never seeing them, for a time I gave up watching… seeing them now, for anyone who doesn’t believe in God, I wouldn’t know what to say to them, in witnessing their grace, their beauty, how could it be anything other then gods creation?  The male’s are truly regale while the female’s are elegant…

Clyde Park Mt is where we stayed the night, a town of 400… we parked in a lot between two buildings, it felt right… we weren’t tired so we walked into a bar that had an open sign, yet when we walked in, she said she was sorry but she was closing, no one had walked in for over an hour, no problem, looking around we spotted another, amazing a town of 400 there’s 2 bars… it was around 10:30, there were about a dozen people, we sat at the bar, the bar keep came over, we ordered beer, sitting and chatting with him for the next hour, fascinating, we asked if there were any one in town who could fix our generator, he said, Dale, over at the only station in town, he could fix it, he gets in around 9 or 9:30… we thanked him, walked back to Dumbo, Spirit was happy, he doesn’t like to be left alone, and I don’t like leaving him alone, yet, there are those who just don’t get that this wonderful four legged is a man in this beautiful body that walks on all fours… oh well, some day they’ll get it, and he will be allowed any where…

Day 9

We pulled into Dale’s station around 9:00, the sweet young man came out asking what he could do, Ian asked him about the generator, he looked at it, tinkered with this and that, and got it started… I asked about coffee, he said, “there’s a pot in there, help yourself.”

Spirit walked around the gas station, there was a little boy sweeping, he told me that they just moved here, “oh, we got here a couple of weeks ago, so I’m not in school yet.” Are you going to go to school? Yeah, I don’t know when though…

Spirit spotted a cat, he wanted to play, the cat didn’t want to have anything to do with him… I told Spirit he had to leave the kitty alone, he looked at me saying “I want to have someone else to play with.” I know, the kitty can’t discern from one thing or the other, he doesn’t know you wouldn’t hurt him.”

Well, we filled the tank, said our thank you’s, off we went… we drove as far as Great Falls Mt… next stop Canada, 150 miles to go… everything has been so beautiful, people, weather, visuals, the circumstances, what ever, where ever, all of it… I’m excited, just the idea of crossing the boarder, I let you know how I feel…

Change of plans, we’re going to Glacier National Park where we’ll stay the night then cross the boarder in the morning, now that the decision was made to head straight for Canada, there’s not that push we were feeling earlier…

The sky in Montana is huge, absolutely magnificent, wide open country, it’s amazing that this entire trip, we’ve climbed, even though the Yukon is about 2500 ft. it seems as though we could be 14,000… Cut Bank (the name of this town) we drove through in about 4 min. driving past a park there were families, lots of kids, gave me a warm fuzzy feeling…

We found an R.V. park for the evening, the view is spectacular, mountain ranges filled with pine trees, the lushness of this terrain, snow capped mountains, mammoth size trees… more ‘eye candy’…

A shower awaits, after 3 days this is much appreciated…

Day 10

We drove over the Canadian Rockies, the steepest roads in Canada, it took 2 hrs to climb this peak, Dumbo was a real trooper, she huffed and puffed, yet she got us there, it wasn’t until later that it downed on us that I should have driven the jeep and not towed her… oh well, that’s what we did… reaching the top, the sign said the grade down was 8%, that’s steep, thank god we have good breaks…there’s a sheer drop on my side of the road, my mind was reeling, hands sweating, we spoke calmly, keeping one another centered, when we were clear and on level ground we spoke about those moments where fear took over, I told Ian what a great job he did in keep Dumbo on the road, he said thank you, and asked if I had been frightened, yes, there were those moments when I looked over the side wondering if the next turn would swallow us up… he said he couldn’t keep his hands dry, “I felt like I lost 10 lbs through my hands from sweet.”

We drove to Castlegar R.V. park, exhaustion was filling every cell of my being… we got settled, hungry, tired, we ate tuna sandwiches with a glass of wine, then sleep…

A few miles before we crossed the boarder I spoke to my guides… “I want us to cross with grace and ease, Spirit won’t be seen, they will tell us to have a nice stay.”

When we approached the boarder the guard walked out of his little shack, he greeted us, we smiled, he asked where we live, how long we’re planning on staying, when was the last time we were in Canada, what we were going to do while here, do we have liquor/tobacco, fire arms, he asked Ian what he does for a living, oh, and how much money we had with us…

We told him we were visiting friends, that we’re planning on being here for a few months, when he asked “how much money we had”… we laughed, Ian said, I have about $28. Ian looked at me, I said, I have about $18. he said, how do you plan on staying here for a few months with that… Ian had told him he was a writer, and he gets paid for the articles he writes for magazines… with that he said, have a good day, enjoy your stay…

Off we went, laughing, I thanked my ‘guides’ for the clear passage… he didn’t even ask our names or want to see I.D.  beautiful…

Driving mile after mile along the river ways, the pines reaching to the sky, vistas I’ve dreamt of seeing and now it’s there, right before my very eyes… having my beloved Spirit with me fills my heart, he is the essence of pure love.  Today is 1/earth… doesn’t surprise me, nothing surprises me any longer… it’s all divine… we all know this, I know you know this too…

Day 11     2/Flint   Friday   4^th June…

I so prefer waking up at a camp site, especially in Canada, the forests are full of life, the spring flowers create a mystical surreal union with the creator.  This camp ground had a steep hill with walk ways, (which I like being I don’t like stepping on the flowers) Ian walked with me this day, we spotted three different kinds of mushrooms, they’re wonderful, little elves live under them, there are times when I can hear them sing, those times have been when I would be alone, I would sit on the ground and talk with them, then they would sing to me… the flowers that grow here I’ve not seen in the states… I love wild flower bouquets…

Well, we had breakfast, went into speak with Liz and Dale, (the owners of the R.V. park) they said driving for 4 hrs a day is enough, enjoy the journey…

We drove to a gas station for a fill, the man next to us noticed there was gas running out from under the M/H, Ian got under there seeing where it was coming from, putting his finger where the leak was, he stopped it, I got down to see and ask “what can I get for you?”  “a screw and screw driver.” Handing the screw and driver over to Ian he stopped the leak. What had been in that hole was a golf tee, when it fell out, it was broken, Ian said the screw will hold it much stronger then what had been there… OK, the man says it will hold, I believe him… he was covered with gas… he’s a real trooper, this is not the first time he’s had a gas bath…

While Ian found a place to wash the gas off of himself, I’m talking with my guides,  “what next!  Enough already, we’re ready for a break, this part is not fun.”  Well, we’re buckled in, we look at one another, ok, here we go… fly Dumbo, fly… we checked the map, seeing the terrain seemed to look as though there would be steep climbs we decided that I would drive the jeep so we would take some pressure off Dumbo… Driving behind I couldn’t tell if there were more ease driving without the jeep being the grade going up was a 6% and going down the grade was 8%...

We’re headed for Osoyoos… right, you pronounce it… the R.V. park is one of the most beautiful Lakes, sunny South Okanagan… we’re getting prepared for the long days, it stays light out until 10:30 or so… when we get to the Yukon it will be light until 1:30/ 2 a.m. 

There were cherry trees in this park, also a sign asking not to pick the fruit… yeah right… cherry’s  right next to M/H and you’re asking me not to pick them… sorry… I didn’t pick more then I could eat, I had to, I just had to, it’s my little girl that wanted them, I wouldn’t say no, my inner child gets treated like royalty…

Well, we went into town,  wanting to get on line, it’s been days, or has it been months, can’t remember… we found an internet café’, this was good, Ian needed to stay in touch with Mike, and we just hadn’t been able to … anyway, being that happened, and going to a hardware store, the unit to clean out the ‘black water’ wasn’t long enough so we found what we needed, little by little Dumbo is being put back together, she still needs a lot of T.L.C.

Stopping a for a bit to eat at an out door café’, keeping our attention on staying cool, everyone’s conversation was about the heat, that this “was not normal”… boy don’t we know it… there’s no more NORMAL… what ever had been, will never be again…

It was a little after 5 by the time we returned, the sky started turning gray, rain, that will be refreshing, the heat is oppressive, no matter how much water I drink, it’s not enough… There are moments when insanity creeps in, being I’m a Serpent (on the Mayan Calendar) my emotions are count-on-able, going from one extreme to the other within a heart beat, before I knew all this, there were many times when I would pray for the guys in white coats to show up and take me away… I didn’t understand, until I met Ian and got this new understanding about ME there were many days when it was a toss up, go through this one more time, or leave the planet… what kept me around was my 4 children… thank you god for them, truly, I would have ended it, to many times when I didn’t find value in my life… wild ‘a’?  

I’m feeling the energy from Venus, two more days until the midnight of the third night, then two days after that for the Venue Transit…

These out of sorts feeling is I’m used to having a pattern in my life, just like Spirit, he’s security lies in the pattern, it’s rough on him, yet I know he’s grateful for being with me… being on the road is exciting and frustrating at the same time… creation is calling me to move forward, so that’s what I’m doing…

Day 12…

Osoyoos, clouds are getting darker, yet there’s a balminess in the air…

Six a.m. made coffee, sitting outside feeling drops, Spirit looks to see where this is coming from, I tell him it’s going to rain, we sit under the awning, now it’s raining, cooling the ground, while the cherry trees are drinking with delight… the rain came and went within moments, that was quick… oh well…

Today is 3/Storm  a Blue day, I’m red, it’s a challenge/straitening day for me, today is a clear/comforting day, I am grateful… before we head out, Spirit and I will take our walk, being near water makes a huge difference, I grew up in Los Angeles, spending as much time at the beach as I could, being near water is meditative, calming, so walking with Spirit near the water, seeing the reflections from the clouds, from the trees, Spirit wanting to go into the water, yet there are signs posted all over about no dogs allowed on the beach… I told him I was sorry about that, they just don’t get it, maybe they never will…

The past couple of days I’ve been feeling ~ what I will call anxiety ~ this feeling in my belly, the words that came were, “get to Whitehorse fast”

The day before when he checked his email, he printed out a few letter, we were reading them over coffee, one in particular was from the elders, after reading what they’re saying, Ian got what I had been saying, “Ok, straight to Whitehorse, going into the city is not good now.” A calmness came over me, knowing my intuition was acknowledged, didn’t matter how it came to pass, knowing that it did is enough…

We got a B.C. map, now we’re off…

We made it to ‘Hope’ driving through forest along the river ~ Ian was a bit upset that we drove to Hope, being there was a more direct road, by me being a novice reading maps what I was looking at was the road we were on, and continued on that road, I didn’t see the ‘short cut’… oh well, I laughed, he got more upset, I said “your up-set won’t change the road we’re on, this is the way we’re headed, we’ve been guided to travel on THIS road, I’m getting that in the event we went on the other road, there would have been a long delay that would have been more upsetting” he got over his upset, he said he was sorry, I accepted his apology…

We’re  parked at a Shell Station we needed to change the oil, that being done, we looked to see where we were going to park for the evening, driving into the R.V. park, the sign was a painted dog with a red line through it, we looked at one another, ok, we know we’re not welcome here, a man came out just as we started to turn around, “can I help you?” can you tell us where we can go with our dog?  “about a mile back, it’s called Coquihalla Campsite, in Hope B.C.

We found our spot, walking out from Dumbo, Spirit right behind me, while I was smelling the air, Spirit was smelling the brush, trees, the ground, checking out the ‘neighbors’. Hearing the rushing water we walked over the ridge, Spirit looked over his shoulder checking to make sure it was ok to charge into the water, “go boy go”, stepping into the water, chomping at it, not lapping it, he’s a sight, makes me laugh… Ian and I were checking out the stones, the colours, shapes that feel unique to the area…

Ian’s been invited to be on a radio show called the ‘Edge’ from Chicago, he checked out the phone situation, there’s a pay phone at the entrance of the park… he called hours before to make sure it would work, good, it’s working great! 

Ian came back after the interview, he was lit up, “good one ‘a’,”  yeah, “he didn’t know what to do with himself from the info.”

I know I’ve said this before about the air here, it baths my skin, feeling as though God is holding me a his/her soft blanket…

Day 13 ~ 6^th June ~ midnight of the 3^rd night

Last night as we were sitting all cozy in our M/H, I stopped doing what ever I was doing to listen… “it’s raining.” Ian said, “cant be, there’s no drops on the windshield,” then what am I hearing?  Within a few moments the rain came with such intensity there was no denying the rain… a few minutes later I’m hearing what sounded like the rain coming into the M/H… I walked into the bedroom.  “Oh shit, Ian, it’s raining in here.” As I’m saying this I’m pulling my blanket off the bed, being what was coming down was black water, really ugly… grabbing a bucket to keep the goo  off of the mattress… keep it comin… that’s what’s happening anyway… I’m so upset, so upset that I didn’t want to talk, neither did Ian…

Ian said, I’ll put the tarp over the top, that should keep the rain from coming in, he grabbed the tarp, climbed up the ladder, secured it down, the ceiling felt like a wet sponge, not good, we had some gray tape, trying to adhere it to the wet ceiling was a challenge, wipe, past, wipe past…

The rain kept coming, we looked at one another, “I don’t want to sleep in there!” Ian agreed, we put the table down, moved the seat over, turned that space into a bed… the size of a twin… ok, this is what we have… this is going to be interesting, then I started to laugh, what’s next? I asked my guides, I heard what I ALWAYS hear, “trust,” yeah, right, yet all there is to do is trust, that’s what we’ve been doing this entire journey ever since we left our home… We were so emotionally exhausted,  when we got under the covers we fell asleep quickly…

Before we stopped talking and fell asleep, I said, “in the morning, no rain.”

There was a briskness in the air, the ground was very wet, the sky was filled with clouds, white one’s, I could feel all of my angels dancing about, they were pleased that they presented me with such a fine day… their so playful, they love Spirit, I know he feels them, I can tell, there’s a sense of calmness that he exudes, then he looks up, when I look into his face I would swear he was smiling…

Spirit and I were getting ready for our walk, Ian said, “we can escape from the place.” Yes indeed we can and will… we walked toward the river, from the rain last night the intensity, the sounds were almost deafening they were so loud. We walked around the park, I love the smell of the air after a good rain, so much aliveness, so different then the U.S. more the feel then the sights, there are magnificent parks in the states… Yellowstone is that magnificent… as we were walking I was talking out loud as I do, “I’m so grateful for my eyes to witness your beauty, my ears to hear the winds rustling through the trees, the water rushing down stream, the birds singing love songs for my ears to hear, my sense of smell to experience all the wonders that surround me”  we returned telling Ian about the rushing waters, the beauty I was witnessing, he was folding the tarp, I took the other end folding this thing is easier with two… we had another cup of coffee, a bowl of cereal, put everything safely away, everything must be off the counters or it’s on the floor as we drive… we were told that the next 80 miles there were switch backs and hills, so I drove the ‘Blue Lagoon’ following Dumbo…

Driving separate is good, being we’re with one another 24/7, this gives us a break… I don’t even recognize that I need one until I’m driving the jeep, then it dawns on me that this is the only time I can think with out interference, when there’s me, alone, my thought are so different then when Ian, Spirit and I are in the same place.

We’ve talked about how we wouldn’t be able to do this journey with any one else, we laugh speaking about some people that have been in our lives, and what this would be like traveling with them… no thank you… our dance through all of this is in harmony… we know this…

About 80 or so miles later, we hooked back up, the contour of the mountains are so unique, they’re carved, not by man, reddish brown, gold’s running through them, I wanted to stop just so I could take them in for a longer period of time, the visit continued to show me more beauty, more breathtaking landscape then I’ve ever seen in my life… a water fall cascading in a turquoise pool, dropping 30/40 feet, it’s not easy to be spontaneous in a M/H, you just don’t ‘stop’, besides all these roads we’ve been on are narrow two lane roads…further down, boulder’s the size of large cars, water gushing around them, splashing, crashing, white caps the colour of snow…

There’s train tracks along side the road, tunnels, coming out of the tunnel there were two rusted trains sitting on an unused track, they were so beautiful, I so wish I had been able to take a photo of them, there’s so much beautiful, so much ‘eye candy’… there’s only two things that stop me from taking pictures at this time, one, I was driving, the other, I don’t have a camera… other then that, what’s to stop me?  

The tunnels we all named, the first one, Yale, Saddle Rock Tunnel, Alexandra, Hells Gate, Ferrarble and China Bar, this last one was the longest about an 1/8 of a mile ~ there was one other, I can’t remember it’s name… ~ out of the blue I hear the name Fraiser… ok, not thinking to much about it, then with in moments, a street sign shows up… ‘Fraiser’ this is good, lets see what I can do next… (don’t forget I’m driving the jeep) Ian, stop, I repeat this three time, the last time I say, Ian, stop I have to pee… two seconds later he puts his directional signal on, he pulls over, the perfect stop is there being, like is said this is a two lane road… he gets out, I get out, I said, “good job you heard me, I was telling you I needed you to stop, being I had to pee.” He said, “yes, and I needed to pee, I figured you did too.”

This is where we hooked back up, the area is Cash Creek… (I love these names) we’re doing great, driving about 60 mph, or 80 k…  Dumbo back fires, she sounded like a shot gun, we looked at one another not wanting anything else to happen, she kept going, we were close to Clinton, she started slowing down, then she quit, we were able to cost off the road… Ian turned the key, nothing, he took the ‘Dog House’ off to expose the motor, everything looked ok, being I don’t have a clue about the engine, I can only agree with what ever he tells me…I feel so helpless, I got over that quickly…  the carburetor is new, the motor has a mere 1,500 miles on it.  WHAT? We changed the oil & filter yesterday, tick tock, he thinks it might be the fuel filter, he changes that, nothing, putting gas right into the carburetor, he did this three times, still nothing… well, let’s unhitch the jeep, drive into town, see if there’s anyone there that can come take a look see… he leaves, back in 5 min. not a good sign… what’s up… it’s Sunday, the town is pretty much asleep… we decide to call AAA, we pray they honor my state membership in Canada… ~ … yeah, they’re on their way… we told them we would be at the M/H waiting for them… I’m sitting in the passenger side of the jeep with the door open writing, Ian finds a place in the tall grass, Spirit is walking back and forth until he found his spot near Ian… 30/40 min. pass, I hear this loud bang, looking to see where the sound is coming from I see an 8 ft. long, 2x4 flying through the air, then I hear the motor on the M/H turn over, she started right up.  Walking over to Dumbo, Ian tells me what just happened… “I was sitting listening to all the chatter until I became comfortable with her braking down, one more time, I was coming in for paper to write when I spotted that piece of lumber, it was as though it spoke to me, I picked it up, walked over to Dumbo, I said to her, I’ll show you who boss, I took that 8 ft. 2x4 and smacked her on her fender.” He said he wasn’t angry, it just showed up to do that, then walking back inside, turning the key and you know the rest…

I forgot on insert here… while Ian was working on the motor I made myself a tuna sandwich, (sound familiar?) I had the thought that Ian would say to me, “how can you eat when all this is happening?” sure enough those where his exact words…

Ok, off again, we’ve driven another hour, pulling into a gas station, there’s a hardware story right across the street, after the rain and the leak we knew we needed to protect ourselves from this happening again… we got sealant… as we were walking toward the hardware store I said to Ian, “I knew what you were going to say about me eating, the exact words.” Well, how could you eat? I was hungry, and being upset wouldn’t fix her, so why would I get upset, besides you were already upset, I didn’t need to be upset also… doesn’t make sense to me…  and I know and trust that everything gets handled, there’s nothing to stress about.  I pray he gets this for himself soon, life is that simple, this doesn’t mean I sit and do nothing, it means that what ever needs to get handled does… by the way we called AAA back to tell them not to come…

We spoke to Vince and Debbie last night, I’m so looking forward to meeting them, they’re saying the days are 20 hrs. long… ok, what’s that going to feel like, I’ll let you know…

Day 14

We drove to Prince George… found Bear Lake where we’re to spend the night… I was feeling two energy’s, one the lake and forest was full of life, the other, it felt deserted… we were the only vehicle in the parking lot… this is summer after all, one would think this place would be packed, the place was spotless… as we were driving into the park Ian spotted Moose, I missed them, I did see a Black Bear, he looked about the size of Spirit in height, then a fox, wow, so tired, we’ve been on the road since 8 a.m. it’s now 10 p.m. another couple of days, we’ll be in Whitehorse…

6:30, Spirit and I walked down to the Lake, not a soul in sight, the mist coming off the water casting magic spells over the forest, a single duck happily  enjoying his solitude, Spirit stood absolutely still watching the duck, cocking his head from side to side in total amazement he hadn’t seen this in his life time… aah the innocents of a child/four legged…

The sign reads, “No Dogs Allowed in the Park”… Spirit and I know we’re invisible to anyone that doesn’t come from the light, so we’re not concerned, and like I said, there’s not one soul around…

Leaving Bear Lake to drove to the nearest gas station… interesting how the pump works is in  two stages, the pump stops at a certain amount, some have stopped at $50. some at $75. Ian’s card stopped a while ago, so we’re using mine, not that it makes any difference, we know it’s the “same pocket”… the pump stopped, reinserting it, it read, “rejected” he tried again, “rejected”… oh my god, now what, I got on the phone, called the bank in Sedona, they told me I had $2.44 in my account, I had $70. American money, and that was it. With prayer and the 20 gal. of extra gas we carry we’ll make it to Whitehorse…

Tonight at 10 p.m. Venus starts her transit. I’ve been feeling her energy for days, I told Ian I was feeling uncomfortable, feeling her energy, not sure what right now,  asked Ian how he was feeling, he said he was feeling the same, we sat quiet, no-thing needed to be said, not now any way… I started to do deep breathing, this helped some, didn’t take away the discomfort, yet it did relax me some…

It was 9:50, we stopped for the night, I knew I need to lie down, to just BE, to FEEL what ever she wanted to give me, I was open to receive… this was an emotional day, I felt these emotions could take me one way or the other, Ian agreed. “I’m going to stay quiet, I don’t want anything to come out of my mouth that I might be sorry for later.” I took my clothes off, lied down on our bed, closed my eyes, I started seeing lights, then faces, this went on for about 10/15 min. then I felt this energy in my belly, the same feelings I had when I was pregnant… I knew I was giving birth to a new me, new beginnings, new world, I felt different, can’t put the ‘different’ into words, just different…

What I find interesting is when I speak out loud what’s going on, those strong emotions dissipate.  This is a great tool… speaking that is…

Day 15

Day 32  

9:30 a.m.  we’re on the road again… (good name for a song, ha ha ) we were told there are around 38 fires, we can see that, we’ve been driving through smoke for some time, and it looks like about another hour before we’re out of it, there were flag-men on the road telling drivers what to expect up ahead, he said it was going to get thicker.  Yesterday these roads were closed, so in the event we had left yesterday, we would have had to turn around, more miracles, being divinely guided… for about a two mile stretch the fire was right to the road, even with the windows closed I could feel the heat, and of course smell the forest burning… Mother Earth in action… she’s doin’ what she needs to do… cleaning up, creating carbon so her Earth will be ready to produce new growth… The Big Momma knows how to take care of herself, she’s been doing this for much longer then we’ve been on the planet, and I mean any humans, she’s got 16 billion years of experience… so when we want to take over thinking we know better, how arrogant is that?  Wild, really, thinking about us humans who want to save the world,  arrogant, a description what was put upon earthlings is “PRIMATIVE”… this was spoken to me by a ‘walk-in’ from a Star Ship… when I asked her how ‘WE’ earth people are viewed, that was the word that is used by all others… I totally agree… when we reach nirvana, as others already have, which means, the ONLY  energy that will be exuded is LOVE…

come on, lets have a LOVE war… right!  What a joke… 

I know that the reason I’m here is to assist rebuilding, not save… like I said before, Big Momma lived her life wonderfully before I arrived, so why would she need me now? To assist in rebuilding, yes, to save, NO…

We drove by ‘Swan Lake’ couldn’t see it, to much smoke…

Today is 11/sun   new creations… so my thought were finding alternative words to describe the visuals for you… I’m using the same words, not that they’re bad words, yet, what I’m seeing is not the same, yet I’m describing them with the same adjectives… well, I’ll do some research…

We’ve driven 450 miles in 7 hrs… that’s a good long stretch… enough for today, we’re hungry, and Dumbo needs to be filled… we’re have our famous dinner, tuna sandwich, potato chips, beer… yumm…

We talked about our commitment with one another, knowing that each day is so new, that each day we find newness, and with that comes a new understanding, so, when I face that new understanding without bringing my ‘yesterday’ into the picture, there’s clarity, and centeredness, there’s support and understanding that we allow, and give toward one another… we’ve come a long way in the years we’ve been together, we know what works and what doesn’t… something that can only come with time, when you first meet someone, you don’t know their foibles, you only see what they’re willing to show you, which would be the up side, the good~ness… that everything you do is ‘okay’ … then time passes, and the little things that you let pass before, is no longer tolerable, for instance, not putting the toilet seat down, leaving dishes in the sink, (as if there were a servant cleaning up after him) setting a pattern from the beginning is where it mostly works the best, yet, we hadn’t been taught that, we hadn’t had any one to follow when I came to communicating what works best, so the out come is a win ~ win situation…

We’ve come from different places, different up bringing, different programming… then we throw ourselves into another’s life, and we expect that’s a key word EXPECT that other person to know what/how we’ve been taught, and how we live, it’s called “insanity”… the honeymoon is over, now for the real world, who pays the bills, who takes the trash out, who takes the dog for a walk, who does the marketing, who cooks the meals, who cleans up? Who talks about all this stuff so that everything is known, there’s no~thing hidden… speak it, be in agreement, that’s where the win ~ win shows up…

Wow, I sure went off on that one… I obviously needed to puke that one out… thanks for listening… (like you had a choice)

Ian and I know we’re great friends, and business partners… and that we came together now to get this message out far a wide… and for our own growth, we’ve come a long way, really amazing… how I know where I was, to where I am, my children tell me, they’ve said how proud they are of me, to see that what I’ve taken on, and being with it, continuing moving forward no matter what… they’re watching me be at peace, even when I’m feeling lonely for them… what will come? I don’t know, my mantra is… “we’ll see”…

Day 33                      12/crocodile

Last time through we stopped at Laird River, we couldn’t park inside the park, it was filled, well, guess what, the camp grounds are filled this time also… across the street is an over flow parking lot… that’s where we spent the night, there were many other campers there, there was so much energy that we decided not to got into the springs… way to many people…

One thing I didn’t tell you from yesterday, when we were close to Laird coming over a ridge, a R.V. in front of us slowed down, so of course we slowed, what we witnessed was an entire family of mountain goats, lots of baby’s they were romping through the fields, wow, another photo op missed…

My life simplifies when I flow with the elements, when I struggle its because I’m fighting the elements… boy, if that’s not clear I don’t know what is! When we were driving to Whitehorse, we were driving up hill, [fighting the elements] now we’re heading south, we’re flowing [down hill] with the elements… life is just like that, one is either accepting or rejecting the elements that are being presented at any given moment… make sense? Does to me….

Spirit and I walked over to the hotel, I brought the thermos, coffee is only moments away… funny how those little things make me soooo happy…

When we returned to the M/H Ian was ready to pull out…

Our first stop was Fort Nelson, this is where we were on the 7/8 for the Venus Transit… it’s gotten wilder since the 6^th, when we went into the midnight of the 3^rd night, don’t forget, I’m only speaking for me, where ever you want to put yourself, that where you are… we’re all doing our part to make up the whole… with one piece missing the puzzle is not complete…

The other day, when we were able to check out email, Ian printed out a few correspondences, while he was driving, I was reading them out loud… there was one the was titled:   “Hit The Floor Running”  Rebeka Michaels wrote this, she can be reached at:    ReBeka92003@yahoo.com   please have her forward this to you… powerful… blessings to you Rebeka…

Here are a few questions….   “Where to Now?   What If? Then…

There’s a quote she puts in from the back cover of The Magdalin Manuscripts:  “FOR THOSE WHO HAVE EYES TO SEE, LET THEM SEE. FOR THOSE WHO HAVE EARS TO HEAR, LET THEM LISTEN. FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NEIGHTER, LET THEM PASS ON.”

You’re not going to believe what I’m going to tell you right now… Dumbo sat for the two weeks we were in Whitehorse… the total hrs. we’ve put on her is maybe 60. we’ve been on the road for about 5 hrs. today, mostly down hill, so there were many times when coasting was really good…

I forgot to lock the fridge door from this morning, we went over a bump, the door flew open, the drawer that’s filled with ice, and anything else that’s in there were on the floor, I got up to pick everything up, when I heard a loud popping sound, Ian said, “OH NO”… the sound of shock in his voice told me, this was not good, and of course the pop that came first… there was no steering, nothing was working, everything quit… she rolled to a stop, within moments, a man was standing outside Ian’s window, he was driving behind us, he saw the black smoke coming from Dumbo, and wanting to make sure we were ok, and if we needed anything, like a phone that worked…

We were in the middle of no~where… we didn’t get a signal on our cell, the man who stopped had a phone that could call Mars… we called AAA, they said they would get to us… 2 hours later a giant tow truck appears, where to take her?  I’m asking, who/what doesn’t want us to take this journey? Or, is it that… ‘they’ are having so much fun watching us, being ‘they’ can only experience emotion through us humans… well, enough already… we’ve passed the test, we continue to pass the tests that come at us… yet they continue to throw wrenches into our field of vision… what’s up with that? Give us a break wouldga?  This trust thing that I live by is wearing thin, if I weren’t living this journey, I wouldn’t believe it… all this shit can’t happen to these two people and one dog…you know he’s god backwards…

We arrived 3 hrs later in Ft. St. John, we were towed right to the Chevy dealership, on my membership with AAA, some years ago, I accepted an invitation to extend my towing so I would have 100 miles free towing, why I did this years ago while I was driving a Lexus SWV, I don’t know, I suppose my intuition told me to have this for my future… well, guess how far we had to be towed? Your right 100 miles… more miracles wouldn’t you say? I sure do… well this is where we will live until Monday when they can work on it, then we can take off in the Jeep… pairing down, even more…

Day 34    13/wind

I was emotionally/physically beaten up to the point where there wasn’t a speck of energy, either from speaking to listening where there was room… Ian wanted to talk, I said, “Please, theres no room in my mind to accept anything.”  He understood, we just needed to put everything from this day to rest… by the time they got Dumbo off the tow, it was 1 a.m. we were left in the middle of a dirt parking lot… sleep was all I wanted, forever… let me out of this one… even though I know that “this too shall pass”… I wanted out, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH…

8 a.m. on the 34 day… still feel out of shorts, not centered, that’s a definite… it’s Sunday, we have this day to talk about plans, and not knowing what the dealership will do for us, we can make all the plans in the world, it’s wait an see… we have a talk scheduled in Kamloops on the 30^th June… Ian will catch a bus from where ever we are, come back to Ft. St. John and drive Dumbo back to pick Spirit and me up… sounds like a good plan… and like everything else, this could change… ‘we’ll see.’

This morning conversation was about ‘the test’… remember when you were in school, and you studied or not for a test… then when the test was over you were able to breath, and not think about it any longer, remember that? I thought so… I too remember, the difference here is, there’s few times when there’s a breath of fresh air, the test continue to come, ‘ready or not, here they come.’ 

This just came… clear as day…

                   “EVERYTHING IS THE SAME AS EVERYTHING ELSE…”

What ever shows up, the motor blowing, is no different then being in love, our spirit guide’s come from one place…    L O V E … that’s the only energy they have…  so ‘ what if’   we held the same energy? What if, we came from LOVE toward everything, and every one? What if, that were our only energy source?  JUST WHAT IF? 

I’m looking at getting this on a deeper level… so the guy in front of me is driving 35 mph… the speed limit is 45… he can’t hear me calling him names, telling him to use the peddle on the right, move over, got the f__k off the road… where does that leave me? In upset, my body is tense, my emotions are swaying, not centered, I’m not sending him love, that’s for sure… doesn’t feel good. What if… there’s the ‘what if’… I could/would/will, send love energy toward this guy… even though he doesn’t pick up his speed, he’s being sent love energy, where does that leave me, comfortable… content… peace of mind… centered…

I never forget, not for a moment that I am human, that I will continue to experience that human condition where I will tell that guy who’s driving 35 to get off the road, or use the peddle on the right… the trick is to catch it immediately, that way I can bring myself back into that calm place that feels the best…

The temperature took a turn from uncomfortable hot, 34c to about 24c with a delicious cool breeze. I’m so grateful, being we don’t have power while we’re parked in this lot… and our generator doesn’t want to kick in, if we had the generator we could plug the lap top in… as of today, I’m 20 days in the rear for posting our journey… ok, ok, I surrender to it all…

Spirit and I are going to take a stroll around all these cars, checking them out to see which one will work for us.  Last night I told the universe “I want a new vehicle, large enough to hold all our stuff, comfortable enough for the 3 of us, safe to get us where we want to go.”

Taking a deck of cards out, I dealt the cards out for a game of solitaire, the thoughts were… “Why is it so hard for me to sit and do nothing, why can’t I be more like Spirit?  With that thought, it felt like a vale come over me, a sleep vale… I lied down, there was a fly that couldn’t decide whether it wanted to stay in or go out, for the next 5 min. this fly danced on the door jam, it would go out, then right back in, then again…

So, as a human, this dance that I’m doing is no different then this fly, remember, ONE THING IS NO DIFFERENT THEN ANYTHING ELSE…

Just in those few moments of lying down, I’ve gotten my energy back… it’s all so wild… ~ … this N0~thing NEEDS to get done, enjoying with love is all that required…

A M/H being towed just arrived, the same driver that brought us in last night, the man stepped out, he’s older, in his 70’s… I don’t think he’s alone, yet, I haven’t seen anyone else come out…

After they got unhitched from the tow truck, he came over while Ian was working on the generator… after about an hour of trying to get it started, he gave up, when he came in the look of defeat was on his face… he gave it up fast, I’m proud of him… he said, the man’s name is Burt, and he and his wife offered to take us for dinner, we’ll drive… they don’t have a tow car… bummer… Loraine and Burt…  she was very excited to here what we were sharing about the evolution of consciousness, through the understanding that’s been presented through the Maya…

The conversation was alive, she had questions, we had answers… they live in Alaska… they were heading home… it cost them over $600. to be towed… then they didn’t know if this dealership would be able to repair their rig…

GRAND IS THE DAY

WHEN THE WINDS CARRY US AWAY

FINDING THE SEED OF LOVE

THERE’S NOTHING TO HIDE

UNDER THIS GLOUROUS SKY

FOR I KNOW HOW CLOSE I WILL BE,

HOLDING THE SPACE, GROUNDED IN GRACE

THIS JOURNEY WAS GIFTED FOR YOU & ME…

Day 35   Monday    1/night

L l o n n g g  w e e k ~ e n d…   like sitting on a chain gang… waiting for my ya ya…

7:30 a.m.  the service department has opened… there’s life at the Chevy dealership… there are others who showed up before we got into ‘line’…(chain gang)  it’s the waiting game… the ‘guy’ we need to speak with is in a meeting, when will he be available? In a couple of hours… I’m keeping it all together, my human/mind wants to take me into the deep end of the pool, and I don’t swim… (I really do, it’s just an analogy) it’s the 28^th June, we’re scheduled for the 30^th at 100 Mile House, driving time 10 to 12 hrs. max speed here is 100 km/h  =  62 mph… even though we have the jeep, and the plan is to leave Dumbo, she will get her new motor, we will take the Blue Lagoon, head on down the road, yet without clear communication with “The Guy” we don’t leave… I’m over my stress limit, it’s effecting the tips of my fingers, they’re numb… I’ve never had that happen before, not ever… there’s no certainty at the moment, my mind is reeling, I’m looking for words, they’re not coming… I’m breathing, that I know, that’s a good thing… Ian is doing fine… when one of them said, “this warranty isn’t good, they put the wrong motor in the M/H… Ian looked at him, holding the paper from the other dealership, tilting his head, saying… “I’m confused, here is the warranty, here is the vin number written on the warranty, I’m confused!”  the man softened up, we didn’t bark at him, nor did we make him wrong, there was a question that needed to be answered, he looked again at the warranty, then at the vin number, he said, “one minute, I’ll be right back.” He went into another room, we could see him, it was a glass wall, there was deep discussions, then phone calls, it was some time before he came out, he said, “come back in an hour, we’ll take care of this.”  Thank you, thank you very much…

well, we might as well get our selves ready, get what we want to take with, get the jeep ready for the road ahead… that way when they come back we’ll be ready to leave… after all we have a long drive ahead of us…I was getting more comfortable, able to release my shoulders they had been wrapped around my ears for hours…

It was after 5 by the time we left Ft. St. John… we got Ian’s board, papers, pens, Mayan calendars, food, water, pillows, my down blanket, Spirits blankie, and Spirit on top of it all, he’s cozy, he’s got the best seat in the car…

There’s a cold front coming in from the south, this is good, being we’ll be driving into clearer sky’s… the heat has been oppressive, its easier to bundle up when its cold, not so easy to stay cool when its hot…

Well we got the news… GM is honoring their contract, they will be ordering a new motor, it comes from the states… funny… it was 3 o’clock when they came back with the final decision… then it took time to get the jeep in order… it all works out, I know that even when I went numb… wild, and it keeps getting wilder… what we held all day was love energy… we kept sending it toward the entire company… there wasn’t anything else to do…

We went to lunch with  Loraine and Burt, they hadn’t found any one to repair their M/H… I suggested they leave it and fly home, they were thinking about that, and having their nephew come from Alaska to pick it up…

We left before they made their plans, Loraine and I said we would keep in touch, I wanted to know how they managed, and she wanted more info on the Mayan info, we gifted her a calendar, she was thrilled, she said there aren’t to many friends who she can talk with about everything that she’s feeling, and with the information that we left her with, she wanted someone to talk with… it will all come together, like it always does… the thought about life throwing you a curve ball, yet what you were prepared for was a slow pitch…

We heard about the storm, hearing about it is one thing, driving through it is another… this would have been a great scene in a movie… OK, picture this, driving down a country road, feeling the ominous sky taking you deeper and deeper into a black hole, at first there’s a few rain drops, looking through them, no need for the wipers, not yet any way, we’re coming into a small town, the thought of food fills our senses…  “how about stopping for a bite to eat?” where? We’ll see what shows up… over there, “The Stagecoach”. Ian agrees, we pull into the lot, telling Spirit we’re going in for a bite to eat, we’ll be back soon, leaving the windows open, no one would come close to the car. Nice meal, we shared a fish platter, salmon, halibut, cod, the fish here is by far tastier then in the states, and far less expensive…outside, 8:30p.m. those few drops turned into a steady rain, not hard, not cold, soft, so soft that they it was almost undetectable to the feel, it was dusk, and through the lamp light we could see the rain, very interesting… we invited Spirit to come for a walk, it was yummy…

Back in the car, heading down the road, Ian set the wipers on intermediate, the soft gray clouds misting rain, trees swaying with the soft breeze, its getting darker, rain is coming with more intensity, lightening filling the sky, a lone deer on the side of the road, now the wipers are on fast speed, the rivers running faster, small water falls, some trickling from the rocks. Black clouds now, fog rolling in, more wind, heavier rain, there’s no other cars on the road, from no where a semi appears, then another, they’re going north, heading toward the fires…

“Ian, did you see that water fall, turn around, its coming down with such intensity, under an old rail road track, it’s cascading into the river.” He didn’t see it, and didn’t turn around… oh well…

we’ve been driving through this for about an hour, looking into the distance the sky is lightening up, instead of the black clouds, they’re paler, softer, I can see blue in-between the clouds… this is a good sign… the moon is a couple of days past half, big, bright as a beacon, beautiful… its casting its glow on the river, whitish coloured clouds creating a halo around the moon, tall pine’s dancing in the moon light…

The gas light came on, we’re in the middle of no-where and some-where at the same time… we’ve been carrying extra gas in the car and haven’t used it, this is a good time to use it… we’re not far from Bear Lake, (we stopped there on our way north) this time we don’t have Dumbo, ok, finding a safe spot off the road, Ian puts ten gallons of gas in, we’re tired, and cranky, we talk about sleeping in the car… well Spirit has the best spot, he doesn’t care… we gave it our best shot, for about an hour we moved this way and that to find comfort, I suggested for Ian to sleep with Spirit, he got into the back, Spirit wasn’t being cooperative, he didn’t want to share his space… “This is insane, lets find a motel, we drove, oh maybe 5 min. a motel with a vacancy sign… Ian rang the bell, (it’s around 1:30 a.m.) no answer, again, no answer, the 3^rd time, he came back to the car, he said, I’ve rung the bell three times, I guess we’re not supposed to sleep here, just then the door opened… he let us into a room, we brought Spirit in with, I slept fast and hard…

The shower was worth the price of the room, Ian was sleeping, Spirit and I took our walk, when we returned Ian was awake. I had asked where I could get coffee, “on the other side of that building, there, right there.” Getting the thermos, telling Ian I would be right back with hot coffee, he said, he was getting into the shower, then we could continue our journey…

Ian’s been having trouble with his ear, not being able to hear, and it hurts, not only his ear, his throat, having difficulty swallowing… when I talk to him, he doesn’t hear, so I started talking louder, then he asked why I was mad at him… “you told me you couldn’t hear, so I’m talking louder, I’m not mad, I just want you to hear me…”  “sorry, ok, I’m just tired, it’s been a strain on both of us.”  “It sure has, it sure has…”

The morning we were leaving Vince and Debbie’s I took a shower, washed my hair, it felt so good, and not knowing when I would have another, I cherished that one…

Moving from the M/H into the jeep, and thinking about space, what would I take, what was needed, was the weather going to change, would I need a jacket… so in my carry bag, I put my jeans, a silk pair of pants, a couple of tee shirts, a sweet shirt… and of course my bathroom stuff…

After this yummy shower, I put my jeans on, I had to take a deep breath to button them… they came off immediately… no way… I’m not into looking good, I’m into comfort… well, what’s my choice? The silk pants… I had them made from a kimono I bought when daughter Jo-e was 15, she’s 38, almost 39, Aug. 6^th…  any way, I had warn them a few times, saving them for “special occasions”… not any more… I’m not saving anything for ‘special’ anythings any more… what a joke that is… save… for what?

Do you remember seeing an ‘Apple Doll’… they take an apple, let it air dry, then mold it into a face… this women came out of the motel office, she’s the one I asked about where to get coffee… that’s what she looked like, and apple doll… sweet, kind eyes…

We were close to 100 Mile House, Ian said, “it would be great to gather some of the folks that live there, to meet them, and chat.”  “Great idea, when we get there we’ll ask Cory what it would take to do that.”

Cory is our host, she’s the one we’ve been corresponding with, we’re going to stay with her…the community has about 25 houses, build around a central yard, there’s a community pool, Lodge, theater that had been used in the days when Martin Exeter was alive…

We mentioned having a gathering, to introduce ourselves, and to meet the neighbors, she said, there’s a pot luck at 6, ok, talk about manifesting, wow…

Cory has two children Tyler 12, and Katrina 6, she’s angelic, clear blue eyes, she was born with three white streaks in her hair.  When I asked her about them, she said, “I was born with them.”  Cool…

This place was originated by Martin Exeter with the purpose of having it be for the Emissaries of Divine Light…  and I think The Dousers…

There’s a calm energy here, these people know why they’re here, why they’ve chosen  THIS place to live, there’s a community support, a caring, they know one another, how many communities do you know where all the neighbors come out of there puny dwellings and support what ever it is that the neighbor is doing, oh, you need me to watch your child, bring him over, no problem…  I was having a conversation with a boy, not knowing how long he’s been on the planet… it was an adult conversation, he was telling me about his trip to Mexico, and the family unit, how well it all worked out… “how old are you?” 10…  yah right…

Cory offered us her spare bedroom, or her little trailer… we chose the trailer, putting the table down, which becomes the bed, the size of a twin, we were please that we slept really well, Spirit was having a hard time finding his comfort, when I put his blankie down, he did his little turn around dance and went to sleep…

Day 37     Wednesday     30^th June

I’m sitting in the sun right now, in the middle of a field of grass, surrounded by old tall trees.  A jungle gym with swings on the end, the children are on summer break, so their out early… being they have 5 months of winter, snow on the ground for about that long… they sure take advantage of the beautiful weather… as I am…

This is a community, this is the closest I’ve come to in feeling what it’s like having the entire ‘village’ know one another, respect what ever it is that they’re doing, know what needs to get done, and do it… there’s a community pool, gardens for those who want to participate…

This has been my fantasy every since the mid 60’s… even before Kelly (my baby girl) was born… knowing that having the family unit on one piece of land, where ever one has their own place, yet there’s a community kitchen when desired, a huge barn that holds the kitchen and loft/play area for the children,  

 wow… I just looked up from the computer to see a humming bird at the window… blessings and thank you…

The talk is tonight, Ian has a 5 min. interview on a local radio station this morning, Ian went into another room, while Cory and a few others sat in the kitchen listening, it was cool, Ian’s got such a clear voice, pleasant to listen to, and what he’s conveying is what people want to hear…

Last night before sleep came, I heard,

“you’re to see if you can life here without the opulence you think you need.”

From my home that was filled with ‘stuff’ to the M/H filled with less stuff, to the jeep… amazing… I know I’m being shown how to live with little, its so ok with me, and with Ian, where not having a problem with any of it… even with all the break downs with Dumbo, and the flat tires on the jeep, the motors blowing up, not having a fridge in the M/H, not water, no power… it’s home, it’s our home… IT’S A TEST… how much more can we handle… bring it on, we’ll show you…

I remind myself often that I’m human, being there are times when I notice how unstable my energy body is, that what I’m feeling is my mind wanting me to do something that my intuition tells me……..   NO   ……..

Ultimately, I listen to the NO… yet, while I’m listening, that swaying feeling is quite present…

There were 20 people that came to the talk, Ian was the master he most always is… I looked up the word ‘always’… it means ‘with out exception’… so I won’t use the word always with out a clarification… people use that word all to often, it’s not appropriate to say always, when there are exceptions to the circumstance…  anyway… the talk was great… those who came were thrilled they were there, Spirit slept & snored through the entire talk… he draws laughter… this is a good thing…

click here for July 2004