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 The Guilt/Shame Cycle

Emotions like guilt and shame do not exist in a vacuum. They are part of a long process of actions involving people and situations that have created these emotions. All we remember is the end of this process, how terrible we feel and these have been repeated often enough to prevent us from moving forward as soon as we sense a hint of them. But if we stop the cycle when it starts, release the fear that we have around feeling guilt or being shamed, they move into the background of our responses and go back into the past, where they began.

Guilt is one way that we are manipulated by others. Parents often use guilt to control their children, believing that by showing them the consequences their behavior has on others that they will learn to be considerate and compassionate. It's a backwards way of saying that we should be aware of our connections. But then we avoid acting by trying to minimize the guilt we will feel when we put our needs and desires over those of others and we lose our perspective about what is important to us.

Shame is such a destructive form of manipulation because it takes guilt one step further. If we disregard the guilt ploy then we get moved into shame. Now we are a bad person, inconsiderate, selfish, or self serving by ignoring others' needs. Our desires become a source of shaming by those who feel their needs are more important. Within the guilt/shame cycle, if we can overcome guilt and proudly declare our intention to serve our needs, we are attacked at our core and our being. Shame moves blame from what we are doing to who we are. Few of us can withstand this type of attack, so we absorb the shame and it becomes part of our belief system.

When we have learned these principles well, we use the guilt/shame cycle on ourselves. After a few passes with it, we do not need someone to guilt and shame us, we know what to do. So when we put our desires forward, we look at what others want or expect of us and decide whether the guilt is worth the effort. If we decide it is, then risk shame if we make a choice whose outcome ripples energetically around us, as it will. Now comes the hard part, can we step out of this cycle, see the interplay of these energies and use our heart to ask "what do I want' instead assessing each choice through what it will cost us in terms of our guilt and shame?

I will talk about this in greater detail on this week's radio show on Blog Talk Radio. 

The Uriel Heals  Enlightening Life radio show 

The next Uriel Heals Enlightening Life radio show will be Wednesday, September 1, at 8PM Central time on Blog Talk Radio.  Listen to last week's show by clicking here. We will discuss the newsletter and readings are available to callers in the second half of the show. Call in at 718-664-6504. Click

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